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Text: Shili
Illustrations: From the Internet
"Men can't pay too much for women, because women don't know what's good or bad. I obviously gave all my best for her, but she doesn't know how to be grateful. Not only is she not satisfied, but she also She always finds trouble with me, saying that she doesn’t need my efforts at all, and she really doesn’t know what’s good for her. It really pisses me off. ” Yesterday, a reader friend sent me such a private message.
After seeing this private message, the author thought for a long time.
Can’t men really pay too much for women?
The answer is no. Men can pay for women, but they must know how to give to women and do what they need instead of paying self-righteously.
Each of us has an independent personality and soul, and both parties need a certain amount of space. It does not mean that the other person's life will be filled with your love, and the other person will feel the presence of love.
is just like this friend's love. He thinks he is infatuated with love, but he doesn't understand what he is giving, or the other person doesn't need it at all. All this will only cause trouble to the other person.
In reality, although many women hope to meet a man who is infatuated with them, many men misunderstand infatuation.
In fact, these three kinds of infatuation in men are not love, but hurt.
Men’s infatuated control is not love.
Love, although it means a certain degree of possession. But excessive possession will turn into slavery, and controlling infatuated love is slavery.
The more a man loves a woman, the more afraid he is of losing her, so some people begin to control and change the woman, letting her live according to his ideas.
But I never consider whether the other party is willing to accept your life.
Men simply don’t understand that the more they are afraid of losing each other and take precautions, the more likely they are to lose each other.
When you start to put your focus on a woman, the personality she originally liked about you may no longer be there. Therefore, you have lost yourself and her love for you.
The other person likes you because of all the things that happened before you got together. Once you throw away these, you lose the reason why the other person likes you.
The human heart craves attraction and challenge.
A woman is happy that you came into her life, but not happy that you changed her life.
True love is respect and support for the other person, respecting the other person's boundaries, and giving the other person freedom, rather than blindly controlling the other person and making the other person become his caged bird.
For men, even if they love another woman, they should not put all their focus on the other woman, but should pay more attention to their own growth.
The more you want to control something, the easier it is to be controlled by it. The more you care about her, the more painful it will be for you. Of course, the other person will also have a hard time.
Excessive love will only make the other person feel suffocated and stressed instead of feeling love.
Only when a man maintains his sense of independence at all times is he more likely to be loved by a woman.
If you want to be together for a long time, you must find the most comfortable state for each of you.
As Tolstoy said: "We love each other equally because we understand each other and respect each other."
Men's self-righteous infatuation is not love.
In reality, many men always think that they are good to women, but never understand whether the other party needs this love. After they have given up, if the woman does not repay them in equal measure, the men will justifiably criticize the other party morally. Don't know what is good or bad.
But as everyone knows, women don’t need this love from the beginning.
A man's wishful love often only brings pressure and suffocation to the other person.
For men, don't love too much, as things will turn to the extreme, which will not only hurt others but also hurt yourself.
The more a man loves, the easier it is to inspire more possessiveness and control.
As Tu Lei said: "Teven points of love for your partner is enough, please love yourself for the remaining three points."
The person who loves more will hate, and the person who loves less will resent.
Men should understand women's needs, and then cater to them to truly satisfy women, rather than paying self-righteously.
In the movie " Twelve Nights ", Eason Chan and Cecilia Cheung played a couple. From falling in love to breaking up, until the passion fades away, leaving only tiredness.
Cecilia Cheung asked: "Why do you never understand what I do for you?"
Eason Chan said: "I didn't ask you to do so many things, why do you do so many things? Why do you always do so much for me? Something? "
Just like a man's contribution to a woman, if a man's contribution to a woman is not needed by a woman, then no matter how much a man gives, it will be meaningless.
Just like our parents' love and devotion to us when we were young,
our parents always think they are giving to us, but never ask whether we need it, so we always want to escape.
When you put all your love on others, you are actually not caring about others, but asking for love through "caring".
Many parents do this. They keep saying that they do everything for their children, but they suck the life out of their children.
A man’s unreasonable entanglement is not love.
It is said: "A strong woman is afraid of pestering her husband."
The way many men pursue women lies in the word "entanglement".
It was clear that the other party did not love him and was disgusted with his entanglement, but he himself regarded this unreasonable entanglement as the other party's infatuation.
As a result, it adds trouble and burden to the other party again and again.
For these men, they need to understand that unreasonable entanglement is never considered love, it can only be regarded as a kind of harm.
Because the entangled party will only feel pain and trouble, and they just want to escape from you.
Even if they are entangled by such an "infatuated" man, they are likely to become dependent on him, and then mistake this feeling for love. Such love will not last long.
Because they will wake up one day and end this incorrect relationship completely.
Entanglement is never love, entanglement is entanglement, which is causing trouble for others.
Those men who "I can't live without you" are actually kidnapping morally.
They are just using their own methods to force women to make choices.
Their behavior seems to be about attaching importance to women, but in fact it is a kind of entanglement, absorbing other people's energy and making others worse and worse.
Men who like to pester a woman don't really love that woman. They probably just don't want to embarrass themselves and just want to prove themselves.
A woman who truly loves you will never need you to keep insisting on her, so you must learn to give up. This will not only be good for others, but also good for yourself.
Before you love others, you must learn to love yourself first.
It is impossible for a person who does not love himself to get the love of others.
——END
Today’s topic: “Do you think it’s right?”
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