Since ancient times, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has been a complex and sensitive family relationship.
Although both the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law hope to live in harmony with each other before getting married, there will still be various problems after they actually live together.
In some families, the deterioration of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has affected the relationship between husband and wife, and even caused the marriage to break up.
In fact, the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are just two strangers. They met because of the same man, and the role of this man who is both a son and a husband in the relationship between the two women cannot be underestimated.
However, in real life, some men are careless when dealing with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and some are even biased. In the end, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law becomes increasingly tense, and there are also rifts between husband and wife.
incident review:
The seeds of contradiction
Chen Wenli (pseudonym) is the owner of a small processing factory. He is full of passion and fighting spirit.
Chen Wenli's wife Feng Qian (pseudonym) is not only slender, but also very good-looking. Together, the two of them can be said to be both talented and beautiful.
What is even more gratifying is that not long after her marriage, Feng Qian got pregnant and gave birth to a fat son. A few years later, she successfully gave birth to a daughter. The two children made up a good name, which made Chen Wenli extremely happy.
In order to better take care of her children, Feng Qian stopped working. Chen Wenli, who was working hard outside, was worried that Feng Qian would be too busy alone, so he asked his mother Li Qiuyue (pseudonym) to help take care of the children.
In the eyes of outsiders, Feng Qian, who has both children and a daughter, is blessed and enviable. However, Feng Qian found a mediator. She said that both her husband and her parents-in-law regarded her as an outsider, and she felt that there was no need to stay in this home anymore.
Chen Wenli didn't pay attention to his wife's statement. He swore to tell the mediator that their family had always regarded Feng Qian very seriously and had never treated her as an outsider. It was all because his wife was too sensitive. Furthermore, conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law were very common, and there was no need to come here to mediate.
Chen Wenli's attitude made Feng Qian even more helpless and helpless. She told the mediator with tears in her eyes that the seeds of the conflict were planted long before they got married.
It turns out that Feng Qian and Chen Wenli were introduced to each other. After the two met, they liked each other and immediately established a romantic relationship.
Later, Feng Qian became pregnant unexpectedly, but the two were not in a hurry to get married. They thought that they could just get the certificate and get married before the child was born.
Unexpectedly, the child was born prematurely, and a long time ago. For safety reasons, the child was sent to an incubator as soon as he was born.
The birth of a child should have been a happy event, but the huge expenses made Li Qiuyue and her husband Chen Guodong unhappy.
So Li Qiuyue said to her son: "Why didn't you get the certificate earlier? Your wife had insurance from her previous job, which can reimburse a lot of money. Even if the maternity insurance cannot be reimbursed, at least the cost of having a child can be reimbursed."
Chen Wenli became very angry when he mentioned the matter of getting a marriage certificate. He said angrily that we had planned to get the certificate after we found out about the pregnancy, but my mother-in-law refused to give her the household registration certificate. I really had no idea, so I just waited and waited.
As for the reason why Feng Qian was not given a household registration book, Feng Qian’s mother Wang Yanmei (pseudonym) said that there is a custom in their country that when a daughter gets married, the man should give her a red envelope. The size of the red envelope can be arbitrary. However, after she told her son-in-law about this, the son-in-law had no further information, and she was too embarrassed to push her further.
Speaking of this, Wang Yanmei wiped away tears. She said that no one expected that the child would be born so early. If she had known, she would not have cared about whether there was a red envelope.
Wang Yanmei's self-blame made Feng Qian feel even more uncomfortable. She cried and said, "No one expected such a thing to happen, but I think it's over. But my husband always mentions this matter. Every time we have a quarrel, he uses this as an excuse. He says it's all because of my mother hiding the household registration book."
Then Feng Qian told the mediator that her father passed away when she was seven years old. It was not easy for her mother to raise five children by herself. Now that she has grown up, it is really unfilial to make her mother complain and get angry because of her own affairs.
At this point, Feng Qian had already burst into tears, but Chen Wenli on the side was indifferent, and Li Qiuyue and Chen Guodong were expressionless.
Mother-in-law accidentally beat her child to death
After Feng Qian stabilized her mood, she told a shocking thing, that is, her daughter Tiantian, who was less than two years old, was beaten to death by her mother-in-law Li Qiuyue.
According to Feng Qian, one day her mother-in-law was dissatisfied with her bringing her brother's child home, so she had a quarrel with her. When her mother-in-law saw her holding the child in her left hand, she hit her right hand.
When her mother-in-law's sister saw this, she also stepped forward and pulled her hair. When she struggled, her mother-in-law's fist suddenly hit Tiantian's temple. Tiantian cried so much that her lips were black, and she had to coax her for a long time.
Originally she thought her daughter was fine, but a month later, when she was breastfeeding her child, the child suddenly started crying again. This time she cried until her lips were black again.
The panicked Feng Qian immediately called her husband Chen Wenli, but Chen Wenli said that you must have failed to take good care of her and made her catch a cold.
Chen Wenli's words made Feng Qian feel cold. She immediately hung up the phone and took her daughter to the hospital. The doctor at the hospital told Feng Qian that the child had epilepsy. As for the cause of the disease, it could be brain damage or other reasons.
Chen Guodong, who was present at the time, immediately explained after hearing what the doctor said that her wife did not hit the child intentionally.
At this point, Feng Qian became even more angry. She said that as a grandfather, his first reaction was wrong. He should consider how to save the child instead of explaining.
Li Qiuyue and Chen Guodong, who had been listening in, could no longer restrain their emotions. Li Qiuyue said excitedly: "She was just fooling around. I didn't hit the child at all. She wanted to hit me, but she hit the child by mistake. My sister was present at the time, but she was just trying to start a fight."
Chen Guodong said, I just explained the situation at that time, and I didn't want to treat the child.
The three of them were arguing like this, and the scene was in chaos. When the mediator saw this, he couldn't help but ask: "What about the child? What happened to the child?"
When the child was mentioned, Feng Qian collapsed instantly. She said that the child left after getting sick three times, so she never wanted to stay in this home anymore.
Feng Qian's words shocked everyone present. They were shocked and saddened. No one expected that this child who was less than two years old would become a victim of family conflicts.
knelt down on the spot
Then Feng Qian told the mediator that it was not only the death of her daughter that made her sad, but there was another thing that she could not accept.
Feng Qian said that she and her husband bought a house after they got married, but she was kicked out because her parents-in-law and sister-in-law said that the house was bought by her husband and had nothing to do with her.
Feng Qian also said that after so many years of marriage, she only lived in her husband's house for one year, and the rest of the time she was kicked out and lived outside.
In response, Li Qiuyue said, you asked me to leave first, and then I asked you to leave.
Chen Wenli explained from the side that both his wife and mother have short tempers. When they are angry, they speak arrogantly. They will inevitably say some words that hurt each other, but they will pull them off after they have said it. Don't hold grudges.
Chen Wenli also said that his processing factory has just started and he needs to do everything by himself. He is extremely busy every day and it is really hard...
Before Chen Wenli finished speaking, Feng Qian said: "You have worked hard, don't I work hard?"
The mediator saw this and said to Feng Qian: "Don't rush to criticize him. Listen to what he has to say. He is not saying that you are not working hard." , but talk about his situation and his emotional needs. The first thing you two should do is listen and speak well. "
When it comes to speaking well, Feng Qian told the mediator very aggrievedly that she was scolded by her father-in-law more than once for being uneducated.
In Feng Qian's view, her father-in-law knew that she had lost her father in her early years and still scolded her like this. It was obviously a deliberate attempt to rub salt into the wound and disrespect her.
In response, Chen Wenli explained that his father did not deliberately target his wife because this sentence was his mantra. The mediator
said that no matter what, a person should not use such hurtful words as a mantra. As a husband, you should protect your wife, and you should also communicate with your father and ask him to pay attention to the propriety of his words.
The mediator then told Chen Guodong that she had lost her father a long time ago and it was not easy for her mother to raise five children. For such people, we should pay more attention and care instead of deliberately adding salt to the wound.
Chen Guodong had no expression on his face and did not respond at all. Chen Wenli said that she also scolded my father, and sometimes her words were particularly unpleasant.
In Chen Wenli's opinion, his father scolded his wife for a reason, and as a junior, the wife should respect the elderly more.
Chen Wenli's attitude made Feng Qian burst into tears. She said, "What makes me most angry is that my husband and his parents vent their anger on the same nose. This makes it impossible for me to stay in this home."
Only then did Chen Wenli realize the seriousness of the problem. He said that he did not serve as a good bridge of communication between his wife and parents, and he did not pay more attention to his wife's mood. He would correct it in the future.
Then Chen Wenli knelt directly in front of Li Qiuyue and Chen Guodong. He choked and said: "Mom and Dad, it was not easy for you to raise me. Now that I have grown up, you don't enjoy the blessings, and you have to worry about me." , I'm sorry for you."
said, Chen Wenli kowtowed to his parents. Seeing this, Feng Qian also knelt on the ground. She said I was sorry, I did something wrong, and I would change it in the future.
Everyone at the scene was moved when they saw this situation. Li Qiuyue and Chen Guodong had already had red circles in their eyes.
Afterwards, the family of four hugged each other and cried bitterly. Li Qiuyue and Chen Guodong kept saying that the matter was over and we could live a good life together.
Personal opinion:
1. If you want to solve the problem, you must first find the root of the problem
In my opinion, after Feng Qian became pregnant, both parties and their families should rush to arrange the marriage of two people. After all, this is a major event in life and a turning point in life.
However, after Chen Wenli learned that he needed to give red envelopes, he resorted to procrastination. But what he never expected was that the child would be born early.
As a result, they spent a lot of money. In addition, since the two of them did not obtain the certificates, the cost of giving birth and keeping the child in an incubator could not be reimbursed. After the man's parents had to bear the cost, they naturally felt aggrieved. However, Chen Wenli did not look for his own reasons, but instead shifted the responsibility to his mother-in-law.
This incident has become a source of conflict between Feng Qian, her husband, and her parents-in-law. In fact, in the final analysis, the fault lies with the man. As a man, Chen Wenli should bravely admit his mistakes and assume his own responsibilities instead of blindly blaming and shirking.
2. Mutual respect is the foundation of harmonious coexistence, and mutual consideration is the advanced stage of mutual respect.
Feng Qian, who lost her father when she was young, is sensitive and has low self-esteem. Her heart desires to be respected and cared for more than ordinary people. She is also more prone to overthinking and getting hurt.
As a family member, whether it is the husband or the parents-in-law, they should have a little more love and care for her, instead of pouring salt on her wounds unabashedly.
As a younger generation, Feng Qian should have more respect for her father-in-law and mother-in-law, especially if her husband is away from home all year round and her father-in-law and mother-in-law help her take care of the children, she should be more grateful.
Mutual respect and harmony are the basic elements for people to live in harmony. On this basis, only if we can understand each other can we truly live in harmony.
3. The harm caused by domestic violence is huge
Domestic violence is undesirable at any time, but some people can easily lose control of their limbs when they are emotionally excited, which can easily turn a small incident into an uncontrollable scene or even a tragedy.
Just like the family in the story, a quarrel between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law actually hit an innocent child, and eventually the innocent child died of illness. What this incident of
has taught us is that domestic violence cannot solve problems, but can only intensify conflicts. Therefore, no matter what happens, people should control their emotions and never hit others.
4. Men should shoulder the responsibilities of the family
The so-called family responsibilities are not just for men to go out and make money, but to bear the responsibilities as husbands and sons.
A man who knows how to deal with conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law usually says good things and hides things from both sides, while those men who are in the middle and remain silent will only make family conflicts intensify, and even seriously affect the relationship between husband and wife.
Finally, I hope that every couple can be independent, whether financially or in life, because only when they are truly independent can they live separately from their parents-in-law and reduce intersections and disputes.
As an elderly person, you should also grasp the boundaries and not get too involved in your children's small family. After all, children and grandchildren will have their own blessings, and you must let go when it's time to let go.
Only in this way can we truly achieve harmony at home and everything.
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