A reader wrote:
My husband is a very nice person, and he has basically no bad habits except for drinking a little wine occasionally. However, my husband and I feel uncomfortable together. Although we are not divorced, I still experience disappointment from my husband every day. For example, my husband has never praised me. In his eyes, everything I have done for the family is what I should do. For example, my husband rarely calls me, which makes me often feel that my husband does not pay enough attention to me. For example, my husband He would fall out with me at any time because of his parents and relatives; for example, when my husband went on a business trip to a strange city, he would never tell me that he was safe, let alone bring me some small gifts.
In the past, I thought it was because I was small-minded, but after being with my husband for a long time, I felt that my husband didn't care about me. Because I am disappointed in my husband in the trivial aspects of life, my expectations for him have become less. I thought I was being open-minded, but actually I was giving up.
Half a year ago, I got back in touch with my first love boyfriend. It seemed that the sweet words my first love boyfriend gave me every day were what love should be like. At the beginning, my love with my first boyfriend was lost to distance, because when he graduated from high school, he moved with his parents from the northern city to the southern city. Although my first love boyfriend and I only cheated on each other mentally, I always had the urge to go to him.
Our chat history was eventually discovered by my husband. I also apologized to my husband for this, but my husband and I experienced a month-long cold war. In this case, I missed my first boyfriend even more intensely. Once when I was on a business trip, I made a special trip to the city where my first boyfriend lived. At that time, my first love boyfriend and his wife entertained me together. Seeing them in a relatively happy state together, I knew that from now on, I should not disturb their lives anymore. On the plane back to my home from the city where my first love boyfriend lived, I had mixed feelings. After
arrived home, I opened the door and saw my husband and a strange woman at my house. Afterwards, my husband confessed to me that he had no feelings for that strange woman at all. He did this just to let me taste the feeling of betrayal of marriage. Then, I calmly filed for divorce from my husband, but he didn't agree.
Muzi Li Emotional Analysis:
Everyone has a kind side and a ferocious side. Usually, people rarely show their ferocious side in front of their loved ones. This may not be the case if it reaches the stage of divorce. In fact, couples have not experienced too many grand events. The accumulation of love is the accumulation of trivial things in life; hate will also precipitate in the trivial matters of life. Maybe your husband is a good person, but he is definitely not the man who loves you deeply. He may love himself more because you can't feel his care and enthusiasm in your life. At best, you can only say that your husband is a committed marriage man. The key is that in running a marriage, loyalty alone is not enough. It also requires a minimum of care and interaction between husband and wife.
In your life experience, you have met people who love you, and you have also met people you love. Two different emotions, the warmth experienced is different. The reason why you are often disappointed by your husband's behavior is actually because your husband has never fulfilled your desire to care for you. More often than not, you just get used to his presence in your life. It's not until the man you first love breaks into your world again that you discover that there is another kind of relationship between people called mutual warmth. In this case, you especially want to meet your first boyfriend. It's just that after you met, there was one more person around him (his wife), and he and his wife were more affectionate. At this time, your true inner voice: There is no need to continue to contact the other party. In other words, your first love and the care you show through online chatting are just a passing pleasure.
Everyone’s existence is unique. Some people look enthusiastic and may be flower pickers; some people look indifferent, but they do a lot for you with practical actions; some people are very polite every time they talk to you. They often do harm to you behind your back; although some people speak harshly when communicating with you, they sincerely hope you will be happy.Therefore, in the adult world, sweet words and listening to the end are, at best, just adding some spice to one's ordinary life. For those who say they love you, you need to make them take actual actions. Although your husband is not a perfect lover in your perception, he has also formed a relatively dull companionship for you invisibly.
I can see that your husband is the one who is truly petty and will definitely retaliate. About when you were on a business trip, he brought other women to your home. To put it bluntly, he just hopes that he can be mentally balanced. Or you feel that you and your first boyfriend didn’t do anything dirty, but your husband’s behavior was a bit excessive. But you also need to admit something: if you and your first boyfriend hadn't talked to each other until this happened, your husband would not have cheated on you in revenge for cheating on you. Ask yourself: During your business trip, when you went around in circles to find your first boyfriend, did you really just want to have a meal with him and catch up on old times? It's just that when you saw him, he brought his wife with him, so you felt a little disappointed.
What we should believe about love: companionship is the longest confession of love. During this period, you will definitely see some shortcomings in your own cognition from your lover, because at some point, it is difficult for you to resonate with some of your lover's behaviors. When certain behaviors of your lover do not produce the results you expected, you will show instinctive disappointment. In fact, the essence of marriage is to live together as a partner. During this period, the other party has no bad habits or bad intentions, can guarantee their loyalty to the marriage, and does not show any calculations about money. It is already considered a relatively high-quality marriage relationship. After all, life is not a movie or TV drama, so don’t expect too many romantic plots. Responsibilities and obligations are the top priority.
I believe that many people often feel that their lover is selfish and double-standard at a certain moment. At this time, you might as well try to list some of the advantages of your lover. In fact, you can still list many. People are instinctively used to finding faults in their married life, so that when their lover cannot be submissive to them, they will feel unhappy in their lives driven by feelings of loss. In fact, there is not much obedience and fairness in life. As long as you can be giving and kind in the process of running a marriage, have less demanding demands on your lover, and enjoy the dullness between husband and wife, you will find that your Marriage is not that bad. More often than not, people feel that their marriages are unhappy because their expectations for marriage are too high, which leads to problems with their mentality.
Editor's note:
When we are in school, we need to learn more book knowledge with an ignorant attitude; after entering the society, we need to pretend to be stupid to avoid many things related to gossip. Life itself has made people very tired. If you don’t want to know something, don’t let your curiosity kill the cat. If we can take many things lightly and be more tolerant of the people around us, we will find that we will no longer feel tired.
Life is originally a practice, and the most important part of it is to cultivate your own mind. In the short and long life, please adjust your mentality: less entangled, less confused, and less panic is the attitude we should have. Looking back at the past, many things are no longer so important. What is important is that there are still some people in life who are still my spiritual support: such as parents, children and lovers.
(pictures from the Internet, pictures and texts have nothing to do with it)
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