1. The husband asked his wife: I don’t look very good, but why do you often say that I’m so cool? Wife: I said you are so cool that you use the abbreviation. The full name is that you look too cruel and should be taken out and killed. 2. I remember when I was in college, I wanted

1. The husband asked his wife: I don’t look very good, but why do you often say that I’m so cool?

Wife: I said you are so cool that you use the abbreviation. The full name is that you look too cruel and should be taken out and killed.

2. I remember when I was in college, I wanted to make my class monitor make a fool of myself in the evening. I pasted a piece of paper behind him and drew a pig on it. There was a very fat girl in the back table. The fat girl smiled violently after seeing it, and the more she laughed, the louder and louder the more she laughed, and the squad leader asked her why she laughed. The fat girl smiled and pointed at the class monitor and said, "There is a pig behind you..."

3. The college students have started school one after another. Now let's take a look at what all majors do.

You think that you major inorganic and non-metals and go to the research institute after graduation. In fact, after graduation, you have worked in the most appropriate career, cement.

You think that after graduation, you are like tomb robbers, digging the emperor's graves everywhere. In fact, after graduation, you set up a street stall near the train station, selling fake antiques.

You think that security engineering major, after graduation, you can be a safety supervisor, and you don’t have to work, and your annual salary is hundreds of thousands. In fact, after graduation, you can only be a security guard.

You think that the pilot is a major, and after graduation, you will have a lot of fun flying a plane and taking a flight attendant. In fact, after graduation, your daily job is to wipe the plane.

4. My wife is furious and she will fall off as soon as she gets angry, but she regrets her every time she falls. . .

That day, my wife got angry again, picked up the chopsticks and hit her husband a few times. . .

My husband was annoyed: Why do you beat me?

Wife: How many times will you die?

Honey: That won’t be true, but it hurts. . .

Wife: It will be fine if you hurt for a while, but you don’t spend money. Think about it, things will break if they fall. You have to spend money to buy them. You have to know how to live...

5. The teacher called a student outside the classroom.

Teacher: "Your homework is getting worse and worse, what's going on?"

Student: "Teacher, wait for me to find the reason, will you tell you in the afternoon?"

Teacher: "Okay!"

In the afternoon, the teacher called the student outside the classroom again. Teacher: "Have you found the reason?"

student: "I found it. My grandfather said that homework is getting harder and harder, and he has no choice."

6. There is a female colleague whose son is one and a half years old and has not been weaned.

Once a dinner party, her son wanted to eat breastfeeding, and there was a big table of people.

Colleague was embarrassed to feed him, so he lied to his son, "I didn't bring it out, I've left home."

son had to continue eating white rice in disappointment. I'll go, that's fine!

7. An old lady in her seventies went to the barber shop to ask the barber: "How much does hair dye cost?"

barber answered: "80 yuan."

old lady: "It's too expensive. Is it 40 yuan for half dyeing?"

barber: "Well, as long as you want."

old lady: "Okay, you only dye the white black, don't worry about the black one!"

old lady: "Well, you only dye the white black ones, don't worry about the black ones!"

barber: "Well, you only dye the white black ones, don't worry about the black ones!"

barber: "Well, you only dye the white ones black ones, don't worry about the black ones!"

barber: "Well, you only dye the white ones black ones, don't worry about the black ones!"

barber: "Well, you only dye the white ones black ones, don't worry about the black ones!"

barber: "Well, you only dye the black ones black ones!" Barber:...

8. I just answered a call from a scammer: "We are a certain bank. I just found out that your bank card was spent 180,000 US dollars overseas yesterday. Did you consume it yourself?"

I said, "It was me who consumed it myself."

I was silent for 5 seconds and the scammer said, "You can really brag, it messed up my thoughts..."

9. Teacher: "Dear students, please stand up if you think you are stupid."

The students looked at each other and didn't dare to stand up. Only one stood up bravely

Teacher: This classmate, do you think you are stupid?

Student: "No, teacher, I just don't want you to stand alone.

10. Xiao Ming's mother was making a facial mask. At this time, the doorbell rang. Xiao Ming's mother was inconvenient, so she asked Xiao Ming, "Go and open the door quickly. I'm not convenient now and can't see anyone." "Then Xiao Ming hurried to open the door.

As soon as he saw it was his father. As soon as his father entered the door, he asked Xiao Ming, "Where is your mother? Are you not at home?"

Xiao Ming said, "My mother is doing shameful things. ”