1 Why do successful people like to pour chicken soup? Because they finished the chicken. 2 I have been very dark since I was a child. Once my house caught fire. When the firefighter uncle came to put out the fire, I ran out desperately. Suddenly I heard someone say: This child is

1 Why do successful people like to pour chicken soup? Because they finished the chicken.

2 I have been very dark since I was a child. Once my house caught fire. When the firefighter uncle came to put out the fire, I ran out desperately. Suddenly I heard someone say: This child is burnt and runs so fast.

3 Lying on the sofa watching TV, my mother suddenly ran out with a shovel and shouted at me: You are so loud that I was distracted. The ribs were fried black. This matter could not be overcome without 500 yuan! Well, mom, if you want to cheat me, just say...

4 My mom and my wife are making dumplings, and by the way, they watch a TV program that mediates the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.我媳妇突然问“妈啊，要是我对你不好，你咋办？” 我妈拿擀面杖一指我“那我天天揍他，谁让他不会挑老婆的！” 我去，我这是躺着也中枪的节奏么……

5今天上课听写，老师念：狼狈为奸。

I was so stupid that I couldn't write it, so I glanced at my deskmate, and I went, she wrote that a wolf was raped!

6 I was so tired of military training. I was spoiled and sweated profusely when I stood in the military posture. And there was something very strange. A boy with long hair and looking very slutty took the initiative to change his position and was ranked behind me. After that, he always stuck to me very close to me and exhaled to my neck from time to time. This is a pervert!

came again just now, and I couldn't bear it anymore: "What are you doing!"

He was obviously shocked by me and whispered, "Isn't this a show? Your shadow is quite big!"

7 colleague: "Can you discuss something with you?"

me: "You tell me."

colleague: "I'm tight recently, so..."

me: "I want to borrow money, right?"

colleague: "Yes."

me: "This is it." It’s easy to say, I will make the decision below 10 yuan, and I will discuss it with my wife for more than 10 yuan."

Colleague: "Aren’t you not married?"

Me: "Yes, so there is no negotiation."

8 In winter, the farmer found a snake frozen, so he put it in his arms. After returning home, he found that the snake was not awake yet. In order to make the snake wake up quickly, the farmer put him in a tube. In order to make the snake wake up quickly, he also added 30 grams of ginseng, 300 grams of wolfberry, 3100 grams of Rehmannia html, and 5,000 milliliters of white wine.

Snake: I'm drunk too...

9 A rich woman has a rash on her body. The doctor told her that the rash was allergic caused by contact with the dog, and advised her: "It is best to sell the dog or give it to someone." The lady said: "I neither intend to sell it nor give it to someone. I want another doctor to treat me. He may have different methods for this disease." It is easy to change a doctor, but it is too difficult to find a good dog. "

10 My wife was angry today, very angry, she was simply furious because I joked that she was as fat as a bear. She started smashing things crazy and kept biting me and scratching me. I am now lying on the ground and pretending to be dead, and praying that the animal world did not lie to me.

11 high school computer class, a buddy sat in the penultimate row and sneaked on the yellow net. After a while, I remembered that there were two female classmates in the back row. I looked back at the two women His face was flushed, and when he saw him turn around, he scolded him: You are so disgusting. He smiled and continued to look. After a while, he felt a little uneasy. He looked back and saw four girls sitting together and scolding him: You are so disgusting

12 When a boy was in high school, he wrote a love letter to me. At that time, I was stupid and took it home to show my mother. Unexpectedly, my mother went to school the next day, and secretly visited. When I got home, my mother pulled me and said, "I inquired about this boy's handsome study and good study." What do you feel about others? Give me a letter quickly. Don't let others wait in a hurry. If you like it, you have to catch it. What you won’t see in the future will be so good. "

13 My mother likes to play mahjong, but later I was born. My mother gradually stopped playing mahjong for me and for the whole family, because she gradually found that it seems that playing me is more interesting.