text/Yao Xiaoying
picture/from the Internet
It is the Spring Festival again. Some people are happy and some are worried.
I am happy that I finally look forward to the day of family reunion, but I am sad that my parents will urge me to get married when I return home.
When thinking about this, many young people really don’t know whether to be happy or sad.
"If you don't have a partner, you don't dare to go home to celebrate the New Year. Being single is like passing the New Year."
This is the current state of mind of many young people.
They are trembling, struggling and uncomfortable, not knowing how to accept the so-called "love" from their parents, let alone how to pass this "pass".
Extreme "Chinese-style marriage urging"
I once saw a piece of news: a 30-year-old female doctor broke down and cried in the car because her parents were urging her to get married.
She was admitted to a prestigious school through her own efforts, completed graduate school, and received a doctorate.
She moved forward step by step, becoming better and better, and eventually became a key talent cultivated by the country.
Her father was not proud of her at all, but felt that it was embarrassing for her not to get married at the age of 30.
He used extreme methods to urge marriage and personally attacked her. Faced with her father's "sharpness", even though she was highly educated, she couldn't help but collapse.
A 30-year-old female doctor, her life has just begun, but she was dismissed by her father as useless because she was unmarried.
There are many similar news. I once saw an older young man having an emotional breakdown on the highway because his parents excessively forced him to get married, which almost caused a disaster.
A grown man in his 30s was forced by his parents to have no way out.
"Chinese-style marriage urging" is a hot Internet term that has only appeared in recent years. It explains the attitude of Chinese parents towards marriage.
's best explanation for "Chinese-style marriage rush" is that it doesn't matter who you marry, and it doesn't matter whether you live a happy life after marriage. The most important thing is to be able to get married now and complete the task.
In the minds of some parents, children must get married when they reach an age, just like they must eat when they reach an age.
They have a deep obsession with this and will impose their wishes on their children.
They don't care what their children think, nor what kind of life their children really want to live.
They have long regarded marriage as their life mission, and they will not give up until they achieve their goal.
They will use extremely extreme methods to urge their children to get married, including a series of phone calls, repeated "heart-to-heart talks", and even constant "threats".
They treated this matter with an extremely crazy attitude, and they couldn't wait to find someone and their children to get the certificate immediately.
After returning home during the Chinese New Year, they will conduct "three sessions" on their children without caring about their mood.
Young people living in depression and fear
Contemporary young people are under far more pressure than everyone imagines. Although they no longer have to worry about food and clothing like their parents did, they have always been bearing an immeasurable mental weight.
When I was seventeen or eighteen years old, I had to take the college entrance examination under great pressure and give myself a try in life.
When you are in your early 20s, you have to enter the society with an uneasy mentality to meet the turning point in life and start the pressure of the workplace.
When I was in my mid-twenties, I no longer had the pressure of studying or the fear of entering society. I finally took a breather, but my parents forced me to get married in an extreme way.
This time is not the end, but just the beginning.
As long as you don't get married for a day, your parents will urge you to get married day after day, year after year, until you get married according to their requirements.
once met a 30-year-old unmarried young man. He graduated with a bachelor's degree, worked hard in the city for 8 years, mortgaged a house, and successfully completed the steps of promotion and salary increase at work.
But his parents don't seem to care about this at all. They just want him to get married immediately so that they can have grandchildren immediately.
In addition to frequent phone calls urging him to get married, they would also force him to go on blind dates.
If they don't follow their ideas, they will be frustrated; if the blind date is found to be inappropriate, they will also become furious.
I don’t know since when, my parents’ phone calls have become a “death reminder” for young people. Picking up the phone no longer brings joy and sweetness, but only full of fear.
He was afraid of receiving the call from his parents because he knew what would happen next.
In order to avoid his parents' pressure to get married, he didn't even dare to go home for the New Year.
He took the initiative to apply for overtime work, not for three times the salary, but to have some peace and quiet.
This seems to have become the norm among contemporary young people.
's dreaming hometown has become a bit scary because of her parents' extreme urging to get married; those two familiar figures have also become frightening.
Because of some parents, many young people have become frightened.
While enduring work pressure, they also have to face the "oppression" of their parents, which makes it even worse.
When parents' "love" goes against the original intention, it becomes an invisible "shackles"
" Touching the Dragon Says Queen Mother Zhao " writes: "Parents love their children for far-reaching purposes."
Parents who love their children must consider the long term for them, rather than being limited to the immediate gains and losses.
It is undeniable that in real life, most parents love their children, and they have devoted a lot of effort to their children for half their lives.
They are afraid that their children will miss the best period for choosing a spouse and cannot find a suitable partner; they are worried that their children will not be able to get married and will end up alone in the future.
As their children get older day by day, their hearts become more nervous. If their children have not yet started a family after the age of 30, they will be as anxious as ants on a hot pot.
Everything they do is for the future of their children. They have been treating their children in the way they think is best, but they have ignored their feelings.
They use oppressive methods to force their children to get married, but they do not realize that this may be harmful to the children.
Parents' excessive behavior turns their children into frightened birds, and also turns them into poor people who dare not return home. This is a kind of harm.
Even if the child gets married hastily, because he has not found his beloved, his life after marriage is unfortunate, and his life is miserable, this is still a kind of harm.
Why is the divorce rate so high in today’s society? It is because many people regard marriage as a task, so it comes and goes quickly.
Perhaps even the parents themselves do not realize that their so-called love has already gone against the original intention.
Parents who love their children should let them live a happy life instead of letting them live in fear and pain every day.
The Spring Festival comes only once a year. It is the most important festival for Chinese people and the happiest time for family reunions.
Even strangers know not to cause trouble for others during the Chinese New Year. As the biological parents of children, how can they bear to cause trouble for their children and make them suffer during this reunion?
Put everything on hold for the time being, celebrate the New Year happily, and enjoy this reunion time, okay?
——end——
Yao Xiaoying: original author of emotional column and online writer.
Believe that the good things you expect will come as promised.
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