Reader asked: Hello General, 35 years old, female, boyfriend is the same age as she has been dating for a month and a half. My colleague accidentally learned that a classmate of him and I was born on the same day of the same year, month and day. He thought it was very coincidental, and he thought that we were both single, so he introduced us to each other.
We made an appointment for dinner the next day we met. I don’t know if it was because we were born on the same day of the same year, month and day, but we got along well at first sight. He confessed his love a week later, and I agreed.
But our understanding of each other actually only increased after we fell in love. I learned that he had a girlfriend who had been dating for 4 years and had broken up less than half a year. The reason was that the marriage issue was not reached, and the woman's family spoke out loudly (we may not encounter this problem, both of us have their own houses and no loans).
I haven’t been in love for 5 years. After half a year of last relationship, the other party became cold and I mentioned the score.
When we are 35 years old, we will definitely go to get married. I also want to get married, but on the anniversary of our one-month date, my boyfriend suggested that we would like to meet parents during the Spring Festival to decide the marriage and get the marriage certificate next year at 520. We also plan to choose to hold the wedding on our birthday.
boyfriend planned very well, and we have a good relationship now. I was surprised at the time, but I agreed.
But calm down and think about it, do I think it's too fast? After all, it has been less than 2 months since we met our parents during the Spring Festival. Although he wanted to get married was a responsible sign and we are not young anymore, I always feel a little uneasy.
I don’t know if my boyfriend fell in love with me just to get married quickly, and he confessed his love so quickly. I don’t know how to judge now. Although I am not young, I don’t want to get married hastily. General, please advise.
General · Answer
I have a senior sister who got her marriage certificate less than three months after she was in love (she was less than 30 years old at the time), commonly known as "flash marriage", and now she is very happy. But I had the same style as you at that time, was it too fast?
Fast and slow are indeed relative speed. If the senior sister doesn’t think it’s fast, it’s not fast. Some people may get married for three or five years before they get married. If they don’t think it’s slow, it’s not slow.
So you don’t have to ask me if it’s too fast, please refer to your own feelings. If you think it’s fast, it means that at least your current relationship concentration and your relationship status do not match the time rhythm of this marriage plan.
If you say you are uneasy, then please face up to your uneasy. There is no need to use theories and so-called facts to convince yourself that you don’t have to be uneasy. The emergence of any emotion is a signal, reminding us that something may be wrong.
I am not saying that "wrong" must be the "problem" in the other party. He may indeed be with you just to get married quickly.
"What's wrong" may also be a "problem" in you. For example, your inner evaluation and expectations of this relationship have not yet reached the point where the dust is settled, and you still need time to explore and judge. Don’t be "led by the other party"; you must respect your own rhythm.
Although you agreed to his plan, you also have the right to change at any time. This is not a "broken of trust". Falling in love and getting married is about watching while walking, not to mention that you have been together so shortly.
Next you can "invest" from these two aspects:
First, he said a clear time point, But does he have a clear plan for marriage and post-marriage? For example, how did he plan for housing and fertility issues that cannot be avoided?
A person who gets married just for the sake of marriage only starts from his own interests. Then in his plan, he may only consider it for himself. For example, you both have their own houses, who do you live in if you get married? Or should I buy another set together? Talking about related topics can help you judge his purpose.
Second, in addition to topics and activities related to marriage and the future, what do you usually talk about? How do he treat you in your daily relationship?
If a person is with you just for marriage, then it is very likely that all his topics and actions revolve around being able to marry you. He only cares about the results, but may not care much about your present, you, and is not very involved in the process of love.
For example, will he pay attention to your preferences, your food taboos, your living habits, etc., do you take it to heart? Did he take care of your daily dates? Will there be some gestures and gifts to express your feelings?
A person really likes you, and will want to participate in all aspects of your life, and will also manage the love process well, because he also enjoys this process and not only cares about the results.
As for meeting parents, if you can date until the Spring Festival smoothly, I suggest seeing you early, not to get married as soon as possible, but it is necessary to understand the attitude of the other party’s family and parents as soon as possible.
Old readers should have seen how many breakups are in the "General Knows" column because the two parents disagree or have problems with their parents' concepts. So meet up early and understand in advance, which can avoid investing too much sunk costs.
In fact, by the age of 35, even if you don’t have rich experience in love, you have accumulated a certain amount of accumulation in the workplace and interpersonal relationships. Your feelings and intuition are "weapons" generated by past experiences that can protect you or remind you whether you are facing danger or happiness. So please believe in your feelings and that you always have the right to refuse. #Marriage# #Blind date# #Psychology#
General Guo, Master of Psychology of Beijing Normal University, National Secondary Psychological Counselor , Han Han [ONE] Popular author, author of the book works "You Are Still a Stranger to Yourself" and "The World Who Popularly Heals and I Love You".
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