The reader wrote to me and said:
I am 28 years old this year. A month ago, when I was chatting at a friend’s house, I met a handsome 24-year-old man. He then expressed his love for me: I want to fall in love with me. I didn't want him to feel frustrated, so I said to him tactfully: We are 4 years apart, and we may not be suitable. He: If you don’t try it, how do you know if we are not suitable for us to be together?
After that, he will pick me up from get off work on weekdays and take me to eat some delicious food he thinks. At the consumption level, I will basically rush to pay. During this period, he said to me countless times: I really love you.
I know that it is not the same thing to drag on like this, so I asked him a few more serious questions: 1) Me: Do you really love me? He: Do I still have to doubt my love for you? 2) I am already 28 years old and I really want to get married now. Are you willing to marry me? He didn't say anything, and after that, we stopped contacting each other.
Maybe he likes me, but for me, at least I can't afford to fall in love with someone who doesn't put their marriage plan into their short-term life plan.
My evaluation of myself: Although it is not particularly beautiful, it is definitely not an ugly woman; although my family background is reasonable, I can also stand alone in my career; my age is there, so that most of the boys who pursue me are divorced men, and I have no marriage history and will be more or less unwilling to accept it.
The reason why I was left behind is two reasons: 1) I was 25 years old after graduating from graduate school; 2) During my school days, I was so focused on my studies that I was unwilling to come into contact with love. After joining work, I met a boy with similar conditions to me. We were in love for more than a year. At the critical moment of discussing the marriage, I found that he cheated (the other party and he were colleagues and a woman with a family). After some struggle, I rationally pulled away from this relationship.
Although my emotional experience is not very smooth and not rich, I still believe in the beauty of love and hope to meet the right person in the near future.
Muzili Emotional analysis:
18 years old, a boy's favorite love partner: tall and beautiful face, rather than lacking than being too much; at the age of 28, a boy's favorite love partner: a woman, willing to accept me. I have heard such a sad but down-to-earth sentence: If I were in my early twenties now, I could play with you for a few years, but I am in my thirties now, and I can’t afford to play anymore. Perhaps, as you get older, your expectations for your marriage will be more down-to-earth, not just limited to liking. Obviously, the boy who wants to date you, at least under the current state, does not "marry" in his life plan, so you may be really not suitable because you don't have much time to wait for his sensibility and maturity.
In some people's mouths, "I love you" is actually very cheap. You can tell you or to many people. Many times, I especially admire those who do not say "I love you" easily, but once they say it, it is a lifelong commitment. Compared to those who value responsibilities and obligations, aren’t those who only use sweet words to make you happy a little frivolous? But many little girls like to be "frivolous". Of course, when these little girls gradually mature, their views on marriage and love will change quietly, such as you. Knowing what you need and working in the direction you want, I believe that you will definitely meet the person who holds hands and gets married. The premise for two people to fall in love is not only mutual attraction at the appearance or personality level, but also the idea of getting married.
Marriage is a relatively complex composition. Don’t just focus on one of the other’s strengths, but consider in all aspects whether it is appropriate for two people to be together. Regarding the preference for marriage partner, several more important indicators include:
1) the other party’s ability to make money. Because many people grow up in ordinary families, things that everyone needs to admit when choosing a marriage partner. For ordinary families, 80% of the conflicts between husband and wife are related to money. You should know that the food, food, oil and salt in life require money to support you.It is allowed to be short of money when two people first know each other. At least in the process of getting to know each other, if you see the potential of being lazy and lazy in him, you need to rationally withdraw from this relationship. You know, it is very dangerous to sit and eat the whole country. Never think that your love can hedge against the torment of poverty. Once your life is frugal and in a difficult situation for a long time, you will become impetuous, especially when you are in a state of supporting him.
2) The other party’s ability to manage houses. If in a relationship, your partner is temporarily unemployed or lazy, and stays at home. At this time, you definitely hope that he can organize his home in an orderly manner. If you have to work for a day, you will naturally be mentally unbalanced. If both of you have a job, you should form a good partner at the level of housework after work. Never bring your habit of being spoiled by your parents to your marriage life. Learning to do housework is also a more important part of your marriage life. In fact, there are no housework that I can’t learn, only people who like to be lazy. To this end, when doing housework, don’t be pretentious or macho.
3) The other party’s dietary habits. Most people will not have any food ban on diet, but there will be many differences in taste, which may not be able to eat one piece for two people. Common dietary confusion: It will be embarrassing to eat with people who don’t eat spicy food; some people like to eat coarse grains, porridge, and pasta, while some people only like to eat rice (mainly reflected in the dietary level of the north and south); it will be embarrassing to eat with people who like to eat meat. Don’t think that eating habits are different. You should know that eating is something that is repeated every day. If two people really can’t eat together, they will quietly accumulate too much disappointment.
4) The other person’s lifestyle. A person's lifestyle has a lot to do with his or her growth experience, and he or she also has his or her own ways and methods in dealing with people and things. Sometimes, he will feel that the way he does things is routine, but it will seem a little awkward to you. The key is that when you correct his living habits, the effect will be produced: he thinks you are too picky and you think you are too wronged. Remember, it is not necessary for two people to be together to be together because they have obvious bad habits, nor because they are fickle, but because they are difficult to find resonance points in every aspect of life, so that when two people are running this relationship, they will feel particularly awkward.
Postscript:
needs to be admitted that it is impossible for two people to be together to be happy, and naturally they will encounter some things that make them feel awkward. When you are feeling a little depressed, don’t immerse yourself in your emotions, but analyze more rationally whether it is appropriate for you to hold feelings. If the other party has many points that you cannot agree with, don’t let yourself continue to feel wronged in this relationship just because a small number of the other party’s advantages attract you.
The truth of love we must remember: two people were able to see each other because their strengths attracted each other, but whether this relationship can last depends on how much you accept the other person’s shortcomings. You should know that everyone's existence is not perfect. During the period, the two of them will feel comfortable most of the time they are together. This is the state of love. If a relationship always makes you depressed, depressed, and unable to see hope, then leave as soon as possible.
(The picture is from the Internet, the picture is irrelevant)
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