In marriages, people often complain about why they have paid so much but are not respected?
A man makes money hard and buys a house and a car, but the woman doesn't understand and blames him for making too little money and always compares him with someone in his neighbor.
Women are busy all day long, taking care of children, doing housework, and dealing with work, but the man crosses his legs, sits and waits for the meal to be ready, and blames the woman for not pouring wine.
says that a good husband-wife relationship needs to be managed.
Now I want to tell you a way to manage: selfish.
01
Learn to care about yourself, and only then can the relationship between husband and wife have a sense of distance.
My friend Xiaomu heard that her husband was going to be transferred to another city to work. She resigned without hesitation and wandered with her husband.
The husband was moved to tears when he was about Xiaomu.
In a foreign land, there is a lover waiting for you, there are delicious foods on the dining table, and you won’t be alone when walking. It's wonderful to think of it.
But not long after, my husband got tired of this kind of life and didn't like Xiaomu anywhere.
Xiaomu said aggrievedly: "Every time you go shopping on the street, you will take care of your taste. You often have your favorite braised carp . Your clothes are always careful to be ironed, afraid that you will not be decent enough when you work..."
After hearing Xiaomu's words, her husband softened. But the relationship between husband and wife has not improved because of this.
At the suggestion of my best friend, Xiaomu found a job to keep himself busy. At the same time, her care for her husband was also discounted. When buying groceries, you will also take care of your own taste.
Xiaomu's changes, her husband was surprised at first, but later he felt that he was really "in a blessing but not a blessing."
We always say that distance produces beauty. But how to distance it? It is not that the couple is separated or ignore each other. It is better to be "busy".
Too accommodating to a person will spoil him; over-suppressing yourself will hurt yourself.
Zhang Xiaoxian said: "A person's biggest shortcoming is not selfish, passionate, barbaric, and willful, but paranoid love for someone who doesn't love himself."
When the other party doesn't feel that you are good to him, don't cry in tears and tell him what he has paid, but put away his generousness and learn to be good to himself.
Everyone is adult, and some care is unnecessary. Don't treat your lover as a child.
Love mentor Tu Lei said: "Treat 70% good people, leave 3 points for yourself." That's the truth. If you are good to yourself, then there will be three-point distance in the relationship.
"I'm all for your own good", whoever I say this sentence will make anyone irritated. This is the bondage of love, not comfort.
02
It is a kind of empathy for each other to keep "privacy".
Does couples need to be heart-wrenching? Do you need to expose all your privacy?
In the movie " is OK and secretly happy ", Yun Fang broke up in love, and Zhang Damin went to persuade her. As they persuaded, the two of them got married in a simple hut.
Life is very hard, the wedding houses are all temporary shacks, and there is a tree in the middle. After the child is born, it is named "Little Tree".
Once, Yun Fang's ex-boyfriend came back from abroad and invited her former acquaintance to dinner. Yunfang left, and Zhang Damin was worried about a hundred times, so he rode his bicycle to the hotel where the party was.
The sudden rain wet Zhang Damin and was in a mess. When I got home, I found that Yun Fang had arrived home first.
Many couples are not "first love", but after several loves, they find the most suitable person; or after divorce, they remarry.
There are also some people who, after getting married, meet classmates whom they have secretly fall in love with and people they secretly like.
There will also be some things that are inconvenient to spread in social media; there will be stupid things that cannot be said about spending money.
You cannot ask the bottom line about privacy. After all, this is a very sensitive issue.
Just like Zhang Damin, he cares about his wife's safety, but he does not stop his wife from going to parties, nor does he dislike his wife for having an relationship. tacitly understand each other, this is respect.
treats privacy from the other party's perspective, and talks if you can say it, and hides it if you can't say it. You can enter the other person's heart and you won't feel uncomfortable either.
has some privacy and will never be described and communicated in detail in your life. It's like a scar, it will be painful to turn it out again.
03
Keeping a piece of "private money" is to lock in the happiness of the future.
There are mixed reviews about saving private money. Some people think that this is a manifestation of excessive selfishness and may leave home with money at any time; some people think that this is a manifestation of thrift and thrift in the family, which can solve the urgent problem.
If the couple does not plan to divorce, they should think about the benefits.
Mr. Han from Cixi City, Ningbo likes to collect antiques.
Once, he collected two late Qing Dynasty "Wendan Chairs". When cleaning up, he found that there were several passbooks on the bottom of the seat plate of the stool.
passbook shows it to help you in 1996.
According to relevant information, he found the owner of the passbook, Mr. Liu.
It turns out that the passbook was left by Mr. Liu's parents, who have passed away.
Through time and space, we can think of such a scene - an old couple, saving money and leaving behind a deposit. Although the deposit is not useful, it adds confidence to their elderly life.
In a family, both of them spend money with big money, and the consequences are unimaginable. If there is a stingy person, it will form a complementary situation, and it will force the other party to give the money to yourself and then save it.
We should be grateful to the person who has private money, considering the "tribulation" in the future.
04
Sanmao once said: "Too much for oneself is for selfishness. Totally giving up oneself is also to abuse a creature - oneself."
If you truly love someone, you will give unambiguously, but if you give like this, the other party will feel bored and needless; if you always neglect the other party, the relationship will become cold.
Smart people not only know how to calculate life carefully, but also grasp the standards of giving and selfishness, so that the balance of love is in a relatively balanced state.
In love, everyone desires to get it, but it is too easy to get it and will not cherish it.
Be more selfish, and if you become better, the other person will love you more.
Author: Common people eat coarse food.
Follow my text and enter your heart.
The pictures in the article are from the Internet.
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