brother's emotional viewpoint series
( brother chat emotional , the picture comes from the Internet)
| Wen/Pang Fengshan
01
has an effect in psychology called the "horsefly effect". The general idea is that those horses that are lazy, as long as they have a horsefly bite, they will become energetic and start to run forward.
Speaking of the "horsefly effect", in fact, there is such a story that you might as well tell everyone first.
When Lincoln was young, he and his brother worked on a farm in his hometown to plow the land. Lincoln was responsible for shouting the horse, and his brother helped the plow, but that horse was very lazy, always walking slowly and walking. Stop.
But when Lincoln noticed that there were times in the middle, the horse was walking fast, which made him very surprised. When he came to the ground to rest, he found a big "horsefly" stinging on the horse, so he shot the "horsefly" away at once.
Seeing that the "horsefly" was beaten by Lincoln, his brother complained a bit angrily: Why did you beat it away? It is because it bites on the horse that the horse can run.
Only then did Lincoln understand why this lazy horse was sometimes so slow and sometimes so fast.
In marriage, many women often complain that their husbands are lazy, not enterprising or even have no sense of family responsibility. In fact, to deal with such a man, being a wife requires a little thought and some means, so you might as well use the "horsefly effect" to manage him.
Many times, men are semi-finished products. They are different before and after marriage. When
is in love, he wants to chase you to please you, he will work hard to do this and that for you, thinking of your birthday, and spending a romantic holiday with you.
However, after chasing you, especially if you "cheat" you into a marriage, after the raw rice has been cooked into cooked rice, he will be completely different.
talks less and less with you every day, and he no longer accompanies you romantically. What is especially unbearable is that he no longer cares about you and does not take the initiative to share housework for you, and his sense of family responsibilities is becoming more and more indifferent.
Therefore, many women do not understand and find it difficult to accept. Apart from endless anger and complaints, they don't know what to do.
02
I have a reader who told me that she and her husband have been married for 15 years, and they came together in a long-distance relationship.
Although they have a pair of lovely children, her husband is an irresponsible person in her heart. She is lazy and loves gambling. Every year, she loses all the family’s hard-earned money, and then she ignores it every day. Sleep well.
has been in this state for 15 years, and he won’t listen no matter how he persuaded him.
She said that because she was reluctant to bear the children and the old man was sad, she chose to bear it alone. Then, find a way to maintain family expenses.
But now that the child is about to enter junior high school, she feels that the burden on her shoulders will be heavier in the future. She has been entangled in her heart for this reason, and she doesn't know how to make it! 'S husband, but can't put down the children, don't know what to do?
In fact, for this kind of man who has neither a sense of family responsibility, but also bad habits, as a wife, he should not be accommodated from the beginning, and to tolerate him. Once this is done, it will harm him. Hurt myself. The correct way is: Either find a way to reform him, or kick him cruelly!
As a man, her husband was originally the main bearer of responsibilities in the family, and it is his duty to play the role of husband. The reason why a man like
becomes such a man mostly comes from the following reasons:
is related to his own family growth environment. His parents have not disciplined him since he was a child, and have not given him enough struggle. Motivation;
The second is the influence of his social environment, such as his life circle and circle of friends, which determine his life philosophy and life attitude, as well as the formation and contamination of bad habits.
Three is the wife who did not train him well after marriage, noStimulating his potential for fighting, did not put a certain pressure on him, and made him aware of the responsibilities and obligations he should shoulder.
03
In fact, human nature has weaknesses. Everyone needs to constantly fight with themselves to make themselves better, better, and better in life.
includes former US President Bill Clinton. Before he became president, he was also a person with many problems, such as being fanciful and lascivious, and lacking enterprising in his career.
However, after he married Hilary, his wife Hilary trained him in time. In fact, there is no better way to rectify him. is nothing more than using the psychological "horsefly effect" to stimulate him. He is driven, and keeps asking him, let him go to work, go up, and fight, otherwise, just leave it alone.
In the end, Clinton became the President of the United States under the correct training of Hillary Clinton.
man is like this, you have to keep asking him, to develop him, to urge him to make him feel crisis, especially to develop his head, develop his ambition and professionalism as a man to conquer the world, let him do business , Go the right way.
In this way, men can realize their sense of responsibility and sense of mission and purpose.
Many times, what is a good man? A good man is a man who has no time to do bad things. Good men are trained by wise women. Women can actually shape a man.
That's why people say that good women are a school.
For those semi-finished men, as their wives, they can only serve as a school to transform them, allowing them to grow, promote and transform in their own school.
In marriage, if a woman finds that her husband is not enterprising, not fulfilling his responsibilities, or even always contaminated with bad habits, she must not go to him or get used to him.
Or, think of a way to turn yourself into the "horse fly" on the lazy horse, biting him severely, training him, repairing him, stimulating him, and improving him. Or, you can only choose to abandon him.
Therefore, instead of struggling and struggling in a unsatisfactory and painful marriage, it is better to put yourself into action, find the root of the problem and the crux of the problem, and try to help the other half overcome his own weaknesses, let him grow and get out Misunderstanding of missing roles.
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