1
I am crispy.
There are many choices in life, it is really too difficult.
Yesterday, I found a video.
Ms. Li from Henan bought a house in the city. In order to allow her 87-year-old grandmother to enjoy her happiness, she brought her to her side.
But I never expected that grandma was "unlike two people" before and after entering the city.
When I was in the countryside, my 87-year-old grandma was lively and could ride a tricycle around.
But when she arrived in the city, she fell into a state of mental collapse.
everything is cramped and unwilling to go downstairs. She is listless all day long, saying that her waist is sore and her legs are hurting. She seals herself up and talks about going home all day long.
Ms. Li doesn’t know what to do.
Grandma is old and dare not let her live alone in the countryside. But grandma really couldn't get used to the life in the city.
In the end, she could only send her back to her hometown temporarily according to the old man's wishes and go back to see her more often.
This choice is sad, but I can't find the answer to both sides.
used to say, "Parents are not traveling far away", but now it is "the children are wherever they are."
For children, more and more elderly people are drifting.
But today I read this story and I searched for the answer again.
We have always been on the standpoint of our children and feel that we can only feel at ease by bringing our parents around us.
I think they will like us, like life in big cities, or be able to adapt quickly.
But now, we may often ignore the truest feelings of our parents.
The elderly who are far away from their hometowns and are taken to live in big cities, if any, choose.
Are they really willing to come?
are they really happy?
2
On the weekend, I chatted with a friend, and he also sent his parents home.
He is the first college student in the village. Everyone is telling him: Study hard, make a name for yourself, take your parents to live in big cities, and enjoy your happiness.
He did do it, worked very hard, bought a house in a big city, fulfilled his original promise, and took his parents over.
But just one month later, my parents were trying to go home.
Because they have never walked out of the countryside in their entire lives, they can't adapt to urban life at all.
In their hometown, they live in a bungalow, which is very down-to-earth and has a casual life.
Now they live in high-end residences on the 21st floor, and garbage must be sorted and access control must be taken. They didn't even dare to approach the floor-to-ceiling windows, feeling that they were about to faint at any time.
In their hometown, their entire village is almost the same clan. When you go out, you will be acquaintances. You will go to the fields and chat together. Your living habits and thinking concepts are similar, and you will feel comfortable and comfortable.
But now, they sit at home every day.
door is closed, and no one knows whether the neighbor is a man or a woman.
Furniture TVs are all smart, they don’t recognize words and are afraid of breaking them.
dare not go out to play because there are many cars in big cities, they can’t take subways, they can’t figure out the bus routes, and they can’t use navigation. They are afraid that they can’t find their home.
At most, they would go downstairs to take a walk, but they still couldn't find anyone to talk.
Although there are many elderly people in the community, they have different ideas and concepts. Occasionally, they will not speak , Mandarin , and others cannot understand the dialect, so gradually they will stop talking.
Every day's life is to see each other between husband and wife, and then wait for their son to go home.
But he is too busy with work. I go out early and come back late, and often I work overtime until late at night, and I can't accompany them at all.
He once thought that taking over his parents would be better able to accompany them.
But in the end, my parents left the familiar environment and moved here, as if they were just here to be a nanny for him.
They only know their son, but their son is not around during the day. This is more lonely and helpless than being separated from each other.
Finally, under the insistence of the elderly, he sent his parents home.
He could feel that his parents' steps into the village were light.
That is their familiar environment, familiar relatives and friends, and familiar life. The moment the door was opened, the father's murmuring "It's still comfortable at home" pierced his heart.
He seemed to suddenly understand the sentence of Sa Beining :
Don't take your parents to your side easily, that may be another kind of unfilial piety.
It seems that this is true.
Young people like the prosperity of big cities and can quickly adapt to the operation mode of big cities.
So everyone assumes that parents will be like us, and will soon be able to adapt to a new life, have a new circle, and discover new fun.
We all naively thought that taking their parents over and letting them live a better life in big cities, and their children are by their side, so what else is there to be unhappy for their parents?
But later I realized that our self-confidence is just to fulfill our peace of mind.
The older you are, the more you will feel at ease in the environment you are familiar with.
They leave the familiar environment, give up their habitual life for their children, and stay away from old friends and relatives, but these are precisely these that can bring them a sense of security the most.
The convenience and beauty of big cities that young people think will only make them feel out of place with the city.
But they won’t say it, they will only endure loneliness by themselves, and they will also make you feel at ease.
3
Earlier I watched a documentary about an aunt who drifted from Shandong to Guangzhou for 5 years in order to take care of her grandson.
Get up early and go to bed late every day to cook and clean, help take care of the children, like a nanny.
These "works" may be used to her.
But even after she stayed in Guangzhou for 5 years and her children and grandchildren are around her, she still has no sense of belonging.
My husband stayed in Shandong because his parents still have to take care of him.
My colleagues and friends who were once familiar with were also in their hometowns and were almost disconnected.
My daughter is too busy with work and has no time to accompany her.
The grandson whom he cared for every day also has no common language with himself.
Obviously surrounded by relatives, but I feel alone in this city.
It makes people feel sad when you look at it. This may be the norm for the old migrants.
I have seen a set of data: National Health Commission Data released in 2018 shows that there are nearly 18 million elderly people in my country, and , and the proportion of these people who come to take care of their younger generations is as high as 43%.
Many children feel that they are taking the elderly to their side because they are filial to them, but in fact, it is clearly because their parents are giving more.
I once chatted with the elderly in the community and found that the reasons for their moving here were related to the children.
In order to be closer to the child, to take care of the child's daily life, to help the child take care of the child, and to avoid worrying the child...
But I asked them that they prefer the life there, and their answers are mostly: or are comfortable and comfortable in their hometown.
But they still came, which may be the biggest feature of Chinese-style parents: they live for their children all their lives and strive not to cause trouble for their children.
Chinese-style parents are always too "sensible".
is so sensible that everything is just for the child, he works diligently and can't say anything.
We are greedy for their efforts, but we are unable to truly get closer to their hearts.
They may also want to live comfortably and comfortably for themselves.
4
The two words "filial piety" are separated, and they are "filial piety" and "solution".
Later I felt that true filial piety is not just to fulfill one's own filial piety, but also to make parents live a smooth life.
Of course, you can bring them to your side, but only if they want to come, but only if you have the time and energy to accompany them, take care of them, and pay attention to their emotional needs.
If they don’t want to come, or you have no time to pay attention to their lives, it’s better to let them continue to stay in the circle they are familiar with and like and go back and take a look.
filial piety, there is no fixed pattern.
The best relationship between parents and children is not infinite bondage, but mutual respect.
Respect the other party’s choice and fulfill the other party’s preferences. This may be the fulfillment of love.
, no matter how you choose, the rest is to accompany you more.
We always think that creating favorable material conditions for parents is love, but we don’t know that what we need most when we are old is actually companionship.
may just go home for a few more meals, chat with them more homework, and accompany them for a walk.
Even if they listen to their nagging, they think this is the taste of happiness.
We and our parents will eventually get farther and farther away.
So we should cherish every time we accompany each other.
They raised us to grow up, so let us accompany them to their old age.
multi-point considerate and inclusive.
The best love is to fulfill and respect.
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Hello everyone, I am a crispy dad, a new dad, an executive of a startup company. I have been to many cities and have practiced stalls on the roadside. Now I just want to say the most truthful things to you, continue to grow and improve.
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