When you encounter a setback or something difficult to deal with, what is the first thought that comes to your mind?
——I blame myself for being so stupid and incapable?
-still thinking that if I worked harder, things would not go so bad?
If you have had a similar idea before, and even take it for granted, then you should listen to some suggestions from the American psychotherapist Amy Morin.
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"My life is a failure of capital"
Once, Andy (a pseudonym), a depressed patient, came to Amy Morin's office for help because of his illness.
After several treatments,She gradually understood the source of Andy's depression- He always thought that he was not good enough. This deep-rooted idea is firmly in his mind and will never go away.
From an early age, Andy believed that he was not smart, talented, or willpower to pursue success, so he naturally believed that he would never get ahead.
So he walked all the way, but he didn't get the attention of teachers and family members, and he did the lowest level of work as an adult.
He seldom takes the initiative to meet new people. He leads a life without ideals. The money earned is only enough to sustain his life. Due to poor financial management, Andy has even shouldered a large debt in recent years. .
In life, there are many people like Andy, who often create a "self-limiting" belief for themselves, and then strengthen the performance of everything around them based on this belief.
Although many times these ideas and perceptions are not entirely correct and they are not driven by people, many self-limiting people will block their potential for this, cutting off the opportunity to break through themselves. .
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strong48 strong 481It stems from the destruction of core beliefs
Amy believes that in childhood, people will develop a lot of beliefs about themselves, a growth environment that lacks too much attention, or arbitrary depreciation by adults. Contempt will make a child believe that he will do nothing in the future.
Over the long years, this kind of thinking will slowly permeate all aspects of life, such as failing exams or frustrated feelings, any unsatisfactory in life will become effective evidence to support this perception .
Once there are contradictory facts, such as getting good grades or getting a job promotion, people will subconsciously attribute it to luck or other external factors.
ignores strengths and strengthens weaknesses, This is how the brain works when a class of people, represented by Andy, recognize something. And because they have no doubt about the facts they have identified, they will not realize that they are doing this wrongly. On the contrary, failures and setbacks just prove to them that they are not good enough.
This lack of self-belief will also affect how you look at people and things around you.
thinks he is weak against stress,Then it is difficult to get out of the comfort zone; if you feel that communicating with people is too troublesome, you will limit your circle of friends; if you feel that no matter how hard you work, you will not be favored by your boss, so you are very likely to fish in troubled waters in the workplace.
In short, the more you believe in a bad thing, the more life will be fulfilled as you wish.
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how to correct self-limiting beliefs
if you have It took nearly 30 years to constantly brainwash yourself as a "waste" and "loser". Now suddenly forcing yourself to believe that you are a "winner" will not help much.
Because it is difficult for you to wipe out the deep-rooted ideas overnight, and the unforeseen challenges in life will bring you back into the whirlpool of self-doubt—what you are doing Can't do everything well? Is my existence a burden to others?
Amy Morin’s new book "Farewell to the Development of a Glass Heart Female Power",Although the group is for women, the practical tips in the book on how to avoid "thinking about things and thinking about things" apply to everyone:
- set yourself a so-called "worry time" and specify yourself After this period of time, you are not allowed to think about things
- remind the brain to switch channels and divert attention at the right time, and don’t focus on things that upset you
- Practice mindfulness, try to learn to live in the present
- Take a break, don’t think about something all the time, so that the brain has the opportunity to solve problems in the subconscious
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She also reminded to pay attention to these "emotional traps", in case the brain thinks more and more:
Ideas to look at the current situation. For example, if you always think that bad things always have their share, then list the good things that have happened to you.
Then, replace the original negative thoughts with more realistic and positive thoughts, like " Although some bad things like to come to me, there are also many good things that come to me _strong span3span 1 _strong span3span , This does not mean that you have to digest negative thoughts, but that you have to find ways to look at your experience from a pragmatic perspective.
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It is really not easy to rebuild collapsed self-confidence. When faced with repeated failures and doubts, it is really not easy to do one thing. , That is false imagination to verify its authenticity .
For example,You feel that you are dull and not good at communication. Ask yourself "If I have social skills, what would I do?" Then pretend that you have this skill to act. This does not mean that you are going to be a fake person. On the contrary, you can think positively, You are trying to dig out the other side of your personality.
When you are ready to expand your social circle, you might as well start by setting a small goal: this time I have to know at least 5 friends. Take more time to practice conversation terminology and topic change, put on a confident smile, maybe you will unlock new skills and discover more of your own personality charm.
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