1. A classmate went to play football and put contact lenses in a mineral water bottle. There was water in it. After a while, he came back and found that the bottle was empty. Haha, the criminal has not been found yet.
2. A teacher was late for class. As soon as he entered the classroom, he reflected on himself: "I'm sorry, students, my electric car broke down, so I'm late. I'm not qualified to accept your standing salute, so I won't do it today." The students were greatly moved. , everyone said: "You are qualified, you are qualified." The monitor immediately stood up and shouted: "Stand up, salute" the students They shouted in unison: "Hello, teacher!" The momentum was earth-shattering. The teacher said in frustration: "It's over. Now the principal knows that I'm late again."
3. The graduates went to apply for a job, and the recruiter asked: "Have you passed any certificates in school? ? For example, English level 4, computer level 2, etc. "
student: "I have passed the exam, I have many certificates."
recruiter was very interested and asked: "What certificates are there?"
4. A job seeker is here. In the "Specialties" column, fill in "rumor-mongering". The
examiner said distrustfully: "You tell us a rumor once."
The job seeker walked outside the door and said to those waiting for the exam: "You can go back. I have got the job. No. It’s your business.”
5. Four mice brag: A: I eat rat poison as candy every day; B: I don’t step on a mouse for a day and itches my feet; C: I don’t feel safe on the street only a few times a day; D: It’s getting late, go back Go home and hug the cat.
6. The sky is blue, the sea is deep, and none of what a man says is true; love is eternal, blood is bright red, and a man cannot survive without fighting; if a man is rich, he is destined to be with everyone. , men can be relied upon, pigs can climb trees.
7. You were walking on the road, and a female dog pounced on you, bit a piece of meat from your foot, and swallowed it quickly. When you stretched your foot and was about to kick it, the dog said with tears: You can hit it, anyway, it’s in my belly. I already have your flesh and blood!
8. I dragged my wife's chin and stared at her cheek: "I can't get tired of looking at your face."
My wife was a little shy: "I hate it, why?"
"Haven't you heard of it? Fei Er Not tired.”
9. As a Taurus who knows how to live well, I said to the dentist: "Don't fool me with those expensive anesthetics, sprays, etc. Just pull out the tooth!"
The dentist admired me very much: "Now you look like you There are very few people who are so strong..."
"The doctor is complimenting you, please say thank you!" I turned around and said to my wife.
10. Husband: I’ve had enough of you scolding people like this all day long! I want a divorce! ! ! I want to find another one!
Wife: If you look like this, you won’t get scolded if you look for me again?
Husband: If you get scolded, you will get scolded, at least you can hear something new.
11. Yesterday I dreamed that God said he could grant me a wish. I took out the globe and said I wanted world peace. He said it was too difficult to change to another one. I took out your photo and said I wanted this person to become beautiful. He thought for a moment and said, take it. Let me look at the globe again.
Hilarious: A young lawyer files a lawsuit
This is the first time in 20 years that I know where he spends the night
The current stock market is a bit like my husband
Can trains be late, but children can’t be late?
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