Many students often report to their teachers that they will encounter many emotional problems in their lives. The reasons for these problems and even the breakup are summarized as follows:
1. Is the boyfriend or husband suspected of cheating?
2. Feelings are getting more and more indifferent, just like holding the right hand left and right, the two have nothing to say?
3. Personality is getting more and more out of place, often noisy, or even domestic violence?
4. Every time I look for him, he is always busy! He thought about divorce countless times?
5. Can't hold onto this relationship, but don't want to give up? But still hopeful?
Before this, I have always believed that he loves me, loves this family, and will never cheat. Unexpectedly, in the 7th year after marriage, he gave me a fatal blow-yes, he cheated. I thought I would leave him with the faith of "one time of infidelity, 100 times of uselessness" as before.
However, when I really faced this situation, I realized why so many people finally chose to forgive after their husbands cheated.
My name is Xia Xue and I met my husband Xiaofeng at work. Before I met him, I had been in love a few times. When I was twenty-seven or eighteen, I wanted to stabilize.
At this time, Xiaofeng appeared in my life. other conditions are average,But the character is very good. care for me in life, help guide me at work, and communicate with each other emotionally. I think he is the right person in my life. I gave up other suitors and stayed with him. We were in love for two years, and then we got married.
When we first got married, our lives were very stressful. Husband is a civil servant, life is stable but not much money, even worse after giving birth, But I have never complained, frugal and take good care of their father and son.
Later, my husband resigned and started his own company. Although he is a small boss, he is very busy and spends all day socializing outside. The nine-to-five days of the past are gone, and they often go home late for social gatherings.
I think this is normal. He did this for his family, and I didn't think much about it. Then he gradually stopped going home. Although I was not very happy, I expressed my understanding and support.
Later when I saw my husband answering the phone, he ran to the study to hide from me. I heard from my friends that I saw my husband and other women together. I have some doubts, but I still can’t believe it.
So I checked the phone while my husband was asleep, and there was no problem with WeChat and QQ. The handling is very clean, except for an unfamiliar number in the address book, I make calls almost every day. I entered this mobile phone number in WeChat add friends, and after verification, I found that it was a girl, young and beautiful, and there were photos of eating, drinking, and having fun everywhere in the circle of friends.
I couldn’t believe it, my tears fell,Because I really saw the profile of my husband walking with her. The photo is very blurry and others may not be able to see it, but I bought the plaid shirt that my husband is wearing, and I can recognize it at a glance.
My thoughts are confused, and my heart hurts like a knife. I do not know what to do. I think it might be because I was not doing well enough, so he went out to look for Chapter 3. I silently treat him well, hoping that he can change his mind, but who knows that he has gotten worse, and then directly took the third party to the company to hang around.
He can't see what I have paid, and my tolerance makes him even better. I can't stand it anymore. I want to divorce him, but he doesn't want to leave. He said that divorce was unfair to me, but in fact he was afraid of losing face. I am not afraid of shame. He thought about the days when the red flag at home would not fall, and the colorful flags fluttering outside. Has he ever thought about my feelings? How can I live so humble!
Fortunately, my friend introduced me to my mentor. He helped me analyze the problems in our marriage and worked out a private recovery plan. With his help, I successfully saved my marriage.
tutor analysis:
divorce is definitely not caused by small problems, it must be caused by the accumulation of many problems. There are many problems in Xia Xue’s marriage with her husband, such as:
1. is unbalanced in value,Xia Xue is in a low position
After marriage, Xiaofeng opened his own company and became the boss. With the continuous growth of value, economic conditions, social status and psychological maturity are constantly improving.
Xia Xue mainly takes care of the family and does not pay attention to work investment and personal development, which leads to an imbalance in the value of two people. Xia Xue's attraction to her husband diminished.
2. Insufficient intimacy, give the third party a chance
If the third party can be accommodated in the marriage, it must be a problem in the relationship between husband and wife. Only if two people are intimate, can they not tolerate a third party.
Xia Xue doesn't know how to manage a marriage, and the intimacy with her husband after marriage is not enough, so her husband can develop an intimate relationship with a third party.
3 I found out that the derailment was noisy and could not solve the problem
Many women would make a lot of noise after they found out that their husbands were cheating. Although the painful mood is understandable, this approach will only reduce their value, make the other party feel that the third party is good, and push the other party farther.
After receiving my case, the instructor solemnly held a group meeting and helped me to formulate a recovery plan at the meeting. The plan is divided into four steps and it feels very professional.
1. Clever use of routines to separate the third party
The girl with my husband is young and beautiful.The circle of friends is full of photos of eating, drinking and having fun, and there is no serious work. Obviously, he was spending money with my husband. The relationship is not deep now, there should be no feelings.
The instructor said that no beauty does not like handsome guys. He helped me find a handsome guy to chase this girl. Coax her to hold her every day, serving her deliciously. It didn't take long for the indifferent girl to be with this handsome guy.
They went on a date together. He sent me the location, and I took my husband to see it. my husband looked very bad and dragged me back home without speaking.
husband likes that girl very much. He thought he had found the second spring of his life, but he did not expect that she was such a woman. Husband was very sad, completely ignored the girl, and confessed to me, saying that he was taken away by the woman and the family ignored him. He also assured me that this will not happen in the future.
2. Calm down to increase value
During that time, he didn't always go out for a run, and went home on time every day, but staying at home was very depressed and depressed.
The instructor said that he should be emotional. It is normal to feel sad after a relationship and feel guilty to his family. So this time you should try to accept him, don't give him any blows and pressure. Although my heart is full of resentment, I try not to complain, and go out shopping to vent my emotions if I can’t stand it.
I just use this time to improve myself.I am doing financial work, and I enrolled in accounting intermediate classes and yoga classes. There are professional classes every evening and two yoga classes a week. The rest of the time is like nothing happened, take care of the children and family , life is very fulfilling.
A few days later, my husband helped with the housework, and my husband who was cooking was nearby. At night, the child fell asleep, and he began to apologize to me. He said that he has been thinking a lot these days. Please forgive him as much as possible. He went home on time, helped me with housework every day, and performed better. But we all know that such a serious incident cannot be the same as in the past.
The instructor said that after the separation of the third party, the restoration of the marriage relationship has just begun, so I am ready.
3. Emotional coordination, rebuild the relationship
After the spouse’s forgiveness can be rebuilt together in the previous stage, the instructor said This kind of problem in marriage shows that the past relationship model cannot meet the needs of both parties.
If there is no third party in the marriage, mutual understanding, healthy communication, and intimacy must be rebuilt.
4. close contact,Successfully repaired
After her husband cheated, I have been sleeping in separate rooms with him. Thinking about his feelings for other women, he felt very uncomfortable and nauseous in the same bed as him. The instructor said that for the relationship between husband and wife, sex is very important. If you want to completely repair the relationship between husband and wife, you must be in close contact. Psychological forgiveness is not enough. You must enjoy sex to establish true intimacy.
I chose a weekend night and made a table of dishes. The family ate happily. When I cleaned the bed, he naturally arranged his quilt and pillows. As before, he saw my willingness. Back in the bedroom, he happily hugged me from behind and said, "My wife has worked hard, let me come, and you can rest."
From that day on, we two shared the same bed, although we still felt a little bit in my heart. It's uncomfortable, but it's normal. It takes a certain amount of time for the wound to heal. My marriage is maintained in this way. After the storm, both of them cherished it more and handled this hard-won marriage more carefully.
In the long process of staying together, each of us is trying our own way to make love to the end.
tried hard, worked hard, compromised, and tolerated. Don't forget the original intention, and hope that the text can help you who are lost.
The article is selected from my official account, Fu Yi said emotionally.
I’m Fu Yi,Love is too messy, I will help you sort it out.
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