What we oppose is not "love that is predicated on marriage", what we oppose is "love that is for the sake of marriage!"
This is a bit confusing, isn't it? Looking at the same two sentences, you taste them carefully, but they have completely different meanings.
The first sentence is to say that falling in love is not just for fun, but that you seriously want to be with this person and get along well with him in the direction of getting married.
The second sentence is to say that the purpose of being with this person is to get married. Love has become an accessory to marriage. It doesn’t matter if you have it or not, as long as you can get married.
You must know that the prerequisite for marriage is to fall in love, but the result of falling in love may not be marriage.
Because many people do fall in love with the purpose of getting married, but after talking, they realize that the two people are not compatible, so breaking up may not be the best result.
1. Getting married is easy, but finding someone to love for a lifetime is difficult.
Actually, getting married is very easy and can be achieved by getting a certificate in minutes, but finding the right person is difficult and takes a long time and energy.
It’s a pity that many people sacrifice their own lives for the sake of a married status, and don’t care about or even ignore the more important things in a relationship.
Those who fall in love for the sake of marriage usually have two situations:
1. If they don’t understand enough, they find that they are not suitable after marriage.
I don’t know if falling in love is for marriage, but I know that falling in love is for knowing whether the other person is suitable for marriage.
Without the process of falling in love, how can you know who is a scumbag and who is a good match? Who can ask you whether your porridge is warm or who can accompany you in the evening.
Practice is the only criterion for testing truth , and falling in love is the only process to test whether you can get married. Therefore, it is not worth the gain to fall in love simply for the purpose of getting married, but neglecting whether the other person is suitable for the relationship.
2. There is not enough harmony, and there are constant quarrels after marriage.
It is also very common that there is not enough time for a relationship, and neither party has the ability and wisdom to solve problems. When encountering conflicts, they either run away or fight hard. The result is as you can imagine, the more noisy and tense the relationship becomes.
For example, those couples who quarrel over silly issues such as "Squeeze toothpaste in the front and back", "You cook or I wash the dishes", "Who will do the housework", "Who will go home during the New Year", all neglected to adjust and consider the basic contradictions when they were in love, and finally became comatose after marriage.
2. Love does not necessarily lead to marriage, but it must lead to maturity!
It is lucky to fall in love and get married, and it is also lucky to not be able to get married, because you know what kind of person is not suitable for you, and what kind of person is not suitable for you.
Therefore, rather than saying that falling in love is about getting married, it is better to say that falling in love is about continuous understanding, trial and error, and avoiding pitfalls. In the process, you can become a better version of yourself and find or get along with a more suitable person.
Then, I would rather say that falling in love is to reduce the cost of trial and error, improve emotional intelligence and love quotient, so that you can move towards marriage more smoothly and happily.
1. Falling in love is about trial and error, and considering whether two people are suitable for each other.
Try love before marriage. The test is whether you two are truly in love.
Just like what you want is emotional value, he can only give you economic value, and no amount of money can buy you happiness; conversely, what you want is money and material things, and he can only coax you to accompany you, so the emotional value seems worthless.
A is honey, B is arsenic. Whether two people can become a couple really depends on whether they are right and the conditions match. It also depends on each other's three views, spiritual world, and whether the other party can meet their core needs.
Nothing is absolutely right in this era, especially when it comes to marriage and love. The old man's "well-matched" simply refers to the outside world, but if he doesn't have what you want, and what he gives you is not what you want, then nothing will be right.
So, the benefits of falling in love are highlighted. The longer you get along, the closer you get along, the more you can know whether you two are the same.
For example, if you like to eat street stalls, he also likes to eat street stalls; if you like to buy Dior Chanel, he also likes to enjoy luxury goods, then there is nothing wrong with you when you are together, at least the consumption view is consistent, and you will not fight for spending money after marriage.
The most important thing is that the cost of trial and error in love is low. This is not enough. If you replace it, the price you pay is at most money and time. It is far better than the internal friction of "being able to live without separation" after marriage.
2. Love is to run-in, test and exercise the ability to learn from strengths and weaknesses.
In addition to whether you are the right person to each other, you will try to become the right person.
There is no one born with a fit. Most people can move towards fit, but it is just the result of the efforts of both parties. You are willing to give in, he can tolerate, you know his weaknesses, he knows your mind.
During your love experience, you constantly correct yourself and influence each other. On the one hand, you have mastered the skills of love and understood that relationships cannot rely solely on fate, but on management;
On the other hand, you have improved your ability to resolve conflicts. After a quarrel, you are not breaking up, but knowing each other better, and then avoid repeating the same mistakes next time.
Therefore, you need to be cautious when getting married, but love needs to be bold, boldly tried and contact in order to cultivate a keen eye and a delicate and transparent heart. If you can't do this, I advise you to be cautious!
3. Love is for the sake of experience, and the process is always important to the result.
In my opinion, falling in love is really a great life experience, from which you will understand love, human nature, and understand many things that other interpersonal relationships cannot feel.
This process itself is a kind of gain, not to mention that every trial and error is to prepare for the next success, so don’t be too destined. Even if it’s a breakup, it will definitely be a maturity after going through thousands of sails.
You should know that experience is accumulated little by little. Yesterday you made you today.
So back to this question, is it for marriage to fall in love? I definitely hope to get married, but I should be glad if I can't get married.
Because marriage is for happiness, breaking up is also for happiness. If you find that the other party is not suitable when you fall in love, then stop the loss in time and thank the other party for not marrying!
Author: This is profound, second-level psychological counselor; EFT training partner therapist; Intimate relationship book "Knowing Love, Rebuilding Intimate Relationship" author (the book once won the first place in the hot list of Dangdang's new books on gender relations), translator/programmer of Dr. Marshall's books "Nonviolent Communication·Genders" and "Nonviolent Communication·Emotional Edition"; if you have any questions, please send a private message to me~
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-