The reader wrote to me:
My husband and I are in love and get married freely, and my husband pursues me actively. We met at a dinner organized by a friend. When he asked me for my contact information, I did not refuse. My husband gave me the first impression: I was dressed well and was a handsome guy. I didn’t think we would have a follow-up development. Unexpectedly, the day after my friend's dinner, my husband asked me to have a meal. I happened to have nothing important to do at that time, so I went to the appointment. The key point is that he is handsome. After a while, we got along and established a romantic relationship.
What I learned during my dating with my husband: my husband is from a good family and has a decent job. To be honest, after understanding my husband's basic situation, I feel inferior because I look mediocre, have an average family background and an average work. I don't know why my husband likes me either. My husband’s explanation of this: Who can explain the gaze clearly? Now, my husband and I have been married for 5 years, and my husband is as kind to me as ever. During this period, some young ladies asked for my husband's contact information, and the husband wiped them out with just one sentence: Sorry, the one in the family is strictly controlled (in fact, over the years of marriage, I have always taken a free-range and absolute trust towards my husband). In life, I will also encounter such embarrassment: Your husband is so handsome and his family is so good. How did you catch him? Faced with such doubts, my inner truth is: nothing to do with you and it’s so happy.
Before I met my husband, my criterion for choosing a spouse: the other party can be unscrupulous, and the other party’s family background can be average, but the other party must ensure loyalty to the relationship. Maybe I was a little unconfident before and pretended to be repulsive to handsome guys. After being with my husband for years, he has given me a sense of security with practical actions and has also made me more confident in my marriage life.
After years of being with your husband, my summary of the management of marriage: 1) The person who holds hands with you must be the one you particularly like; 2) The other party must have a strong character; 3) In this relationship, you must have a sense of giving; 4) You can occasionally have disputes with your lover over trivial matters, but try not to turn over old accounts; 5) The most important point is that when you make the part you should do, it is also very important whether your lover can present a qualified state in your marriage life.
Muzili Emotional analysis:
I have a friend who belongs to "skinny beauty". There are also many handsome guys who pursue her under the public aesthetics, but she finally married a strong boy. In the eyes of my friend, her husband is a very handsome man. Her husband may not meet the aesthetic standards of many people, but it meets her aesthetic standards. Love sometimes depends on the fate. Because everyone has different aesthetics, different chemical reactions will occur when choosing a marriage partner. Obviously, your husband appreciates your love and your husband's thoughts are more traditional. Especially after marrying you, your husband has fulfilled the uniqueness of love and loyalty to marriage well. Regarding husband and wife, as long as they love each other, many conflicts and misunderstandings will become a big deal. You are your husband's gods, please continue your happy life.
In the process of managing a marriage, there are actually not many rules and regulations. Everyone just needs to master the big basic framework: 1) At any time, try not to become a burden to your lover; 2) At any time, don’t do anything to betray your marriage; 3) Be a reasonable and caring person, not only to your lover, but also to his family; 4) More recognition and less denial of your lover. When you make yourself in a relatively reliable state in front of your lover, if your lover can also give you feedback in the same state, your marriage life will naturally develop in the direction of happiness. Those unhappy marriages are often because of the lack of feelings and betrayal of marriage.
Marriage life must be the product of mutual cooperation, and one person’s efforts cannot support the romance of two people at all.When you feel unhappy in your marriage life, you need to reflect on yourself: 1) What you have paid for your lover; 2) If your lover also manages your marriage in the way you treat him, are you satisfied? If you have a feeling of giving and self-reflection in your marriage life, you still feel that your marriage life is unhappy, and the reason for your unhappy marriage must be that your lover's attitude of running the marriage is inappropriate. At this time, you can discuss your dissatisfaction with your lover in your marriage life. If your lover can make fine adjustments, it is of course excellent. If you still do your own thing after you correct your lover's daily behavior, you need to ask yourself: Do you need to continue this relationship? If you want to continue, please try to be generous, or get disappointed and leave.
needs to be admitted because of gender differences and different growth environments, there will be friction between husband and wife in some things, but everyone also needs to understand: husband and wife should have the minimum cohesion and responsibility. We must not show high requirements for our lovers and low standards for ourselves in the process of running a marriage. Once the couple has an imbalance in terms of giving, this relationship will be difficult to maintain. To this end, when people choose their marriage partners, they need to master three principles: 1) They have a stronger magnetic field of love; 2) They have a relatively unified view of each other; 3) They can ensure loyalty to marriage and have a passion for their family.
Regarding marriage, the reality that needs to be recognized: choice is more important than effort (not that effort is not important). Many people at the age of marriage have this idea: if you can find someone who is willing to start a family with them, don’t be too picky. In fact, marriage life is not that simple. The safest way to do it: find someone who is of equal status. At least in the process of managing a marriage, both parties can understand each other's situation and thoughts, making it easier for the two people to date. During this period, the other party’s character, the other party’s parents’ feelings, and the other party’s way of doing things are factors that you cannot ignore. If you find that there are many inappropriate things between each other during your relationship, please decisively withdraw from this relationship.
When people face love, they often have such luck: 1) They like to go to the extremes of being obsessed with the other person's appearance or family background. Even if the other person has many shortcomings, they feel that as the progress of their marriage life and age, the other person will change their bad habits; 2) The truth of their marriage life is feedback to you that a person's way of doing things is too difficult to change, so that the other person's feedback on the trivial matters of life often makes you feel that you are angry and feel particularly frustrated in this relationship. Although it is difficult to find a lover who is 100%, at least the three views of the two people should tend to be consistent. Otherwise, it would be too frustrating for two people to live together for a lifetime.
Postscript:
In this life, all behaviors are provided by our own thoughts and awareness, so that we will have this feeling in life: when we get along with some people, we will be very relaxed, and when we get along with some people, we will be very tired. Sometimes it is not because you did something wrong, nor because the other party did something wrong, but because both parties are not on the same channel at all in the cognitive level of many things. Similar to feelings, you should rationally choose to stay away from them.
Many people, after establishing a romantic relationship, are obviously unhappy in this relationship, but when they decide to break up, they always drag their hands on the mud and get the result of marriage in a daze. What I want to say is that even if we get married, there will be too many quarrels between us. This leads to my frequent sighing: Marriage life is very tiring. What I want to say is that I feel tired during the relationship, so why should I obsessed with exchanging this relationship for the result of marriage? All your entanglements are what you deserve when you failed to break up decisively.
(The picture is from the Internet, the picture is irrelevant)
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