Life is like a ruler and must be measured.
The more intimate people are, the more they need to maintain a sense of boundaries and propriety.
Teacher Wu Zhihong, a famous psychology expert, once proposed a theory - "mushy logic" .
What is mushy logic? Teacher Wu Zhihong gave the example of a woman who lived in a large Chinese-style family. She had to get the consent of important people in her family to get married, have children, buy a house, and enroll future children in school. She felt that this was a huge network, and the very sticky interpersonal relationships made her very scared. This kind of sticky interpersonal relationship is called sticky logic .
Corresponding to pasty logic is boundary awareness.
The most straightforward explanation of boundary awareness is "I am me, you are you; you need my help with your affairs, you tell me, I do my own thing, and I don't need too much interference from others."
In a large family without boundary awareness, the biggest trouble is that the feeling of a small family is particularly weak. It is not easy for you to form a nuclear family of several members, and it seems that anyone can point fingers at your small family.
01 The interference of mother-in-law and sister-in-law ruined a 27-year marriage
incident review: The gray-haired old lady with a bad tone in the picture is the mother-in-law of Juying (pseudonym). As soon as she saw her daughter-in-law appear, the almost 80-year-old woman immediately became energetic and rushed to deal with her daughter-in-law. She also yelled: "Why did I hit you!"
After all, she was old. Although Juying's mother-in-law had a loud enough voice, her actions were no longer very agile, so she directly signaled her youngest son and daughter standing beside her to hit Juying.
Hearing the old lady's arrogant tone, the mediator on the side immediately couldn't stand it anymore. In order to prevent Juying from being bullied by her husband's family, the mediator rushed forward to stop Juying and persuaded the old lady: "Actually, it's not easy for this woman. She works several jobs by herself. Let's talk about it slowly."
Regarding the mediator's persuasion, the old lady didn't seem to buy it; She said even more emotionally: "What's wrong with working several jobs? The money earned from working is not given to our family."
Juying felt aggrieved when she heard her mother-in-law's hurtful words. She asked her mother-in-law: "Who will return the hole I borrowed?"
Regarding the attitude of her husband's family, Juying told the mediator that this was not the first time that her husband's family had done something to her. After being married to her husband's family for 27 years, her mother-in-law not only encouraged her husband to hit her, but even her sister-in-law and brother-in-law could do anything to her at her mother's instruction.
Because he couldn't stand her daughter-in-law, a few years ago, at the strong request of her mother-in-law, her husband went through the divorce procedures with him. But now that her husband is ill and in bed with no one to take care of her, her husband's family wants to call her back. It was precisely because she rejected her mother-in-law's proposal that she was scolded by her mother-in-law and even threatened to have her son and daughter beat her up.
After a dispute, Juying planned to leave, but what she didn't expect was that her sister-in-law suddenly rushed out of the crowd and knelt directly in front of her, begging her to take care of him for the sake of being married to her elder brother, and to take pity on him.
Faced with her sister-in-law's heartbreaking plea, Juying quickly fled the scene. She said that if it weren't for the large number of people watching at the scene, her sister-in-law would have done it to her. Now she is begging on her knees just to pull herself back to take care of her brother.
02 The ex-husband is sick, and the sister-in-law jumps out to point fingers again
The husband and wife are happy for a hundred days, but why can Juying keep her expression calm in the face of her sister-in-law's pleas?
Juying said that not long after she divorced, her ex-husband was diagnosed with a serious illness, because her husband's family ignored him, so out of the love between the couple, she took her ex-husband to take care of her, but her husband's family never showed up. While raising a child, she also had to help her ex-husband raise medical expenses. After the divorce, Juying also had to build a house for herself. The financial pressure was understandable.In order to solve the money problem, Juying regarded herself as a money-making tool. She worked three jobs a day as a woman, but her husband's family didn't even say a word of concern.
Talking about what her mother-in-law did, Juying could no longer hold back her tears. She said that she had been married to her ex-husband for 27 years and called her mother-in-law for 27 years. She was the eldest daughter-in-law who took care of all the big and small things in the family, but her mother-in-law still disliked her and targeted her everywhere. What makes her even more chilling is that every time she has a conflict with her mother-in-law, her husband always takes her side indiscriminately. In addition, her mother-in-law always likes to call her youngest son and daughter to help out, so a situation that often occurs at home is that she and her mother-in-law have conflicts, and finally the husband, brother-in-law, and sister-in-law join forces to educate her.
Juying originally thought that the grievances she had suffered from her husband's family were over with the divorce and that she could start a new life. However, her ex-husband's sudden illness made her burden even heavier. Not long ago, she took a job that required her to go out of town, so she thought about sending her ex-husband back to her mother-in-law to be taken care of by her family for a period of time. But what she never expected was that her sister-in-law, whom she had not seen for a long time, popped up again at this time. She scolded her and slapped herself twice.
Just like every time she was beaten before, this time when faced with the slap thrown by her sister-in-law, no one in her husband's family stood by her, and her ex-husband still didn't say a word to help her. Facing such a family, Juying felt discouraged and couldn't be bothered anymore, so she planned to leave. But as soon as she went out, the scene at the beginning of the picture happened. Her mother-in-law once again yelled for her son and the girl to beat her.
Juying said that only she knows the sacrifices and grievances she has made over the past 27 years. She does not expect her husband's family to appreciate it, but she cannot forgive them for hurting her like this after she divorced her ex-husband.
Facing her sister-in-law who had decided to leave, Juying's sister-in-law seemed to finally realize the seriousness of the problem, so she knelt down and begged. She said that her mother is old and it is definitely unrealistic to expect her to take care of her eldest brother. She and her second brother both have their own families and cannot take time off. Since her eldest brother and sister-in-law have children, she hopes that their family can still live together, so that not only does her eldest brother have someone to take care of her, but her nephew also has a complete family.
Despite the wishful thinking of her husband's family, Juying, who can earn money to support herself with her own hands, is no longer the soft persimmon she once was. Faced with their pleading and scolding, Juying chose to leave without looking back.
Seeing his wife's retreating figure and thinking about his difficult situation, Juying's husband looked a little lonely.
03 Emotional Analysis
Marriage and love are a matter of two people, but marriage is a matter of two families. Especially when a woman marries into the man's family, she has to get along with her mother-in-law. The quality of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law directly affects the quality of the marriage.
In married life, how to get along with the mother-in-law should be a "little incident" for a woman. However, if you encounter a difficult mother-in-law, many small conflicts will have the effect of " boiling a frog in warm water ". Over time, the marriage may disintegrate.
For Juying, her mother-in-law's strength, her husband's confusion, and her brother-in-law and sister-in-law's lack of boundaries directly turned their marriage into a mess.
To solve the problem of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, it is nothing more than comparing one's heart with one's heart and exchanging sincerity for sincerity. If the mother-in-law has a strong personality and always treats her daughter-in-law as an outsider and targets her at every turn, then her son's small family will not be able to handle it well.
There are always some people who don’t know how to respect other people’s boundaries and wantonly invade other people’s lives. For Juying's sister-in-law, her brother and sister-in-law are her family. As a junior, she should be a good glue when her mother and sister-in-law have conflicts, but she directly sidetracks her and even takes action. This is not what a person with a sense of boundaries should do.The human heart is made of flesh. When the eldest brother was sick, the sister-in-law wanted to ask her sister-in-law to take care of him. It would be too selfish to emphasize that they are a family at this time.
For Juying's husband, when there is a conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, a smart husband is like double-sided tape. However, Juying's husband is a typical mama's boy, which breaks his wife's heart. A person who can witness his younger brother and sister beating his wife really has no sense of responsibility at all. Now that he has no one to take care of him, he is just asking for it.
As the saying goes: "Leave a thin line in life so that we can meet each other easily in the future."
You must know that life in this world is not full of competition and plunder, but more of a win-win situation. In a life created by tolerance and giving, how can we be afraid of being dark without lights or raining without an umbrella?
Today’s topic discussion: What do you think of Juying’s family’s actions?
(pictures come from the Internet, deleted due to infringement)
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