I have never been able to understand the love of my fathers, just like I can’t understand my father and mother.
My mother is five years older than my father. She is a little over 1.5 meters tall and weighs over 160 kilograms. She speaks vulgarly and is small but has a naturally loud voice.
She has been like this since I can remember. Seeing her sitting on the maza made by my grandfather, I would worry from time to time that she would crush the maza.
Fortunately, it has never happened.
When my father married my mother, it was really like a flower stuck on cow dung, but this flower was my father.
My father is over 1.8 meters tall, slender and tall. He speaks softly and has a gentle temper.
The more important point is that my father was a worker on the railway. In the words of people of that era, he lived on food from the national treasury.
According to my father’s conditions at the time. A daughter-in-law is not allowed to be picky. What no one expected was that he would marry a mother who was five years older than him and looked absolutely unmatched for him.
I asked my father secretly if there was anything I could hold on to in my mother's hands. My father smiled and flicked my forehead: "You don't understand adult matters, so don't speculate."
My mother gave birth to me when she was 30 years old. In accordance with the two-child policy at the time, I gave birth to a younger brother when I was 33 years old, so I was only three years older than my younger brother.
Do you know what I was most afraid of when I was a child? What I fear most is that I will grow up to look like my mother.
When I was in junior high school, I was already 1.65 meters tall, and I finally let out a sigh of relief.
If my mother's life is good and she finds a warm man like my father, I don't dare to hope so. After all, how many men like my father are there in this world?
But the younger brother looks very much like his mother. So in my heart, I always thought that the reason why my mother preferred my younger brother was because my younger brother looked like him.
Actually, this is just my guess. In fact, my mother’s preference for sons over daughters comes from the ideological inheritance of my grandmother.
My grandma gave birth to 7 daughters in her life, but no sons. She suffered a lot of injustice and contempt from my grandpa’s family.
She brainwashed her seven daughters that if they want to have status in a family, they must have a son.
I have seven mothers and sisters, and I believe my grandma’s words. My aunt sent my second sister to my home after she was born. She has been with me since I grew up, and she has become the salvation of my life.
My mother, who wanted a son, seemed to have been slapped in the face when I was born. She put me by the bed in disgust and asked my father to send me away.
My father, who always obeyed her words, did not listen to her. He wrapped me up in the quilt that grandma had prepared long ago, and gave me a nice name, Fengling.
Before he left for work, he gave many instructions to my grandma to take good care of me and not to let me suffer any injustice on my mother’s side.
The situation of grandma and grandma is exactly the opposite. She gave birth to 5 sons and nearly ten grandchildren. I am not only her son, but also the only girl in her grandchild generation.
Therefore, she treated me like a darling, and my cousin also took advantage of me.
Although my mother didn't want to see me, she did it for the sake of grandma and father, but she didn't really make me suffer much grievance until my younger brother was born.
A newborn baby is like a little monkey, with wrinkles all over his face. He can be as ugly as he wants. I am too disgusted to hold him. My mother slapped me aside:
"Why are you so lonely, you stinky child? He is your brother and your relative, what qualifications do you have to dislike him?"
Grandma took me aside as I cried: "Don't take it out on me, what does a three-year-old child know?"
My mother no longer resented me, but rarely let me get close to my brother. She doted on me without limit. So much so that his brother developed a lawless temper.
My younger brother stopped going to school after he finished the second grade of junior high school. He and a group of gangsters opened a motorcycle repair shop on the street.
In order to be the head of the house, my mother spent all the family savings. In my father's words, if my brother wanted the moon in the sky, if my mother could do it, she would have to find ways to get it for him.
I persuaded my mother that my brother is already old and we can no longer let his temper run wild. However, my mother thinks I am nosy. Her own son can be pampered as much as he wants, and it has nothing to do with me.
But his brother finally let him down. Instead of using his money on the right path, he spent more than 12,000 yuan to buy a Prince motorcycle.
is the kind with a low seat in the front and a high seat in the back. It's cool, sassy, and dangerous.
When my younger brother rides a bicycle, he often puts his hands on the handlebars and raises his arms flat. He says he wants to enjoy the feeling of flying.
just took his life in before he could fly.
That afternoon he was riding with a friend of his, and the young man he was sitting behind was driving in front.
A car suddenly appeared on the deserted road. The young man on the bike suddenly stepped on the brakes in desperation. The younger brother didn't react and flew directly over the young man's head, falling straight onto the road.
He didn't wear a helmet for the sake of style.
The young man was fine but was frightened. He called the emergency number of County Hospital and then the emergency number of the Traditional Chinese Medicine Hospital. Although doctors came one after another, they were all exhausted.
He was only 20 years old when his younger brother left and had just obtained his driver's license.
Mother is crazy.
She stood at the door every day waiting for her baby son to come home. I was afraid that something would happen to her, so I quit my job to be with her.
But she didn’t recognize me anymore. She held my hand and asked if she had seen her Baoshan. Baoshan was so good and obedient...
I coaxed her back to the house and let her eat well. When she sleeps and wakes up, her Baoshan will be back.
She sat obediently next to the bed, and I put the rice back into her mouth with a spoon. She swallowed it obediently, and then crawled on the bed obediently:
"Will he come when I wake up?"
"Yes, because he likes mothers who listen to him..."
My mother lay on the bed obediently and fell asleep, but I hid in the darkness and broke down crying.
My cousin held me in her arms and patted my back gently. His arms were very warm, just like my grandma's arms when I was a child.
postponed the wedding for my mother’s cousin because she was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to take care of her myself.
Later, my father had no choice but to retire and accepted the job of taking care of my mother.
My cousin got married, but I broke up with my boyfriend.
He is in the army and has been developing well. He wants me to accompany him to the station and then get married and start a family.
But I can't worry about my parents. Even though he cried and begged me: "Can't we take over my father and mother after we get married, and we can take care of them together?"
I have thought about it, but I can't be so selfish. Taking care of my mother is my responsibility, not his. Besides, people are fickle and there are too many uncertain factors.
Who can guarantee that he can treat me and my family as always? We are just a burden to him who has a bright future.
Later, I found a job near home so that I could help my father take care of my mother. Most of the time, my mother was quietly in a daze, and sometimes she would become hysterical. She tore my hair off more than once and scratched my face:
"You are a loser, why is it not you who died! Why not you?"
Yes, why not me? If it were me who died, my mother would never be so sad, and she might forget about me in a few days.
I numbly allowed my mother to tear my body apart, but my father pushed my mother away: "Lingling, don't worry, your mother is crazy, some words are not what she meant..."
I know, so I don't blame her.
After breaking up with my boyfriend, I no longer wanted to touch marriage. I wanted to stay with my father and my mother as they grew older until they died.
But my father was unwilling.He didn't want his precious daughter to live her life like an old man.
He asked people everywhere to talk about marriage, and even promised that he and his mother would not be a burden to me.
It wasn’t until I was 35 years old that I met someone who was willing to raise my father and mother with me, and then I agreed to get married.
The strange thing is that the moment my son was born, my mother suddenly stopped going crazy. She held my son and burst into tears.
Life is an inheritance and a reincarnation. At the age of 65, she takes care of her children in an orderly manner and is more careful than anyone else.
My husband and I were together, but my father was worried from the beginning. Later, he simply gave up and let her take on all the children's care, including their daily life.
The mother recovered and lived to be eighty-three years old. She died on the third day of her son's coming-of-age ceremony when he was 18 years old.
That day is my brother’s memorial day.
Conclusion:
Suddenly I wanted to write this story. The protagonist of the story is an alumnus of mine who is now in his 50s.
She said that she has been redeeming her whole life, redeeming her mother and herself.
She never believed that her mother loved her. It was not until she had a child that she discovered that some love was not overexpressed.
From her story, I discovered tolerance and understanding.
Since there are some people and things that we cannot change, then try to change your mentality.
Don't take life seriously and try to reconcile with the past. This is the true meaning of happiness.
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-