No money or energy to attend weddings and other banquets has become a reason why many young people refuse to return to their hometowns during the National Day. In fact, it is not because young people are unfair to the reality, but because some people's relationships are burdens, and the pressure on young people is really breathless.
In " Golden Years ", there is a line: "People interact with each other often, and people are the most tiring, because they can't figure it out clearly, and there will be unexpected troubles."
You think you have done a good job and have a clear conscience. The other party should be grateful to you, but the other party is different from your coordinate system. You have your own ideas and your own algorithm. Maybe, in his algorithm, you have problems, and you have done something wrong, which makes him unhappy.
Even if he doesn’t say it, dissatisfaction will accumulate in his heart, seriously affecting your relationship.
As the Japanese writer Dazai Osamu wrote in the novel " Human Disqualification ": "My misfortune lies precisely in my lack of the ability to refuse. I am afraid that once I reject others, it will leave a crack in each other's hearts that will never heal."
If you don't know how to refuse, and you will respond to your requests, it may make people feel that you are easy to grasp and speak, and you will have no scruples when making requests. When his desires expand and he gets used to asking for you, you can't bear it anymore. When you refuse again, he will not only not understand the hope, but will hate you even more.
instead of paying too much, earning very little, and even causing trouble, it is better to have your own bottom line from the beginning, know how to refuse, and block those troubles that you originally avoided.
More importantly, if you get married and have a family, you must have a sense of family responsibility and understand that your interests are also the common interests of the couple, and you must take into account the feelings of your partner, otherwise, you will easily have conflicts with your partner.
"Ko Lin, what are the arrangements for this National Day? Go back to my hometown or where to go?"
"I don't go anywhere anymore, I'm just here. Alas, last year, I attended five weddings and spent 30,000 yuan. As a result, my family of four became one, and I'm still alone. My ex-wife has been refusing to remarry me. How can I have the intention to go back? Maybe those people asked me to pay more and give me more, while secretly laughing at me."
After hearing Xiao Lin's words, the people around me stopped talking. After all, everyone heard about Kobayashi's experience last year.
01.
Kobayashi is 32 years old this year. She got married six years ago. She has a son and a daughter. The family of four lives happily in this big city. However, last year, for the sake of her parents' face,Kobayashi ruined her small family and became a lonely person.
Kobayashi can be regarded as a successful man. He works in this leading company in the industry and has a high performance, with an annual salary of nearly 400,000 yuan. His monthly salary exceeds the income of his parents who worked hard for a year.
Yes, Kobayashi is a phoenix man. He was born in a remote mountain village. His parents are ordinary farmers and make a living by farming. When Kobayashi was young, her family was in a poor family. The whole family was frugal and could only survive by barely living. Kobayashi's clothes, school supplies, daily necessities, etc. were picked up by other relatives' children.
"My parents are both very face-loving people. They are most afraid of being stabbed by others. To put it bluntly. If someone praises them, they can be more happy to eat, and if someone criticizes them, they will not quarrel, they will only be extremely depressed, and they will not be able to get up for a long time."
And since Kobayashi was admitted to a key university, their parents have become more respectful. Others look at them with envious eyes and praise them with complimentary tone.
However, some relatives just envy, some relatives hope that Kobayashi will live a good life from the bottom of their hearts, while some people's purpose is profit. They know that Kobayashi's parents love face. When they ask for Kobayashi and want to use the help of relatives to get benefits from Kobayashi, they will have the idea of Kobayashi's parents.
02.
In fact, since Kobayashi graduated, many relatives have come up with his ideas, wanting to take advantage of the situation and gain benefits, and have the idea of one person being able to achieve success.
"When I first started working, my colleague knew about my situation and said I was a Phoenix man. He suggested that I be low-key and not let my relatives and friends know my real income. He said that I was not afraid of thieves and were afraid of thieves thinking about it. He also gave an example of people around him. At that time, I didn't take it in my heart, and I always felt that their thoughts were too dark."
Kobayashi and his parents both believed that success and fame would make me return home without glory, just like walking in a night. Therefore, not only did they not conceal Kobayashi's real income, but instead, for the sake of face, they only said that they never mentioned the huge pressure of Kobayashi living in big cities.
When relatives ask Kobayashi's parents to borrow money or do business, Kobayashi's parents almost never refuse. If the money is low, they will pay for themselves. If the money is high, they will help their relatives and find their son and daughter-in-law.
"My wife and I have many quarreled over these things. My wife believes that if we are in urgent need of helping the poor, we have to lend it to those with good reputation. If we have urgent matters, we have to do what we can. However, my parents agreed. If I don't do it, how can my parents face the villagers and elders? Do they still have the face to stay in their hometown?"
Kobayashi ignored his wife's opposition and lent more than 100,000 yuan in five years of marriage. The conflict between the couple became more and more. In the end, on the National Day last year, his wife could no longer bear it.
03.
"I hope she will go back with me. My parents miss the child. Besides, if she doesn't go back, others will ask, my parents will lose face. However, when I mentioned the word "face", she became angry and ignored me at all. On September 30th, she drove directly and took her children back to her parents' home. I had to go back to my hometown alone."
Back to my hometown, Kobayashi spent most of her time attending banquets, including five weddings, two postponed school entrance banquets and a birthday party. Kobayashi spent 15,000 yuan just to receive gifts. Because the gifts were less, his parents said he had no face to see his relatives.
In addition, Kobayashi's parents also invited some relatives to have dinner at a five-star hotel in the county. During the meal, Kobayashi borrowed some money, and the 30,000 yuan was gone.
After my wife came back, she asked Kobayashi how much she spent. Kobayashi wanted to hide it at first, but his wife still knew it. My wife was silent for a long time and did not get angry. She just calmly filed for divorce.
"I thought she was just talking and was just scaring me. Unexpectedly, she came to really, insisted on divorceing me. No matter how I apologize, it was useless."
In the end, Kobayashi still divorced. The custody of the two children belonged to his wife, and the house belonged to his wife. Kobayashi only received one compensation, and the family of four became one, which made Kobayashi and her parents feel extremely painful.
04.
Regarding relatives, there is a saying on the Internet: When you are down and out, you are jealous of you when you are in good condition. He hopes you live a good life, but he doesn't want you to live a better life than him. This is relative.
Lu Yao also wrote in "Ordinary World": "Relationships are often the most vulgar. You try to benefit from each other and roll your eyes if you don't care about them. Even the biggest difficulties in your life are often caused by relatives."
Smart people can clearly see the difference between face and inside, know how to refuse, and will not ruin their inside for the sake of face. In fact, once your inner self is gone and you live in a mess, you will still become the laughing stock of others and you will still not be able to save face.
On the contrary, you must live a good life and live a comfortable life. Even if you are low-key, others will think you are a successful person, will envy you, and you will also gain face.
END.
Today’s topic: Do you think face is important or inner value? Welcome to share your views in the comment section.
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