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Mammoth News·Oriental News reporter Zhao Dan. Photo courtesy of interviewee
In September 2020, Su Min, a 56-year-old woman in Zhengzhou, Henan Province, packed her luggage and drove on a self-driving car. She wanted to stay away from the suffocation of marriage and life. The return date is uncertain, but I just want to go to the warm south. Subsequently, the "56-year-old woman escaping from the family for self-driving trip" became a hot spot.
Someone saw the shadows of her mother, mother-in-law, and square dance aunts from her. They read the report about her and said to their elders, "You should learn to live for yourself."
Someone saw the marriage of Chinese women from her. Normally, busy taking care of her husband, children, and children’s children, and fulfilling the maternal duties, even if we keep a loveless and lonely marriage, everyone takes it for granted.
Someone saw from her that the middle-aged and elderly people awakened themselves, escaped from the world, yearned for freedom, and yearned for the hot and cold feelings of someone who has something to say.
Like the "fake Jin Dong" incident, people began to pay attention to the emotional problems of the middle-aged and elderly women. The story of Su Min pushed the whole group into public view again.
Regardless of resonance or controversy, Su Min did not pay too much attention to the hustle and bustle on the Internet. She is an ordinary woman who has been busy for half her life and wants to find an emotional outlet on the road to complete her emotional salvation.
On December 1, Su Min was still in Yunnan and had been out for three months. How has her mentality changed? What did she gain? Is the state of her and her husband as she said? How do people closest to her think about her actions... Mammoth News·Eastern Today reporters talked to Su Min and her daughter-in-law separately.
can know through the three-person cross talk that Su Min and her husband met on a blind date and they have an only daughter. She has worked as a delivery worker, cleaner, supermarket promoter and other odd jobs. The last job is a promoter. After the daughter gave birth to twins, considering that her daughter-in-law was a dual employee, Su Min resigned and took care of her daughter's house until her two grandsons went to kindergarten.
For the first half of her life, like most Chinese housewives, she was always fettered by the family, and she had frequent quarrels and fights with her husband when she was young, and the predicament of having nothing to say and not being able to talk about together when she was old, and many reasons prompted her Choose to escape.
She told a reporter from Mammoth News·Dongfang Jinbao that the next stop is Xishuangbanna, Yunnan. It is possible that in May next year, her grandson will return to Zhengzhou, Henan on his birthday. Talking about the relationship status with her husband, she said that she would not divorce.
hopes that this short escape will bring new vitality to Su Min and the whole family.
[Dialogue with Su Min]
1, the next stop is Xishuangbanna, and I do not plan to return to Zhengzhou during the Spring Festival
Mammoth News: Where are you now? Are you back for the Spring Festival?
Su Min: Dali, Yunnan. This trip went to Chengdu, Sichuan, Dali, Yunnan and other places. I probably won't go back during the Spring Festival. I plan to go back in April and May next year for my grandson's birthday. There are many more places I want to go.
Mammoth News: How is the money spent now?
Su Min: I lost more than a thousand in it (laughs). Anyway, to travel, just spend money.
Mammoth News: Is everything okay for food, lodging and transportation?
Su Min: Fortunately, I eat and live in the car. Eating is noodles and rice-fried vegetables. Eating in the car is relatively simple. It is much better to park where there are people. Except for a little getting angry, everything else is good, and I also bring emergency medicine. The weather here is very warm, not cold.
Mammoth News: Where do you plan to go next?
Su Min: I am going to Xishuangbanna, Yunnan.
Mammoth News: How do you feel after being out for a while?
Su Min: I feel much better. I’m busy making videos and cutting videos every day. I’m busy, and I have a more fulfilling life. I don’t have time to think about the unpleasant things before. So I thought about staying outside for a while, and there was no arrangement and plan for the specific itinerary, so I would rest when I was tired.
Mammoth News: What's the situation at home?
Su Min: I have a daughter, and now my two grandchildren are in kindergarten. I don't have much to do at home, just relying on my daughter and son-in-law. So it was decided.
2, I have been a deliveryman and cleaner. After "popularity", I have a lot of blessings to my netizens
Mammoth News: I feel that the video you sent is very good. What did you do before?
Su Min: I'm just an ordinary part-time worker. I used to be a delivery person before and I was a cleaner sweeping the road. A person has more life experiences and more thoughts.
Mammoth News: Why do you think people are paying attention to you so suddenly?
Su Min: You may feel interested in my story after reading it. Many people send me private messages to bless me and support me.
Mammoth News: Are there any riders who have experienced the same as you during the journey?
Su Min: There are different ages, most of them are older than me. Most of them have better economic conditions. The couple travelled in an RV, and they did not experience the same experience as me.
Mammoth News: Did you buy the car for traveling?
Su Min: No, I like cars. I went to get my driver’s license early. Before I worked for my brother, he needed to deliver goods and needed someone to drive, so I learned to drive.
Mammoth News: Did you buy the car yourself?
Su Min: This car is 99,000 naked cars, all of which are about 110,000. I had retired when I bought a car. I worked in a supermarket and had a pension. I paid my daughter 30,000 yuan as a down payment. Then I repaid the car every month, and after two years, I bought this car. Anyway, I like cars, although I hold my hands tight, it is worth buying.
3, do not consider divorce, do not extravagantly ask for love, always have a companion
Mammoth News: Has your family contacted you?
Su Min: My daughter contacts me every day and asks where I am, whether it is safe or not. He (husband) has basically never contacted him. I don't know if he has seen reports about me on the Internet.
Mammoth News: Isn't the relationship particularly good?
Su Min: It's not very good anyway. I've been married for more than 30 years.
Mammoth News: Is the reason you came out related to him?
Su Min: The main reason is to suffer from anger all day long at home. I want to figure out how it feels not to be angry.
Mammoth News: Feel that you don’t care about your heart?
Su Min: The two of us are originally two parallel lines and there is no intersection. How can we care about each other?
Mammoth News: Have you considered separating?
Su Min: I used to live for my children, and I still do it today. Now that I am old, and if I go to divorce, what would my child think? She also mentioned that since I am not happy, a real divorce is fine, but I feel that if this is the case, I have been walking for so many years, and I am not at my age. Maybe it will start again. If divorce, what good will it do to me, him, and the family?
Divorce is a relief for me, but now for me, running away from driving can also be relieved, why do I need to divorce?
After all, we have a daughter, we cannot love each other when we grow old, but maybe we have a companion when we grow old?
Mammoth News: So you will continue to perform your duties when you go back?
Su Min: It must be this way, it is impossible to talk about who takes care of whom. In fact, after going back and coming out, it is almost the same. Now we have moved out of our daughter's house and returned to our own house. One person and one room are the same as renting a house. Anyway, if there is a major event, there is a person who talks about it, and nothing else is extravagant.
Mammoth News: What does marriage and family mean to you?
Su Min: Marriage is a failure for me. As far as family is concerned, the value of my life is the support of my daughter.
[Conversation with Su Min's daughter]
1. Supporting my mother's self-driving trip, most worried about her safety
Mammoth News: What is the most worried mother about after being out for so long? What will she communicate with you?
Su Min's daughter: Security issues. It is not safe for her to go out alone. We are in constant contact with each other, and she generally says it's ok and safe. But once when she drove the car and almost fell asleep, she woke up after a shock. She didn't dare to tell me at the time, and then she said it accidentally.
Mammoth News: How did you react to the first time mom made a self-driving trip?
Su Min's daughter: Very surprised, I feel a little unrealistic. Later, she described it to me, and I had a deep understanding of self-driving travel, so I supported her to go.
Mammoth News: What is the biggest reason you support her going out?
Su Min's daughter: I know she likes traveling, and she needs to relax. herThe mental state is somewhat depressed, it is really difficult and tiring to take care of the children, and it is to take care of two. Whenever we go to work, our mother takes care of it alone.
2, parents really can’t get along, they used to fight
Mammoth News: Is the relationship between mom and dad really as she said?
Su Min's daughter: Yes. There is very little serious talk between them, and it is easy to have conflicts when they talk. My dad is also old, long-winded, always saying that my mom is wrong. Especially when it comes to taking care of children, I will ask my mother to keep commanding and preaching. He also said me and my husband, everyone said.
Mammoth News: Did the two of them start from the parenting disagreement, or did you just start as a kid?
Su Min's daughter: This has been this since I was a child. When I was young, it was not as good as it is now, and now I don’t fight when I am old.
Mammoth News: Do you usually talk to your mother about her emotional problems?
Su Min's daughter: I also often talk to my mother, but they have been here for so many years, and many things have become deeply ingrained. Their personalities are like this, and they cannot be changed.
Mammoth News: Will your father ask your mother about going out for a self-driving trip? Is there any expression of care?
Su Min's daughter: No. Sometimes I took the initiative to mention it, and my dad passed it away in a few words and couldn't continue. The communication between him and us is normal. He has moved back from my house and now he will care about his grandson normally (laughs).
3. My original family affects my outlook on mate selection and childcare
Mammoth News: Will the state between them affect your outlook on feelings and marriage?
Su Min's daughter: I don't know if it is an influence, I think I have to find a good person (laugh). Because when I was a child, my dad’s domestic violence really looked terrifying, and I wanted to find a good tempered partner when I got married. My husband really has no temper (laugh).
Mammoth News: So this native family is really important, and it will affect your mate selection.
Su Min's daughter: Yes, maybe others will choose love, I might add one, and I must have a good temper.
Mammoth News: Is Dad cold and violent or the kind that will do it?
Su Min's daughter: She can do it, she will do it to me, and she will fight if she doesn't obey. When he loses his temper, he throws things or throws things. He is most afraid of this. It is really scary for children to see them. Domestic violence has a great impact on children.
Mammoth News: Are Mom and Dad really AA system?
Su Min's daughter: Yes, although I didn't say that you spend yours and I spend mine, but it is really like this. Because my dad spent his own money on his own, it was impossible to give it to my mom, and he would not give it. Sometimes he would ask my mom for some money. My mom relented and gave it a little bit, and then slowly stopped giving it.
Mammoth News: Then take the liberty of asking, parents have been doing this for so many years, have they ever communicated with their mother to let them simply separate?
Su Min's daughter: Yes! Seeing that they are fighting very scary, I just mentioned that you are getting divorced. My mother sometimes said it was because of me, sometimes because she was old, and she didn't want to toss anymore.
Mammoth News: You are also a mother now. Have you communicated with your father more deliberately to make him treat your mother better?
Su Min's daughter: Yes. Some time ago, she "beat" him on the side. He said, oh, I don't have that much hatred with your mother. He didn't take the initiative to mention it anyway.
Mammoth News: Do you think he has changed since you were a kid?
Su Min's daughter: Even if you are older and don't do anything, people have become more verbose. Should you argue or quarrel?
Mammoth News: But family affection is constantly giving up. What do you think about the future?
Su Min daughter: Yes, my idea is that no matter how parents are parents, I will do my responsibilities and do what I should do. Hope they live at least peacefully. I see if my mother will come back during the New Year, I will communicate with each other when the time comes. It is mainly because my dad said it was good on the surface, and he will be anxious when encountering things. Sometimes I don't know if it works.
Mammoth News: So you are very tired as a daughter?
Su Min's daughter: Yes, sometimes I think that you will be separated as soon as possible. I also save snacks. My parents are the closest people, and I don't want them to conflict.
4. Looking forward to mom’s self-driving tour is a turning point in their relationship, and their parents can be peaceful
Mammoth News: Why do you think mom’s affairs cause this?What a sensation?
Su Min's daughter: I also suddenly discovered that there are so many such families, and some of them are even more serious than my mother. My mother has at least stepped out, and some of them dare not divorce for various reasons and are holding on. The reason why my mother has a greater influence may be because there are too many such families, and everyone is more envious of her being able to come out desperately. Everyone can't be like this, they will pay attention to her, and hope that one day they can come out like this.
Mammoth News: Mom used to do odd jobs, right? Has it always been like this with dad?
Su Min's daughter: Before my mother helped me look after the baby, she worked as a salesperson in the supermarket, and worked in my uncle's factory in Guangdong. At that time, part of the reason she went to Guangdong was to hide from my dad. When I was in college, they always quarreled at home, and when I was in school, I was worried about whether they would fight. I'm at home, I can still persuade, my dad can restrain himself, I'm afraid that my mother will be beaten and won't tell me.
Mammoth News: What impact does this life have on mothers? Does she have an emotional outlet?
Su Min's daughter: She is a little depressed mentally, and she tends to be depressed. She doesn't have any hobbies at home, and now she is traveling. Travel is her emotional outlet.
Mammoth News: What hobbies does your father have?
Su Min's daughter: He has a lot of hobbies, playing ball, dancing, fishing, and many friends. I think he will mark golf friends and fish friends in his phone. His life will be arranged by himself. He is machismo.
Mammoth News: Now everyone feels that there is no dad’s voice. Is it possible to say a few words?
Su Min's daughter: I told him about the report a few days ago, and he also joked that "I will look like a bad guy in the future." I haven't told him so deeply now. I'm afraid he will mind, and there will be deeper family conflicts. I am very worried about this issue.
and it makes no sense to ask him. In front of outsiders, he is always the image of a good person, with a good temper and filial piety, but my mother's relatives know it. He won't admit it if you ask him. No one will admit to domestic violence.
Mammoth News: Then what do you hope your parents will be like in the future?
Su Min's daughter: We have been working hard all these years. We want them to be in the same state as other couples, taking care of and supporting each other. After all, they are all old. Don't expect it to be good, at least be respectful and live well.
Mammoth News: What do you think about mom's future?
Su Min's daughter: How can she be happy. She travels as long as she is willing to travel, and comes back as soon as she is willing to come back. Hope she is really happy.
hope that my parents can reach peace in the future, even if they get along like friends.
[Dialogue with Su Min son-in-law]
1, sincerely thank mother-in-law for helping to take care of the child, she is very careful
Mammoth News: Have you lived with your mother-in-law for a long time?
Su Min son-in-law: We have been living under the same roof in the past few years from the birth of the child until the two of them went to kindergarten. She helped bring the children during the day, and the children followed us at night. We are two workers and we are busy. The children are twins and we need help from the family very much.
Mammoth News: It means your wife’s mother-in-law is helping you from pregnancy to childbirth to kindergarten?
Su Min son-in-law: After the baby was born, she quit her job as a supermarket salesperson. My parents have been here to help for a while, but they were all in the Luohe countryside before, and they were not familiar with Zhengzhou. We had to worry about their two elders when we went out here and brought a child. Including the living habits, there are too many differences, and then I went back.
2. The relationship between the parents-in-law is really tense. As a junior, I hope they can let go of
. Mammoth News: As a son-in-law, do you support the mother-in-law to go on a self-driving trip?
Su Min son-in-law: We have always been very supportive. She has lived in this depressive environment for a long time, and if she doesn't jump out, she has been pretending to be these trivial things in her heart. Going out for a self-driving tour will give her a change of environment, and her mood and physical condition will gradually improve.
Mammoth News: Is the relationship between her and your father-in-law really as stated on the Internet?
Su Min son-in-law: It's okay that the two of them don't talk when they meet. They are very stiff when they talk. Now it's their own lives. We didn’t live together before the baby was born. My mother-in-law went to work in the supermarket during the day and went back at night. There have been a few quarrels in the middle of the night.Happening. My daughter-in-law and I are also worried now, what if they are in conflict under the same roof in the future.
And my mother-in-law is a little depressed, and sometimes has excessive reactions. My father-in-law has a characteristic. He never gives in. The more noisy he gets, he will not stop. Actually, my father-in-law always picks up on me and my daughter-in-law (laughs).
Later, my mother-in-law said that she was going to travel, and we were very supportive. The two separated and won't fight anymore.
Mammoth News: You should be very worried about their status, right?
Su Min son-in-law: When the two of them quarreled, my father-in-law habitually said something cruel, so this is also what worries my wife and I. What should I do if they live alone in the future. Although they are older, they are still worried that they will have physical conflicts that will lead to irreversible consequences.
Mammoth News: Your spouse is an only daughter, and your parents-in-law are both in this state. Are you worried about your future pension?
Su Min son-in-law: I am not particularly worried about the economy. My father-in-law’s pension is okay, and the hospital reimbursement can basically be fully covered. My wife and I have also analyzed that unless it is a situation where the elderly is bedridden, and someone needs to stay together, our family may hire a caregiver in this situation.
Mammoth News: Have you considered persuading your father-in-law to make some changes in the future?
Su Min son-in-law: Don't persuade him to change my mother. It doesn't make sense to persuade him to make some changes to us. He will pick and prick. For example, it is normal for children to bump and bump sometimes. Don't interfere too much. As long as it is not dangerous, my wife and I encourage children to feel more. But my father-in-law would say that we are habitually uncomfortable. It's the same as it was to my mother-in-law. It turned out that the object of the nagging was my mother-in-law, and my mother-in-law went out, and the object of the nagging became us (laughs).
Mammoth News: As son-in-law, what do you want them to be like in the future?
Su Min son-in-law: During the time my mother-in-law was out traveling, we would like to take this opportunity to let them put down their previous unhappiness in the future. After all, they are old and will help each other in life.
Actually, my mother-in-law also needs it. I am really lonely when I am old. She cannot travel outside all the time. In the future, she will not be safe to drive when she gets older, and it is impossible for us to keep her traveling alone.
So we also hope that the mother-in-law will only leave for a short time and use this method to mediate the mood. But it is not the norm.
3, call on everyone to look at it rationally and adopt a variety of ways to mediate the mood
Mammoth News: Why do you think the mother-in-law's actions have caused so much attention?
Su Min son-in-law: Actually we didn't expect it. The video of my mother-in-law, and everyone is paying attention to that video of Gao, was actually filmed before she went out. Maybe it happened that day when she got angry and quarreled with my father-in-law, she recorded a video in the car, but she had already decided to go out at the time and was almost done. Then multiple platforms went viral. We know this, and it was said by someone who knew my mother-in-law.
Mammoth News: Regarding your attention, do you have anything to say as a son-in-law?
Su Min son-in-law: We are worried that other families will follow suit, because it is not that all families have the conditions to immediately let go of everything and go on a self-driving tour. My mother-in-law’s situation is just an exception. She can go out without any hindrance.
has a great impact on this matter. We are worried that some netizens will have a great internal conflict and go out desperately, which will intensify family conflicts. This is also possible. Therefore, we also hope that the media can be positively guided when reporting.
You can adjust your mood by paying attention to my mother-in-law, but it's not just a way of traveling by car. I think I learn to express my demands at home, otherwise no one will be able to resist it if I have been depressed.
The agreement between our family and mother-in-law is to help bring the children to kindergarten. Now my mother-in-law is out, and my daughter-in-law has left the job to look after the children at home. It's not that the children don't need help after they go to kindergarten.
Each family has a different situation. We call on everyone to use different methods to ease and adjust their mentality based on their actual situation.
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