A man encountered a traffic jam on his way to work, so he was 10 minutes late than usual and half a day's salary was deducted.
Immediately afterwards, he was called to the office by his boss. Because of his mistake, he was severely criticized by the leader.
When he got home from get off work and saw his wife, he vented all his anger on her.
At this time, the son came home from school. When the wife saw that her son was dirty, she scolded her son without asking the reason.
Then, the son kicked the cat that passed in front of him into the corner. The "chain reaction" story of
is the famous " kicking the cat effect ".
This is a concept in psychology, which means:
When a person vents his emotions to the people around him, this negative emotion will often transfer and be transmitted "top to bottom" layer by layer. And the final victim must be the weakest person.
Writer Leo Tolstoy said: "Anger makes others suffer, but the one who suffers the most is himself."
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Why do people get angry and have irritable moods?
1. Anger comes from "the accumulation of small things"
The last straw that breaks the camel's back is the moment when our anger breaks out.
For example:
You are particularly unlucky at a certain stage, and all kinds of troubles affect you.
Work is not going well, life is not going well, and your relationship is bad. You feel as if you have entered a low period in life.
If it was just one small thing alone, you would not collapse; but one small thing after another comes one after another, making you unbearable.
You break down and cry while angrily transferring your emotions to others.
You want to talk, but if you are not understood and cannot find someone to listen to, you will vent all these negative emotions.
What weighs down relationships, marriages, friendships, and even your emotional stability are often the endless little things.
For example:
You were fired by the company. When you returned to the rental house, you found that the bathroom was clogged and the toilet water filled the room with a stink;
The rent was due soon and the landlord asked for a rent increase. Either continue or pack up and leave. People;
The person you have been in love with for many years suddenly sends you a message to break up with you;
Looking at the balance in the card, you are anxious and collapse;
At this time, someone knocks on the door angrily. When you open the door, you find that the other person has knocked on the wrong door.
As a result, all your grievances and resentments will most likely be vented on the other person.
Anger is itself a "chain reaction".
2. Anger comes from "confrontation" dissatisfaction
You go out to eat with a group of friends, but one person always targets you.
mock you, belittle you, ridicule you, accuse you.
The hostility and contempt towards you are revealed in every word.
You endured it again and again, but finally you couldn't bear it anymore.
Then you get angry, explode, and scold the other person.
You vented your anger and felt relieved, but you also knew that your relationship with these people was over.
However, you don’t regret it much.
This kind of anger comes from our resistance or dissatisfaction when we are hurt by the outside world.
3. Anger is an expression of emotion
including positive emotions and negative emotions.
For example: you feel unfair for certain people or something, and you sympathize with them, so you share the same hatred and hatred with them.
This kind of anger is an emotional expression of a sense of justice and a desire to solve unfairness.
And anger is sometimes a negative emotional expression.
Cold violence in relationships, parents’ unreasonable accusations and belittling of their children, “emotional transfer” in interpersonal relationships, etc. These are all negative violence.
No matter what kind of anger, it will only bring you harm.
Research shows:
When you are angry, the body's immune function will be reduced; and when you are in a positive mood and are in a happy mood, the whole person will feel great.
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"Emotional stability" is a person's greatest wealth
Writer Kant said:
"Being angry is punishing yourself for the mistakes of others."
Have you ever felt this way?
When you are in a good mood, you feel relaxed in everything you do.
You are more active at work, your mobility is enhanced, and you are willing to smile when you see strangers. Even the person you hate seems less annoying when you see him.
When you are in a good mood, your relationship with your family gets better and better.
The relationship between husband and wife has improved, their attitude towards parents has improved, and their views on children have changed.
When you are in a good mood, you feel that your whole body is full of energy.
On the contrary, if you are irritable, angry, or anxious, you feel that nothing you do goes well.
Why is this?
In psychology, emotions often determine your behavior and ideas.
When people are angry, they are often irrational and often do some extreme things; and after something happens, they will doubt whether they did it themselves.
In fact, he was overwhelmed by anger.
How to stabilize your emotions?
1. "Anger Delay"
Whenever you realize that you are going to be angry, just recite a few numbers silently in your mind, and then tell yourself: "I am not angry, anger can't solve any problems."
During this process, remember to take a deep breath and relax yourself.
2. Understand that anger cannot solve the problem.
Anger will only affect your ability to think calmly and make you a slave to your emotions.
Only by controlling your emotions and maintaining emotional stability can you be a respectable person.
3. Express in time and stop losses in time
If you have conflicts with family, friends or colleagues, their behavior makes you angry.
At this time, you must learn to express your dissatisfaction and true thoughts.
You need to let them know why you are angry, and hope that they will not do similar things to hurt you in the future.
Normally, when you express it, they will change.
If they don't change, then end this relationship as soon as possible.
4. Let yourself become a "strong one"
A strong person is often not despised by others, and few people lose their temper with him.
Because those who are used to losing their temper vent their anger to those in "lower positions".
And in the end, it is often the weakest ones at the bottom who bear all the bad emotions.
Today’s topic:
Can you control your anger?
(Article picture source network)
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