Hello, is "incompatible" with the world. Is it a kind of experience that is not flat?

①

This world always makes people feel uncomfortable. Some people like animals, some people like being alone, and some people just don't like to be in contact with people. Over time, they will have their own little world.

likes to be different from others. What other people like, they will try their best to move closer to the other side, and their laughter is not high. When is misunderstood and excluded, laughter is their antidote.

In the heart, there is no great sadness and great joy, and little sadness and small joy will not show on the face, saying that it is not qualified to see through the red dust, sometimes I think that maybe death is the best result, but there are always so many temptations around, then So much reluctance, so many people who care, is very desperate .

What is even more desperate is that when you find that this is just the tip of the iceberg, not the whole world, this feeling of being out of tune with the world's and , usually is more difficult than the feeling of being abandoned by the world's .

②

I believe that many people have not seen " Metamorphoses " of Kafka , this is called "Metamorphosis" which is the masterpiece of literature of absurd school, the most absurd place is "people become bed bugs" "It leads to thinking, although it can never happen in real life, those who are out of tune with the world may be the "bug" described in "Metamorphosis".

"Metamorphoses" tells three stories

Part 1: The main character Gregor wakes up one morning and suddenly turns into an beetle , a change that makes a big difference for his family Change, just when he was terrified, depressed and helpless, his father not only did not comfort him, but also locked him in his bedroom.

Part II: Although the protagonist is a beetle in his living habits, he still has a human consciousness and is still worried about the family situation, including his father's debt problems, his sister's school problems, and all kinds of trivial matters. Sadly, the whole family of despised him and hated him just because he was a beetle.

Part 3: His favorite sister finally kicked him out of the house. The "beetle" suffered from family indifference and sickness. He fell to the ground full of guilt, and died silently. I miss them: Once upon a time, he was the eldest son, his parents praised him, and his sister loved him.

- boom! An apple "hit him in the back and sunk in", and the rotting apple was bound to Gregor until the end of his life.

The person who is "out of tune" with the world may be like a "beetle" being suppressed by "rotten apple" .

③

What kind of experience is it being out of tune with the world?

1. It's not because people do something wrong, it becomes something

Those who are out of tune with the world will never be able to find the answer: whether is out of tune with the world first and then feels the world becomes strange, or first feels strange and then becomes out of place.

Although

doesn't know what he did wrong, and he doesn't know when he has changed, but what he changed means what he did wrong.

A man saves a woman who commits suicide, two people fall in love, and a beetle saves a woman, not only will they not fall in love, but will also step on you. The world may have caused

to become a beetle, but it must not be his own choice. However, has to bear the consequences of becoming a beetle.

2. I think everything can be done well, but I don't want to do it well. In fact, I can't do it well at all.

In "Metamorphosis", the protagonist becomes a beetle and still has human thinking and ideas, but when he wants to become successful again Salesman, the boss did not reject him because of his ability to do things. rejects him simply because he is a "beetle".

So what is already painful, when others think you can't see it, will make you more painful. Similarly, what could have been done well, when others realize that you are "different", not only will they not doubt your ability, but will praise you, but they will not accept you.

After all these things, many people's "discomfort" has become stronger. When the boss invites you to be an assistant again one day, you may not want to be a "competent" assistant.

For example: I asked a friend to do me a favor, he always found reasons to shirk, waited for me to get through all the difficulties, he suddenly came to help me, I would ignore him at this time.

And this "he" is a person who is out of tune with the world .

As time goes by, I am more and more disgusted with " mask ", "life skills", "rules of the game", see but can't learn it, disdain it, can't adapt to it, nothing If I don’t want to fight, it doesn’t matter. As soon as I hear about the cooperation, I want to run away. As soon as I hear about the solo project, I immediately become enthusiastic.

In a two-person track and field competition, you are sure to win, but When you learn that the prize for the champion is a "mask", you may not have much interest in winning the championship.

People who are out of tune with the world can easily understand this feeling: even though they are a beetle, they still have the confidence to do a lot of things well. Unfortunately, beetles are beetles.

Once you feel that you are out of tune with the world, you will not have much enthusiasm to do a lot of things well. Once you can't do a lot of things well, you will have little enthusiasm left.

3. Neurosis

Kafka, the author of "The Metamorphosis", he has a very strong father, and he was very rough with him, so from his childhood, he was often in a state of tension and fear, this time The trauma caused by childhood shadow caused him to suffer from a relatively serious neurosis.

Therefore, he feels that he is out of tune with this world, and is full of vigilance and anxiety about this world.

Everyone's life is not smooth, there may be some good memories, and there may be bad memories. Psychologists believe that the pain experienced by in the early years will form a psychological shadow. You have grown up, but some pain will not be forgotten. You feel forgotten, but it reminds of its existence in various forms.

Among them, the most obvious manifestation of neurosis is:

Distrust

People who have betrayed or deceived in their early years will think that others are approaching them in order to hurt and use themselves.

Even in the most intimate love relationship, will focus on the negative side, will focus on betrayal and deceit, will lose trust in lovers, let alone others. Because of this distrust,

will have the idea of ​​leaving: abandons others first, and will not be abandoned by others.

intimately avoided

, which has been neglected for a long time, and its own emotional demands and physiological demands cannot be satisfied.

clearly wants to have a close person, but many times deliberately pushes away each other, is destined to be lonely anyway.

It is because of this "false alienation" that feels helpless: expressing his desire for love with superficial alienation.

Shame

In my early life, when I expressed my true feelings, I was ridiculed or even humiliated by others. After

grew up, this sense of shame has always restrained itself, and will lose face in whatever you do, is afraid that will make a fool of , thinks that it has defects, and does not deserve good feelings.

Because of this sense of shame, will have the idea of ​​"fear of making a fool of yourself": every time expresses her true feelings, others will laugh at it.

I have to say that neurosis "stretches" the distance between people and is the "culprit" of that causes a person to be out of tune with the world.

All in all, why do you feel out of tune with the world, the reason is: admits the world's perfection, but does not admit its own imperfection, and has the confidence not to admit it.

④

Where do people who are out of tune with this world go? A netizen on

Zhihu wrote such a story:

I moved from a small factory to a large factory. I am the youngest in the team with the least experience, the lowest education, the lowest income and the worst ability. Everyone treats me very much. is indifferent, therefore self-esteem and self-confidence suffers from setbacks, acts cautiously, and is most afraid of making a fool of himself.

I am a very thin person, I am not good at dealing with people, I am worried about others, I am afraid of being evaluated by , is afraid of being satirized by , and is afraid of being indifferent to .

It was late at night when I came home from overtime all day, and it was raining on the road. I looked at the warm yellow light of peeking out from the window at a high place, and burst into tears...

I was thinking, if I am an "outlier" of , and still can't have my own piece of warm yellow light, Well, it's time to make a change, because I really want to get this warm yellow light too.

After a fierce inner struggle, I forced myself to be thick-skinned, took the initiative to talk to people, boldly expressed my thoughts, and did not care about the ridicule of others, I became very confident and bold, in the process , I gradually broke the layer of "membrane" on my body and my heart. What surprised me about

was that in the days that followed, whether it was work or life, people around me began to help me and cared about me. Only then did I realize that turned out to be not what I thought they were.

They are really good, but I used to be inferior to to draw a line between us, and after crossing this line, I will find how beautiful people are, how beautiful the world is, and can integrate into this world Li, it feels so good!

⑤

In fact, Japanese scholar Hirano Yoshihiko believes that "beetles" in "Metamorphosis" If the protagonist becomes not an beetle, but a kitten and puppy, or flowers and plants, the alienation of 's family will not be enough to expose.

Most of the people who are incompatible with the world regard themselves as the "beetle", and the "beetle" itself is not attractive. If regards itself as a kitten and puppy, will not be scared. To others, it will not be frightened.

cats and dogs are naturally cute and will not be disgusting, so the intriguing question is: is out of tune with the world, is it our body or spirit?

The first reaction of many people is: the spirit of .

Zhuangzi wrote a story about a sow in " Deshangfu ".

A group of piglets were sucking the milk of a dead sow, then panicked and abandoned the sow and ran away.Piglets love their mother, not for the body, but for the spirit in the body. When the sow has just died, the milk is still warm in her body, so the piglets are still sucking. When the milk becomes cold, the piglets realize that the mother is dead and run away. It can be seen that the spirit is the most important factor in determining the body.

In " White Snake " , when White Snake changed back to White Snake , Xu Xian was scared to death, as a woman and as a white snake, her spirit did not change, Why does not recognize by Xu Xian?

Let's look at " Westward Journey ", Zixia 's soul has been transferred to the body of pig , even if supreme treasure knows, but still cannot look directly.

It can be seen that Spirit must be the most important factor in determining the body, but Physical activity is the most intuitive and effective way to communicate with the world.

This can also be explained: People all know that the spirit is important, but in real life, they still pay the most attention to the body, such as "appearance" and "body".

When mental control and physical activity are not at the same frequency, people and things will be awkward, sometimes conceited, sometimes inferior, sometimes confused, sometimes depressed, however, in the eyes of others, these are "unsocial", "not harmonious" ", "Out of tune".

alienates you because of the strangeness. At the same time, people hide themselves in order to avoid problems. As a result, the sense of distance becomes stronger and stronger: the world of always makes people feel uncomfortable.

Healthy spirit will also become unhealthy due to inappropriate physical behavior, so it will feel out of tune with the world .

⑥

Of course, although this feeling is very worrying, it is not difficult to solve it.

And there is only one solution: continuous initiative, initiative, and initiative.

is still the cliché of and , but it is definitely effective.

is like being integrated into a new group. It is enough to do this:

1. Actively help others People who help others will definitely get help from others, on the contrary, few people do not have the quality of gratitude. Therefore, even if provides help to others, even if he takes the initiative to pour a glass of water for him, he will remember it in his heart. If it is not possible, just two glasses, the purpose is to make him feel embarrassed, let him take the initiative to thank you, and take the initiative to approach you.

2. Take the initiative to speak

This initiative is not the other's initiative to speak, active speaking is not to let you eat melon seeds and gossip, but to cultivate an outgoing personality through active speaking, which will make people feel that being with you will not be boring.However, although initiative is the most important, you should also pay attention to the category, because if you talk about gossip all day long, others will give you the position of "eight woman", but if you always talk about some future ideals, others will give you a positive position. Therefore, say more words of energy, and through the approval of others, make yourself optimistic and cheerful.

3.Pay attention to politeness " hello ", "thank you" should be kept in mind, from the little details, people feel that they are very polite, after all, no one wants to associate with a rude person.

is still the same old-fashioned method, but it sure works.

In addition, there are 10,000 ways of can make your look brand new, is all about your want or not.

It is better to put on the mask and to join the crowded team instead of crying to others that he is a person who is "out of tune" with the world .

laughs when

is happy, crys when is sad, and becomes dry when is unhappy! In this world of , there are so many places that make people feel uncomfortable!

is "out of tune" with the world, where "out of place", you "show" one for us to see, we've never even heard of this! What kind of experience is

"out of tune" with the world, of course, it is an under-flat experience.

...I can't write anymore...

is still a commonplace method, but it is definitely effective.