Danshan Ya also wrote in "Mother-in-law's Plan to Deal with Daughter-in-law": "If anyone can come up with a wonderful solution to the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, he should be awarded Nobel Prize ."
From ancient times to the present, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has been a big problem. It is human nature to consider the problem from your own perspective, take your own interests first, and not take other people's feelings and interests seriously.
The reason why the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is difficult to deal with is largely because mother-in-law, daughter-in-law and man do not know how to think from the perspective of others.
If the mother-in-law thinks from the perspective of her daughter-in-law, she should understand how difficult it is for a newly married woman. She should be considerate of her daughter-in-law and give her a certain amount of space to help her in the face of her difficulties.
If the daughter-in-law knows how to think from the perspective of others, she should understand that the mother-in-law cannot adapt to the lonely life at once. The older she is, the more she desires to get attention and filial piety from her younger generations. Be polite, be filial to those who should be filial, and be sweet to those who should be sweet to them.
As for men, whenever he can tell, try to reconcile, he persuades his mother and wife to speak in time when he does too much, so that the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will not be too irritated.
Host Meng Fei once said in the program: Two points should be maintained when dealing with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. The first point is that those who are elders should know how to keep a distance; the second point is that those who are younger generations should always be polite.
No matter how good the parents-in-law is, they will feel disappointed and unwilling to help if they don’t know how to be grateful, only know how to ask for, and need to use it.
"Mom, I will have a baby in another month. If you don't serve you this confinement period, who will serve you? If you don't take care of your child, who will take care of you? This is your biological grandchildren! Don't worry, as long as you help, I will definitely respect you in the future."
"Does, there is no need to talk about retirement, nor do I have to promise. Now, I no longer believe it. It's not that I don't believe you, but that I don't even believe my son."
01.
When I heard Aunt Cai's words, my son and daughter-in-law felt very embarrassed. The son hurriedly explained, thinking that Aunt Cai's words hurt people.
"Helpful? Do you have a heart? Your mom, my heart has been hurt by you for a long time, do you know?" Aunt Cai retorted mercilessly, and then gave some examples of what she had experienced in taking care of her son and daughter-in-law for four years.
4 years ago, the daughter-in-law gave birth to her first child, a boy. Long before she gave birth, Aunt Cai took the killed old hen, a basket of eggs and more than a dozen wild crucian carp to the city, preparing to serve her daughter-in-law during confinement.
"I'm going to serve you, I'm going to help take care of my grandson, not my mother! Your mother comes to see you, , and takes care of you, and I'm worried that you won't do well in confinement. If she helps her, I'm thanking her, but your mother is fine. She doesn't help or work. She's just teasing her grandson, but she's just asking me to cook for her. After eating, she throws her chopsticks and goes to play with her mobile phone. She always dislikes me for my poor cooking skills. I'm not good at cooking, what do you eat? Why are you urging me to cook? I'm your mother-in-law, an elder, not a free nanny for you and your mother."
"I'm going to take care of my baby, I didn't want a penny, that's my grandson. I'm my grandson. I'm your mother-in-law, an elder, not a free nanny for you and your mother."
"I'm going to take care of my baby, I didn't ask for a penny, that's my grandson. , I can take care of you. But that is also the child of you couple. Raising children is the obligation of parents! You two don’t pay a penny, first let me spend more than 3,000 pension, then give me money, and complain that I spend money randomly. I was the one who spent money randomly, or you two who bought a bunch of express delivery and charged a lot of game coins? "
" I have taken my grandson for 4 years, and I have worked hard without credit! The child is grown up and I think I am useless and ask me to leave. Can you be more polite? It takes a lot of trouble and say that I will divorce if I don’t leave. I will take my grandson away from me? "
Hearing Aunt Cai’s scolding and asking questions, the daughter-in-law was speechless, and her son lowered his head and didn’t speak, and was silent for a long time.
02.
Aunt Cai saw it very clearly. The daughter-in-law hit her son with her arm and asked her to explain. As soon as her son spoke, Aunt Cai interrupted.
"To be honest, what I am most unhappy about is not your wife's attitude. I am not her biological mother. She is not my biological mother. She is not caring and understanding me. I can understand. What really makes me feel heartbroken is you. I have raised a baby son for more than 20 years."
Aunt Cai felt uncomfortable and had a headache. It was difficult for her daughter-in-law to call her son, wanting her son to do some housework. However, her son either pretended to be deaf and dumb, continued to play games, or complained that Aunt Cai had a lot of things and was not considerate of him. He said that he had been working for a day and was very hard.
When Aunt Cai was called by her daughter-in-law and her mother as a free nanny, she was crying and asked her to use her pension to support her family first, I hope that her son would understand her mother and would say a word or two for her mother. However, the son either echoed her daughter-in-law or continued to pretend to be deaf and dumb.
"On the day I left, I kept watching you. I never thought of asking you to convince your wife. As long as you say something to keep me, I feel better. You don't have to take me to send you off. I asked me to take the subway and take the train back to my hometown alone."
Aunt Cai has been back to her hometown for more than a year, and she hasn't seen her son and daughter-in-law for more than a year. Whether it was the National Day last year, the Spring Festival and National Day this year, or the 60th birthday of Aunt Cai's wife, they have not come back. In the past year, Aunt Cai has received their calls at most dozen times.
03.
"I don't blame you, I'll blame myself! I didn't act like a mother well!" Aunt Cai sighed, not wanting to pay attention to them.
However, the son and daughter-in-law beg and cried about their difficulties, apologized to Aunt Cai, and promised to repent, only asking Aunt Cai to help them for their grandson's sake.
"Mom, my wife can't resign! If she resigns, your son's salary is less than 8,000 yuan. How can he support his family after paying the mortgage?"
"I am really useless, but I'm still soft-hearted. Indeed, if I don't go, it will be difficult for them to handle it. My mother-in-law is not a caregiver and refuses at all. If the daughter-in-law resigns and becomes a full-time wife, the pressure on her son and grandson will be very high. Oh, I'm just working hard!"
The daughter-in-law requests to take care of her two children, and Aunt Cai proposes three rules: "Four years of taking care of the baby, paying money and effort, Enough, you must agree to my three conditions, otherwise you can find a way! First, this time, if your mother comes back, she must work, not talk about anything else, cook the food by herself, I only care about pregnant women and children, no matter her, I am not her free nanny. Second, I only care about grandchildren, no matter you couple, that is, you should do the housework by yourself, don’t count on me. Third, I only work hard to show you the children and let you go out to work, no money, I will spend my pension by myself, save myself, you have to give me the money."
The son and daughter-in-law agreed and helped Aunt Cai pack their luggage, and Aunt Cai followed them to the city.
04.
There is a sentence in the movie "Blacklist": "Why do others dare to do bad things on you? It is because you make people feel that doing bad things on you can not pay any price."
As parents, you also need to have a bottom line. You cannot respond to your children's requests. Otherwise, if you spoil your children, they will not understand your difficulties at all and will not know how to be grateful. When you need you, helping them is called duty. If you don't help, it means you are not worthy of being a parent, and they will only resent you.
When you don’t need you, they abandon you and are confident, asking you to give them freedom, asking you to let go, and accuse you of not considering your children and grandchildren.
As a parent, you must have a temper and you cannot spoil your children too much. At the same time, you must have a bottom line in your efforts. Otherwise, if you spoil your children, your life in your later years will be lost.
END.
Today's topic: Do you have any good suggestions for Aunt Cai? Welcome to share your views in the comment section.
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