Wen|Zhu Shenyong
Divorce is the progress of social civilization, a sign of women's awakening, and women's self-reliance, and truly become a feature of half the sky.
When I put forward this point of view, I received a lot of criticism. I once wrote an article on this subject, with nearly 3000 comments, and at least more than 2000 comments were all critics.
They criticize the increase in divorce rate, society will be unrest, families will be uneasy, and children will be unhealthy. This is the harshest point they put forward, and they still have a lot of abuse.
So, I think it is necessary to reiterate.
First, why is divorce a good thing for women?
This is based on our China's national conditions. For many years, women in China have been attached to and subordinate to men. It seems that they cannot live without men, and there is no way out without men.
As a result, a large number of women endure domestic violence in their marriage, endure betrayal, endure him not to go home, endure him not to bring children, endure him not to do housework, and most importantly, women cannot divorce.
is not that women are not allowed to end their marriages by law and law, but on the social and moral level, on the psychological level, and on the spiritual level to suppress these women, and continue to consume their youth and exhaustion in the raging, purgatory marriage Your own happiness is the real source of divorce.
Second, does divorce really endanger the prosperity of society? Will it really endanger social stability?
Not at all.
Many people say that there are so many bachelors in society who cannot marry a wife, what should we do?
Many people say that so many poor people in society cannot marry a wife, what should we do?
Many people say, what should I do after divorce?
You are a bachelor, can't you marry a divorced woman?
You are poor, do you want to marry a god? Do you want to marry a swan? There is a problem with your idea.
What class you are, what level you are, what type of woman you marry.
Women are tall and tall, and women are beautiful women. You have to use these external things to judge whether a woman is suitable for being a wife. Then, you deserve to be single, you deserve to be poor and you can't marry a wife.
Everyone has to take what they need, don't skip layers.
The stability of society comes from the happiness of every people, how every people manage their own family, how to deal with the conflicts between husband and wife, how to deal with mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship, father-in-law relationship, parent-child relationship, this is the real The core, rather than not letting women divorce.
After a woman is divorced, liberated, the bachelor army can marry those divorced women.
You have to have that backward, ignorant, and stupid thinking, for example, I want to marry a virgin.
You can’t even compare to ancient people or animals. Have you ever heard of an animal that has to reproduce with a female that has never bred.
Only a backward, stupid, weak, arrogant man like you would say, "You want to marry a virgin".
A broad-minded man, a capable man, doesn’t care if this woman is a virgin, but if she will be happy with herself, but if she will be happy with herself. Running a family is concerned with whether everyone is loyal to each other after marriage.
Those backward, ignorant, stupid, and mentally weak men want to marry a virgin. In essence, he feels that this woman has never experienced another man before and will treat him as a god. This is what they think.
These men cannot marry a wife, and he is not happy to marry a wife.
Third, after the divorce, will the child be fine?
What children need is the love of loving, happy, and powerful parents, or family love, and this kind of love is predictable, lasting, and will not change.
If a child lives in an unfortunate family, he will have problems when he lives in a family with no warmth.
Professor Li Meijin, a well-known criminal psychologist in China, interviewed a large number of criminals, and a large amount of data proved that those criminals had not received the care of their parents in the family since they were young.
Letting children grow up in a sad marriage and family is a crime against children.
We cannot all blame the original family, it is also related to his self-correction ability.
The native family is only one part of it. The parents’ upbringing is part of him, the school and society’s education is part of him, and the most important thing is the person himself.
He has power, and he develops toward the sun. This is the most important thing.
Whether a family is good or not will affect 50%-60% of the children's growth, which already accounts for a large part, because when the children are minors, they are ignorant, and they will get what you instill.
An unhappy family can cause more damage to children than divorce.
Divorce representatives say NO to a bad life, divorce represents the pursuit of happiness, divorce represents the power to break new paths, divorce is because I don’t want to live in such a bad environment, I want to fight, I want to find a way, I To act.
This is a positive, powerful and energetic demonstration that divorce really brings to children.
Divorced mothers can tell their children that marriage is unfortunate and we have to get out of the quagmire. We should not fall into this quarrel. This is really beneficial to the children.
Divorce can also cause some problems for children, mainly whether parents can handle these problems.
When some parents are divorced, they say to their children, "It's all because of you and because you are not obedient." It is obviously your responsibility as adults, but you let the children bear it.
After the divorce, some parents said to their children, "We have no way out, we have to depend on each other, and we are abandoned by your father", causing secondary harm to the children.
After divorce, many parents sever their mother-child relationship, sever their father-daughter relationship.
These are the real harm that divorce brings to children.
Fourth, what bad impressions do divorce bring?
Everyone feels that divorced women are not good. They are abandoned by their husbands and losers. This is to put such a hat on all women.
They never thought that marriage is managed by two people, and marriage is dependent on two people giving and satisfying each other.
Now more and more women file for divorce, because I am dissatisfied, because I think this man is not worthy of my husband, because the husband has no contribution in the family.
If you want love but no love, you want money and no money, you want time and no time, you want him to do housework, he doesn't do housework, he wants to take care of children, but he doesn’t take care of children, why do you want a man like this?
Marriage is functional. Marriage must achieve social, economic, sexual, psychological, parenting, support, spiritual mentor, and partner functions...
Marriage must achieve a large number of functions As a man, you don’t have so many functions in marriage. You still don’t allow women to divorce. What qualifications do you have?
Women file for divorce not because women are bad. A large number of facts prove that most divorces are caused by men who do badly. Even a large number of women betrayed and men did not do well.
Whether it is marriage or extramarital relationship, it has a two-way effect.
Divorce is a correction of marriage, and divorce also gives us a new way out.
Marriage itself is a dynamic development, marriage is not static.
In each stage of marriage, we humans have their own needs, we humans also have their own bottlenecks and limitations.
On the road to marriage, we encountered various troubles, frustrations, crises, extramarital relationships, bankruptcy, children’s education, and even everyone’s psychological problems.So do we have to divorce? no.
Together, we must be able to overcome these difficulties together.
Fifth, under what circumstances can we divorce?
is not a random problem, because you squeeze toothpaste to get a divorce, because you can't afford a house, and because your child can't go to a prestigious school to get a divorce.
I proposed that there are five criteria for divorce. After you evaluate the five criteria, you will know where your marriage should go.
1. Do you have a relationship foundation in the past?
2. After marriage, have your relationship, married life, career development, and individual development been developed?
After getting married, you have a more miserable life than in the past. If you are married, it is better to live alone. Why do you want this marriage?
3. How satisfied are you in your marriage?
After getting married, you are uncomfortable in your marriage and you are very aggrieved, so why do you want this marriage?
4. Marriage encounters a crisis of conflict, can you solve it?
For example, extramarital relationships, debts, do you have the ability to solve them? Do you have a solution?
Are these problems because of your limitations that cannot be resolved, or are you using a third-party organization, or are you unable to resolve them?
These problems always exist in marriages, and they continue to torture people. No matter what you do, they can't be solved. Why do you want this marriage?
5. Under the current situation, do you have any intention to continue such a marriage?
Some people are determined to divorce,He has moved out for a year or five years. What do you want this marriage for? What are you doing with him?
You don't need such a marriage, you need to get divorced firmly.
Finally, divorce for women is a manifestation of social civilization and social progress. It allows women to find a new way out, and it also allows children to have a new environment and new possibilities. Divorce also allows both parties to be happy.
Author: Zhu Yong body, Fudan MBA, marriage management school founder, author of the bestseller "affair governance"
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