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Since ancient times, betrothal gifts and dowries have been indispensable for men and women to marry.
However, in recent years, as the trend of luxury comparison has become more and more popular, a social phenomenon called "sky-high price gift" has also emerged.
And this phenomenon is becoming more and more serious in rural areas, and it has almost become a roadblock on the road to marriage.
In fact, the definition of sky-high betrothal gifts may be different in each region or even each family. The most important thing is to act according to your own circumstances.
In 2019, Zhang Yu from Chongqing encountered trouble over the bride price. After communicating with his fiancée Wang Xin to no avail, he actually broke up two days before the wedding.
But Wang Xin also felt that she was wronged. When she was 5 months pregnant, her wedding was unilaterally canceled. In a fit of anger, she said harshly: "You can divide it, but you have to pay me 1 million!"
What is the relationship between the prospective couple? What contradiction exists? How will the issue of bride price and compensation be finally resolved?
The man’s father was seriously ill, and the woman’s parents asked for a price increase.
“Do you really not want me and Xiaobao?” Wang Xin kept questioning her fiancé through WeChat.
She really couldn't accept it. The two were going to have their wedding in a few days, but Zhang Yu proposed breaking up at this moment.
Her parents just raised the bride price from 50,000 to 88,000, and asked to buy hardware and four major items.
In addition, after the wedding in Chongqing, we will go back to the woman’s hometown in Anhui to hold another wedding.
Wang Xin knew that it was inappropriate to change the originally agreed conditions before the wedding.
But her family members all agreed that these conditions were not excessive. Why did Zhang Yu react so defensively after hearing this, and even did not hesitate to talk about the breakup.
Thinking from Zhang Yu's perspective, he actually doesn't want to make fun of his marriage, not to mention that his fiancée already has his child in her belly.
However, Wang Xin’s parents’ sudden price increase and her own attitude of not discouraging her directly caused Zhang Yu to lose confidence in this relationship and subsequent marriage.
80,000 yuan, hardware, four major items and two weddings may not sound like a big deal. Especially the 88,000 yuan gift should not be considered a sky-high price.
Combined with the actual situation of Zhang Yu’s family and all the previous efforts, it is not difficult to guess why his attitude is so decisive.
In 2018, Zhang Yu has entered his thirties at this time.
Since graduating from college and starting to work, he has lived a life of owning a car and a house with his own efforts and a little help from his parents.
At this time, he was considered a successful person in the eyes of many people, except that he had not yet married a wife and had children.
This is also a worry for Zhang Yu's parents. Seeing that their son has reached the marriageable age, he just doesn't want to worry about his personal problems.
I haven’t had a girlfriend in so many years, and I don’t want to go on a blind date. I just focus on my work.
html In June, Zhang Yu went home to visit his parents. After his mother said a few digressions, she began to urge him to fall in love and get married.
But my father, who was always helpful, did not say anything this time. But judging from his expression, he was also looking forward to his son getting married and starting a family soon.
In response to this, Zhang Yu could only think of various ways to prevaricate, and finally said a few words to fool him.
Actually, it’s not that he doesn’t want to fall in love and get married, but this kind of thing depends on fate, and he doesn’t want to force it until the fate comes. He can’t just find someone to spend the rest of his life with!
Just when Zhang Yu wanted to delay it for another two years, he suddenly discovered that his father's body was aging at a speed visible to the naked eye, and his mother always looked worried.
Could it be that my father is sick? Why didn't anyone tell him?
Under Zhang Yu’s various questioning, the parents finally told the truth hesitantly. Yes, my father is indeed ill, and he is already in the advanced stage of cancer.
This news was like a bolt from the blue, crushing Zhang Yu in an instant. Such a big thing happened in the family, why should he hide it from his son?
But what’s the point of saying it? My parents couldn’t believe it when they saw the test results at first. Later, they accepted this reality and secretly received medical treatment without telling their son.
Since it is irreversible, live one more day if you can. It's just that he didn't see his son marry and start a family, which made his father always feel a little regretful.
Urging marriage is the only thing they can do. But the parents don't want to be too obvious and don't want to use their illness as an excuse to force their son to get married.
Now that Zhang Yu knows the truth, his father still doesn't want to put too much pressure on him. Marriage is not a trivial matter, it must be done step by step and slowly.
But Zhang Yu couldn't forgive himself. He couldn't forgive himself for being so busy at work that he didn't even know that his father had cancer.
could not forgive himself for procrastinating again and again, making his seriously ill father worry about his marriage day and night.
Since then, Zhang Yu took a long leave from work. In addition to spending time with his parents, he also started a serious blind date.
Later, an Anhui girl named Wang Xin came into Zhang Yu’s sight.
She is a few years younger than Zhang Yu, and their academic qualifications are equivalent, so they chatted together quickly after meeting.
But unlike Zhang Yu, Wang Xin had an unforgettable first love before. She had been with her ex-boyfriend for four years, and it was almost time to talk about marriage.
But as deeply as you loved before, you will be deeply hurt later. Her ex-boyfriend suddenly cheated on her with someone else and cheated her out of a lot of money with her new love.
This failed first love made Wang Xin autistic for a long time. Even though she later came out of the shadows, she did not have the courage to fall in love again.
In the end, my parents couldn’t stand it anymore, and dwelling on the past was not an option! It's better to start a new relationship. People always have to look forward.
So under the repeated orders of her parents, Wang Xin had to accept the blind date.
But perhaps because of the shadow of her previous relationship, she was unwilling to be honest about herself, and she met several men one after another but ended without any problems.
In the end, driven by fate, Zhang Yu and Wang Xin, two people with their own stories, came together.
One felt pity for the other person's father being seriously ill, and the other felt pity for the other person's emotional injury. In addition, the two of them did have a lot in common, so they both expressed their willingness to develop further.
After learning the details of the blind date, both parents felt that the two children were a good match.
Not long after the blind date, Zhang Yu and Wang Xin lived together as lovers. During the subsequent relationship, their relationship became deeper and deeper.
Zhang Yu, who had never been in love before, did not reject this relationship. He directly aimed at getting married and promised to treat Wang Xin well in the future.
Wang Xin also felt that her new boyfriend was someone she could trust for life, and she got pregnant not long after living together.
After hearing the good news, Zhang Yu's parents immediately urged the two to put their marriage on the agenda.
They broke up on the eve of the wedding, and it was a problem to keep the child.
After discussing with Wang Xin’s parents, the two families decided to hold an engagement banquet at the woman’s house first, and then a wedding banquet at the man’s house.
Because Chongqing and Anhui are far apart, relatives and friends on both sides may not be able to get together, so we solved it in this way.
In order to treat his father's illness, Zhang Yu's parents almost spent all their money. They really couldn't support their son much in preparing for their engagement and marriage.
Zhang Yu expressed his understanding of this. He also reassured his parents that after working hard for so many years, he could still afford the money for the wedding and it would definitely be a success.
In his hometown in Anhui, Zhang Yu hosted an engagement party beautifully, which gave Wang Xin and his family a lot of face.
The woman's relatives were full of praise for him. Some said that when the time came to get married, they would definitely attend if they had time;
After the engagement party, Zhang Yu and Wang Xin returned to Chongqing.
They want to finish the wedding banquet as soon as possible, because Wang Xin's belly is getting bigger and bigger, and it will be inconvenient to move around when the month is over, and she will be tired on the wedding day.
After some discussion, the two families set a date for June 11, 2019. The requirements for betrothal gifts and other aspects have been negotiated before.
Zhang Yu spent hundreds of thousands in preparation for the wedding ceremony and engagement ceremony.
Taking into account the actual situation of his family and the future life needs of the two of them, he hoped that the woman would give in a little bit on the betrothal gift.
Wang Xin also expressed his understanding. After all, Zhang Yu's father was still ill and their child was about to be born. There would be too much money to spend in the future.
So we agreed on the 50,000 yuan gift early in the morning, and there was no need for other miscellaneous things. Unexpectedly, on the eve of the wedding, Wang Xin's parents suddenly changed their minds.
"50,000 yuan is still a bit low. It would be better to collect 80,800 yuan for better luck. Hardware and four major items, you still have to have these things."
"And you also met our relatives from my hometown last time. , there are many people, it would be inappropriate not to go back and hold one.”
The temporary price increase made Zhang Yu and his parents feel very uncomfortable. Adding up to seven, seven, eight, eight, it is inevitable to spend a lot of money.
Moreover, the two families had obviously reached an agreement before, so why did they suddenly change their minds. Could it be that they felt that the wedding ceremony was almost ready and they had no choice but to agree?
Zhang Yu went to question Wang Xin holding back his anger, but Wang Xin was obviously on the side of his parents.
She believed that her parents' demands were not too much. Anyway, they were getting married soon, so they shouldn't have conflicts over such trivial matters.
But it was precisely because he was about to get married that this temporary price increase made Zhang Yu even more angry.
He thought that he was already within his capabilities, and he held two banquets with great splendor, the wedding room was also decorated, and everything he could do was done. Why couldn't Wang Xin's family be considerate of him?
In particular, Wang Xin's mother also said: "These requirements are considered the most basic in our hometown. If you can't do this, just don't get married."
He went back on his word and used marriage as a threat. This attitude made Zhang Yu The idea of a breakup came up. Especially after confirming Wang Xin's attitude, he was even more disappointed.
Now the requirements are temporarily imposed, and if they are not met, they are not allowed to get married. So what if there are any requirements in the future? If we can't meet them, will we get divorced?
A marriage that has been repeatedly interfered with by elders, even if they are forced to stay together, will inevitably lead to chaos in the future.
So two days before the wedding, Zhang Yu broke up with Wang Xin. Anyway, they didn't go to get the marriage certificate , so all the money they spent before was wasted.
Wang Xin, who was 5 months pregnant, was completely confused after seeing the news of the breakup. She hurriedly apologized to Zhang Yu, saying that she had absolutely no intention of forcing him or leaving him.
But when her parents made new demands unilaterally, she did not act, but responded to Zhang Yu with a tacit attitude.
On the one hand, she feels that these demands are not excessive, and she is partial to her parents in her heart; on the other hand, it may be that she herself wants to be prosperous and is just saying it through her parents' mouths.
The family felt that the engagement banquet had been held and the wedding banquet was about to begin. With a child still in their belly, Zhang Yu and his parents would definitely give in.
Unexpectedly, the calculation was wrong. Zhang Yu not only did not give in, but also resolutely broke up.
He is cutting his losses in time to prevent his future married life from being a mess. But in Wang Xin's view, this behavior was so irresponsible that it almost drove her to a dead end.
The engagement party has been held in her hometown, so relatives and friends know that she is getting married. Now that something like this has happened, let her behave how she behaves in the future.
There is still a child in her belly. If she is born, she will be a single mother; if she does not give birth, how much impact will induction and abortion have on her?
Wang Xin kept apologizing to Zhang Yu, hoping that he would be more tolerant for the sake of his children and that other matters could be discussed later.
But Zhang Yu also told her bluntly that the conflicts between them could not be resolved with an apology. After all, no one is right or wrong, maybe it is just not suitable to continue.
As for whether the child should stay or go, he completely respects Wang Xin's personal opinion.
If she decides to give birth, then as the father of the child, Zhang Yu will not evade any responsibility and will pay the child support.
If he does not give birth, he will bear all the expenses of the surgery and hospitalization independently, and he will also be given an additional compensation.
After several negotiations, he asked for 1 million yuan in compensation.
At this point, Zhang Yu’s attitude was already very clear. Children cannot be the shackles that bind him. It is entirely up to Wang Xin to decide how to choose.
These words also made Wang Xin give up completely. She understood that there was nothing she could do to save anything. But as a mother, if she were to give up this child, she would suffer great physical and mental pain.
"You will be divided, but you must compensate me 1 million!"
This 1 million will not only cost the child's life, but also the escape route Wang Xin has prepared for herself.
In case she has any sequelae due to the operation and is unable to have normal children in the future, there will still be money for her to seek medical treatment.
But the amount of 1 million was too big, and Zhang Yu felt that it was tantamount to extortion. If he could get 1 million, would he still fall out with Wang Xin over things like betrothal gifts?
Moreover, because of the breakdown of the marriage, the father, who was already seriously ill, became increasingly ill. Now the family was in a state of panic, how could they accept such an excessive request.
So the two sides started a tug of war, and no one could convince the other. But the child in the belly cannot wait. The older the month, the more dangerous it is to undergo surgery.
He has been slowly taking shape in his mother's womb. He was originally supposed to be brought into this world with great expectations, but in the end he became a burden and bargaining chip for both parents.
After several arguments, Wang Xin took the lead in making concessions. Instead of 1 million, there should be 600,000 or 500,000.
But for Zhang Yu, this number is also within the unacceptable range. He has already squandered hundreds of thousands. Wouldn't he be bankrupt if he spends hundreds of thousands more?
Moreover, he lost his wife and lost his troops. In the end, he got nothing.
Seeing the ugly quarrel between their son and his former daughter-in-law-to-be, Zhang Yu's parents also regretted it.
If it weren’t for the wish of the old couple, his son would not have discussed marriage with someone else so quickly. In the end, the marriage did not take place, and instead they were involved in a lawsuit.
But no one could have predicted that things would develop to this point.
The reason why Zhang Yu chose Wang Xin in the first place was partly because of his parents, but on the other hand, he did have a crush on this girl.
"Don't blame yourself. It's better to break up now than get divorced later. This is a lesson. You will know to be more cautious when encountering this situation in the future."
But after appeasing the parents, the two parties have not yet reached a consensus on compensation. If we delay it any longer, we may just be able to give birth to the child.
But when this unexpected child came into the world, he was unable to enjoy a normal family atmosphere from the beginning.
When faced with the mediation, Wang Xin seemed very disappointed. She also admitted that the 1 million she said before was an angry word.
As for the 500,000 or 600,000 yuan, it was the last bit of protection she fought for for herself when she was desperate.
Now she has a big belly and can't go anywhere. A nice wedding was unilaterally cancelled. She has suffered serious emotional trauma again and can no longer see hope for the future.
Zhang Yu could actually understand her inner hesitation and helplessness, but he still felt that there was no need for the two of them to go on.
One by one, seemingly inconspicuous little things, when piled together, may have serious consequences.
Wang Xin is now pregnant and cannot work. Zhang Yu also transferred several thousand yuan for living expenses without saying a word. He can talk about it later after using it up.
And he still sticks to his previous idea, it doesn't matter whether he has a baby or not, and he will not escape what is his responsibility.
But Wang Xin also has to consider the actual situation of his family. Whether it is alimony or compensation, he cannot make a big deal.
In fact, Wang Xin's parents may also feel extremely regretful that the two have reached this point. Not only did she lose face with her relatives back home, but she also had to consider how her daughter would go in the future.
html The betrothal gift of 388,000 yuan seemed not much, but they subconsciously ignored Zhang Yu's seriously ill father and all the efforts he had put in to prepare for the marriage.
As for hardware and four major items, you can slowly add them after you get married. All said and done, they are living a happy life as a young couple, and the most important thing is not face but respect.
And the wedding banquet that was agreed upon before ended up being a must for both parties. All kinds of back-tracking behavior will make anyone uncomfortable in the eyes.
In the end, the two chose to mediate privately, and the wedding banquet that could not be held became a thing of the past.
But without this episode, the two of them would have been a legal couple long ago, and they would also run their own families together in the future.
I can only say that there is no regret medicine in this world. You should think carefully before speaking or doing anything, and you should not bully others casually.
Postscript
"After decades of hard work, I returned to the poverty line once I got married."
This sentence is not a joke. Many families, especially those who are not wealthy, basically work together for one person's marriage.
For various reasons, he would rather be divorced from the actual situation and do something special.
But the wedding is not the end but the starting point for the couple. How to live the next days is the most important. But if you throw away all your money at the beginning, what will you use for the rest of your life?
In May 2020, the Ministry of Civil Affairs launched a crackdown on such backward phenomena such as sky-high betrothal gifts and vulgar weddings.
This signal is also a reminder to everyone not to promote the prevalence of this unhealthy trend for the so-called face or self-interest.
With the vigorous efforts of relevant departments, many bad habits have been improved, and many young people have actively advocated simplicity in weddings.
In fact, regarding love, poverty does not necessarily mean perfunctory, and wealth does not necessarily mean attention.
Even if some people are not rich, they will give their best things within their ability. Only this kind of relationship can last longer.
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