article | Yueban Yueyue
After watching the "Bottom Line" remake of "The Moving Girl Jumps the Car Case", I couldn't calm down for a long time.
In fact, no matter whether the plot is restored or the magical adaptation is made up, I feel quite sympathetic to that girl.
We who are out of the matter certainly think that her behavior of jumping off the car is too paranoid and excessive, but as long as we understand the public security situation and reputation of the crime site, we can understand why she took the risk to jump off the car after sensing the danger.
Of course, is it because the girl is too paranoid or the driver is maliciously lying? I don't want to do too much discussion here.
After all, the judicial department has made a judgment based on the existing evidence, so everyone should have a different opinion.
However, I deeply think that the fundamental reason for the disaster of Xie Ling, the moving girl in the play, and the truck driver Fu Dalong, is the tragedy caused by two people who are emotionally unstable and have no ability to "control anger" and are not in the situation of poor communication!
01. The cause of moving tragedy.
Originally, whether it was for the employer Xie Ling or the driver Fu Dalong, this was just a simple move that was not worth mentioning.
Kefu Dalong rushed to the community every second, Xie Ling's pile of luggage was still stacked on the steps. He was angry and didn't come forward to help carry the luggage. Xie Ling saw that the driver did not say anything and stood by and watched.
So, there was the first conflict between the two.
In fact, if Xie Ling sincerely wants to ask Fu Dalong for help, as long as she speaks softer and has a better attitude towards asking for help, Fu Dalong may not decisively refuse her, and even asks for a fee of 20 yuan.
But how did Xie Ling do it?
Not only did she be arrogant, but she also spoke extremely meanly. She looked arrogant to the truck driver Fu Dalong. She obviously asked someone for help, but she didn't even look at him at him, and she even shouted at him.
In this case, let alone Fu Dalong who was anxious to wait, he would not feel comfortable if he was treated like this.
. In Fu Dalong's view, Xie Ling is so arrogant and harsh, she looks down on herself as a rough person who is uneducated and can only do rough work.
So, after Xie Ling refused the 20 yuan transport fee, he really stood by the side as if no one was around, and forced her to move all her luggage by herself.
The result is that Xie Ling, who is paranoid, believes that she has been troubled by Fu Dalong, so she cleverly pinched the time with him, making him wait for thirty-nine minutes, less than a minute away from the platform's charging standard. She not only questioned his charging standard, but also sarcastically disgusted him.
In this way, she used the rules and terms set by the platform to perfectly delay Fu Dalong's order, which not only vented her dissatisfaction with the services he provided, but also made him unable to express his pain.
So, the conflict between the two was intensified again.
Fu Dalong, who was not good at speaking, was resentful of Xie Ling's intentional delay and was anxious to get a order. He chose to deviate without discussing with her.
His original intention is to save some time by catching shortcuts and speeding, even if it can only be shortened by four minutes.
As a result, Xie Ling noticed something was wrong from the speed of the car, and accidentally discovered that the truck's route had deviated from the navigation route. Thinking of the conflict between the two, she became more and more uneasy.
For a moment, Xie Ling had a misunderstanding about Fu Dalong's destiny. In addition, a single woman was afraid of a strange route, so she asked him sharply why he was destined and argued with him irritably and asked him to stop.
But at this time, Fu Dalong was so angry that he couldn't breathe his anger because of her previous attitude and didn't want to pay attention to her at all.
So, he impatiently explained to Xie Ling that "this road is close" and chose to be cold and violent towards her. Not only did he not mean to slow down and stop, he also stepped on the accelerator and drove the car up.
truck was driving on a remote and dark road. Coupled with Fu Dalong's ignorance, Xie Ling's fear was also magnified to the extreme. She thought he was going to plot against him, so she threatened him to stop by jumping the car.
However, at that time, Fu Dalong was thinking about ending this order quickly so that he could take the next order to earn money to support his family. Even if he heard her threat, he was not moved at all except for feeling that this woman was "ill", and he didn't believe that she would really jump off the car. After
, Xie Ling really lost control and chose to jump out of the car. Only then did he show such an incredible expression. He never thought she would be so extreme.
Unfortunately, after Xie Ling rolled to the ground, she hit the stone in a very unlucky way. After two rescues failed, she died. A young life stayed on the road to moving forever.
is like this, a tragedy that should not have happened and should have been avoided, and it was caused by by chance !
02. Misunderstanding of staleness.
The Rashomon version of the car jump case in "Bottom Line", most people only focus on who is right and who is wrong.
But from beginning to end, all I saw was the "anger" and "resentment" in the girl and the driver. The root of this tragedy was also very obvious, that is, neither of them had the corresponding ability to "control anger".
The most obvious thing is that when the contradictions intensify repeatedly, neither of them suppress their anger, but instead stands on their own positions, makes wrong judgments on the reality in front of them with rigid thinking, and even lets their emotions get out of control without restraint, and ultimately performs irrational behavior.
Let’s start with Xie Ling, the girl who moved.
In fact, since she met the driver Fu Dalong, she had inexplicably entered a state of anger, with her attitude and tone very unfriendly.
People who have moved may understand this somewhat, because they are afraid that the driver will ask for a lot of prices, so many people will show off their aura that looks very difficult to mess with, trying to shock the other party.
After all, Xie Ling is a girl's house and moves alone at night. She always feels a little scared. Her hostile arrogance may also be a self-protection mechanism launched in the face of strangers.
Besides, is she really missing that 20 yuan?
Judging from the community she rented and her clothes, it was obviously not. She refused to pay for transportation. Maybe she just felt that the charging standards were a trick and she didn't want to be a sucker.
Judging from her arrogant attitude, she may also feel that she has paid for the moving house, so the driver should provide luggage handling services.
Although 20 yuan is not much, it may be her usual two cups of milk tea.
But from her perspective, the driver's unfounded charging requirements are simply unreasonable, and it is like a disguised blackmail that makes her reluctant to pay and save energy.
After all, her reason is also very tenable. Her money is not caused by a strong wind. Why should we encourage this kind of unhealthy trend?
As for her attitude, she is really boring, and she even deliberately delays and makes things difficult for the driver. Although it is a bit too much, it is all her legal rights and interests. Since it has not exceeded the timeout, it is not considered a violation.
However, if she really meets someone who is serious, her paranoid behavior may be a bit dangerous, and she herself knows this very well, so she will be afraid to lose her mind when she notices the danger later.
Look at Fu Dalong again, he actually has no motive for killing.
I don’t know whether it is reasonable for him to ask Xie Ling for 20 yuan for the transport fee, but his psychology when he offered this price was actually very unbalanced.
He felt that a rich man like Xie Ling lived in a high-end community and dressed in "beautiful mountains and rivers", but he was still petty about the mere 20 yuan, which was just stingy and unkind for wealth.
And his "risk of wealth" mentality is a big taboo in the service industry.
However, he, a middle-aged man with a seriously ill old man and a school girl, has long been a mess, and he is carrying a heavy burden that ordinary people can imagine. It is not easy to support his family, and he is inevitably eager to make money.
For him, time is money.
He saw that Xie Ling had a bad attitude and deliberately delayed his time. His resentment turned into anger. When he got emotional, he breathed rapidly, his face turned red, and his mouth was so clumsy that he could not fully express his meaning, and the communication between the two also caused obstacles.
So, there is an unclear yaw event.
As for the truck's stalemate, Xie Ling felt that the driver's plan was abusing himself to retaliate against his previous behavior, and even killed money.
But in Fu Dalong's view, Xie Ling's threat of jumping off the car was just continuing to make trouble. No one with a little brain would take it seriously. He was still immersed in anger and did not pay enough attention to it.
As a result, two people who have no malicious intentions towards each other have caused a series of misunderstandings because they will not suppress the anger in their hearts!
03. Disaster thinking.
Now, afterwards, we, of course, feel that this tragedy can be avoided.
However, if you analyze the psychology of the two parties in depth, you will find that judging from the bad emotions of the two at that time, such an ending is indeed inevitable.
Here, we have to mention a psychological term - "catastrophic thinking".
This is a thinking tendency to expand the severity of events. The biggest feature is to "magnify" and "shrink" the problem, which is specifically manifested as habitually magnifying certain facts either too enlarge or too narrowing.
Like Xie Ling's extreme performance before jumping off the car, it is undoubtedly a concrete image of an expanded catastrophic thinking.
Under the influence of this kind of thinking, she made unreasonable speculation and over-interpretation of Fu Dalong's stale behavior, imagining an event that did not happen as a catastrophic event, and believed it without doubt.
In this way, she is like using a magnifying glass to see the problem, and a small problem will become very serious. This cognitive bias of
made her already bad emotions worse, and she fell into constant negative emotions such as negativity and anger. The remaining reason gradually became chaotic, which led to the extreme.
This kind of unreasonable malicious speculation of others with the worst is what we often call "dirty paranoia".
Driven by this paranoia, we always speculate that others' behaviors and motivations are bad, believing that the world is full of hostility, deception and evil towards ourselves, and will be angry about it, so we will be on guard and guard against it everywhere.
In fact, as long as she can control her anger, stabilize her emotions when she detects the threat, calm down and take positive actions, and maximize the ease of tension and conflicts between the two sides. Even if she still has poor communication with Fu Dalong, there are many other ways to protect herself.
Even though, the worst case happened in the end. After Fu Dalong was angry with her, he really made a mistake in her and she was not completely unable to fight back.
After all, she has not lost her freedom. She has phone in hand, so she will always call the police, right? No matter what, it is not like to commit irreversible violent acts such as jumping off the car when extreme anger is out of control.
Here, I would like to advise all people with bad tempers and unstable emotions: when they are irritable, please "control their anger", and when they are weak, please give in!
You should know that harmony makes money, resentment makes disasters, and anger can be the most bad thing.
As for Xie Ling's tragedy, the greatest warning that we can give us is that in the event of trouble, in addition to suppressing anger and maintaining a peaceful and stable mindset, we must also cultivate our anti-catastrophic thinking to avoid falling into chaos due to irresistible anger.
Moreover, after having anti-catastrophic thinking, we must also have the foresight to avoid risks, make full use of various interpersonal relationships and communication equipment to protect ourselves, and do not put ourselves in an isolated situation.
Of course, the most important thing is to treat your emotions well, try to be less angry, and treat others, you might as well be less attacking and arrogance, and have more trust and understanding!
