Failed marriages are often after having children. Some people can survive the seven-year itch, while others can’t survive it and become losers. If you can't stand it, you can't build a good family system . If the couple has a bad relationship, they will not be able to give their children a good original family. During the process of their children's growth, it takes a lot of effort and a lot of luck to resolve the harm brought to them by the original family.
self-reporter
▸I am 31 years old this year, I have been married for 7 years, and my son is about to be 6 years old. We have experienced the sweetness of love in the world of two people, and have experienced major quarrels, breakups, and opposition from our family. We also have the idea of hating each other countless times. The most difficult thing is that in the first year after giving birth, the original couple added children, from a relationship of 2 to a relationship of 3. I wonder if he is not adapting, or is lazy and unresponsible? When you are busy with your child, he always does what he should do; the child cries in the middle of the night, but he still sleeps for granted and snores like thunder; he hasn't seen the child for a month on a business trip, and on the first night he comes back, he wants to carry the child to his mother-in-law to sleep. I regard the child as my life and cannot live without the child for a second, but he doesn't feel that he loves the child at all. I even think he is more like a stepfather in the child, or he doesn't love me at all, so he just wants half-body behavior when getting married, and more often he thinks that he has married the wrong person.
Now that the child is older, I go out to work and meet some married female colleagues. When I have nothing to do, I listen to them talk about my husband or mother-in-law. After talking, I found that the world is as dark as crows, and occasionally there is a better color. So I started to slowly enlighten myself that I had not married the wrong person, and began to shift my focus of treating my children as my life to work.
Slowly, as time goes by, my husband seems to have become more mature and transformed. He began to have feelings for his children. After work, he would ask, "Where is my son?" and play with him. But I still have a lot of thoughts on me, and I still love me a little more than I love my children. Maybe I can't feel his special love for my children! Or maybe I don’t really understand the love between men. Or maybe he has not experienced ten months of pregnancy and it is difficult for him to understand the responsibility and dependence of his mother on his children. His feelings for his children were cultivated in the process of accompanying them! I began to let my husband take care of the children by himself, and did not blame him by the side, and gave himself a holiday. I found that he could play happily with the children and do some housework. I would also explain to my husband directly, such as how to take the baby to take a bath and how to wash dishes. But men's brain circuit is really different from that of us women. It's like eyelid ointment. If you squeeze a little bit, you never take the initiative to realize it. If you do your work, you will still show off in front of me. Is it a reward for your credit? Seeing him like this, I really want to complain about "It's so childish", but in fact I said "You are so great" and praised him, and his little "vanity" was full of excitement.
Looking back on the past, I have fought many times for those trivial matters, never hugging children, making milk powder, changing diapers, etc. In the past, he said he would not know how to do it, but later he learned to do it. Although he did not do it perfectly, at least he learned a lot and made a lot of progress, and I was also much more relaxed. I began to talk to him well, chat, understand each other, cooperate with each other, and watch the children grow day by day, which actually makes our husband and wife's relationship stronger and sweeter. I actually miss him when he is on a business trip. Thinking about the time I had just given birth, I really didn't want to see him. I got angry when I saw him and couldn't do anything. I once suspected that I had married the wrong person, and even thought about divorce countless times in my heart, but every time I gave up this idea for the sake of young children.
In the course of this 7 years, I have seen my husband’s father’s side, and the dedicated side of his hard work and taking care of his family. He now also sees my hard work and realizes the responsibility of being a father and husband. A good husband-wife relationship, children are not obstacles, but icing on the cake.Only when parents love each other can children feel safe enough, grow up in a loving environment, learn how to love themselves, love their family, and feel safe inside when they grow up.
Momo yearns for beauty~~~ Please pay attention to
Time has not been long. I hope you can never meet in my words too late. I hope you can be an angel and help that lost her. Welcome to leave a message in the comment area to give your comments or like and support, thank you!
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