In the past, people always wanted to be a popular person who could be calm and relaxed in public speeches. However, more and more people don’t care about these things anymore. They seem to care more about their true thoughts. In virtual social networks, people always hide behind

In the past, people always wanted to be a popular person who could be calm and relaxed in public speeches. However, more and more people don’t care about these things anymore. They seem to care more about their true thoughts. In virtual social networks, people always hide behind computers and play different roles from their real selves.

No matter how hard you dodge, people cannot avoid dealing with others, and communication and communication are still important. Even if it is just about communicating with your family, your wife, children, and parents, one key is skill, that is - chatting.

Author Carol Freming is a doctor of language communication disorders at Northwestern University in the United States, a language pathologist and best-selling author.

She once opened a clinic to help special people diagnosed with communication disorder for treatment. This book was written specifically for ordinary people who have needs in daily communication.

In a sense, everyone needs to chat, and this matter means more to us than we think. No one can be a person who does not communicate with the outside world at all, and it is impossible to be isolated from the world. Regarding why we need to chat, the author's answer is: chat is the sound that people try to get close to each other.

This is the sound that people make when they look for similarities, share interests, express friendly and kindness, and devote their friendship and emotions. It is just because they need each other without utilitarian purposes.

Although we don’t want to “speak”, the needs hidden in our hearts are real. We need to be seen, recognized, affirmed, and we need friendship and love. And these also require us to speak to the right people in order to get corresponding responses. Maybe we just agree with the meaning of chatting. But, there is another thing that is really hard. That is, we really don't know how to do it.

Are you a social terror? Then you are definitely not very good at finding things without saying anything.

This book emphasizes a very important point, that is: It is important to understand the other party’s needs.

Think about it carefully, it's true. Do not do to others what you do not want others to do to you. Just think about it a little bit from the perspective of others and you can know which behaviors are annoying when "chatting" with others.

The author listed many such behaviors, such as:

only talks endlessly, regardless of whether the other person wants to listen or not;

people who are very self-centered speak topics that have nothing to do with the other person;

like to show off themselves and feel good about themselves...

yes, why do others chat with such people? It makes people feel that this is a completely torture and a completely waste of time. The author believes that people with too strong sense of self cannot understand each other in conversation. She listed such an example in the book, and we can feel it.

" Can chat with anyone " has this passage in the book "

There are two kinds of people in the world:

One kind of people will say, "Hey, I'm here!"

Another kind of people will say, "Ah, you're here."

We can see that maybe there is only one word difference, but the other person's feelings will be completely different. "Speaking is the voice of the heart" is indeed nothing wrong. When we want to establish a good relationship with each other, we will naturally want to meet each other's needs.

However, many times, we feel that we can't do it. When we meet a girl who is moved, meet our boss in the elevator, and meet colleagues we don’t know very well, these moments make us feel overwhelmed.

So we need to actively "go out" and take action:

Start with a sentence of "Hello"

When you want to avoid it, you might as well try a smile, a hello, or a handshake.

The reason why we don’t like chatting is actually because we are not good at it and we are afraid that others will show their stupidity. So, the author suggests that we change this situation from a "hello" and convince ourselves to try it.

Choose some public topics

If you say hello, it will be a cold show, which will make the finally broken ice return to the starting point instantly. So what should I say? The author lists some relatively neutral topics such as weather, feeding ducks (or pet-related), basketball games, popular restaurants, favorite bands, etc.

The author even gave a small trick, such as "opening up the situation" from the appearance of clothing. For example, when a girl with earrings sways and meets you in a variety of ways, you can quietly tell her: the earrings are so beautiful!

The advantage of doing this is that when you don’t know the other party and don’t know the other party’s preferences, such topics are not easy to touch, so you will not leave a very bad impression on the other party, and you will have the possibility of continuing to talk.

Yes, when you trust each other, what else can you talk about?

Make you more attractive

I once saw a boy with an ordinary appearance on the subway. He would chat with his girlfriend next to him seriously, listen to every word she said seriously, and think carefully to respond. I instantly felt that such a boy was so charming. It is more attractive than a handsome boy with expressionless face or a cold and ruthless appearance.

Here, the author also gave the following point of view:

Whether it is a boy or a girl, the easiest way to show your charm is to focus and appreciate, so that the other person feels warm and even flattered.

So, we can also summarize that for people who are very important, we are always so nervous that we cannot face each other. However, in fact, the better way to leave a good impression on the other person is to appreciate the person you talk to and encourage them to open up to you.

The secret of public speech

For public speech, that is, express your opinions or share your own stories in front of many people. This is a very scary thing for many people. Including myself, but this book gave me a little inspiration. The author repeatedly emphasized:

understands the interests and needs of the audience, and what they want to hear the most.

Recalling when we are called to express our opinions or opinions (people who are not good at speaking are forced to speak most of the time), we often stand up and our minds are blank.

Actually, I have asked people who are good at speaking. They are not all unhappy, and almost every time they speak, they feel as nervous as we do. Just the experience of fully preparing and speaking multiple times makes them look more calm.

. For those who think they are not good at public speeches, the first step to fully prepare is probably to think clearly about the needs of the audience. Just like the performance appraisal speech at the end of the year, excluding our inner disconfidence, what the leaders and examiners on the other side want to know most is of course what achievements we have made this year and what benefits we have brought to the department or company.

So after figuring out this logic, what we want to talk about will revolve around this topic, and there is nothing to be embarrassed about here.

If we need to share a skill or experience with others, then what the audience wants to listen to is a sharing that can help and effectively. If we want our speech to be successful, of course we must consider what kind of content the audience wants to hear, what needs they have, what confusion they will have, and how they can help them. The speech prepared in this way is not only what I am looking forward to, but also what the audience may expect.

In short, the author believes that chatting can understand the other party in the conversation, which is also the ultimate purpose of communication. Learning to chat is the best way to cure social fears.What I can think of is looking for topics with the warmth of kindness.

There are some other techniques in the article about how to introduce yourself and others, how to chat with multiple people, and how to leave gracefully. You can read it.

There is a saying that is very touching. This is a sentence that makes people want to chat:

Everyone you meet knows something you don’t know.