Welcome to , Listen to other people’s stories and realize your own life!
Example background
The first part, netizens consult background
Introduction
It’s hard to get married until you get divorced!
Today’s consultation case is a typical case of divorce caused by drinking too much chicken soup!
Next, I will briefly describe the background of the consultation in the first person, and then give my response suggestions!
background statement
My husband and I have been married for over ten years.
He was very poor at the time. I just married him because I looked at others and had a high degree of education.
After marrying him, I suffered a lot!
Afterwards, life was better, and I also gave birth to a son and a daughter!
But in the fourth year of marriage, he actually did something to me in a quarrel!
I was aggrieved and separated from him for about a year.
Later I came to see that his attitude of admitting his mistake was very sincere, and we still had children, so we got back together!
But he beat me, I have no feelings for him!
So after the recombination, I love myself more, and I have very little affection for my family!
So, I am very indifferent to him, and I don’t get along well with the members of his family!
But our business is pretty good,We have a house and a car, and we bought two sets of the house!
But this year his parents will not help us with children. I am really angry. I think their parents do not understand that it is not easy for us to make money!
So in April this year, after I found out that my child was chatting with grandma on WeChat, I scolded the child!
My husband said that I shouldn't, and I also know that adults can't let children do this, I didn't handle it properly!
In May of this year, my husband asked me to borrow money and said that he wanted to buy a car, but I did not promise him! He is even more indifferent to me!
In June of this year, I couldn't stand the indifference of my husband, so I filed for a divorce!
As a result, he agreed to divorce after drinking the next day, and said that he must leave! After the divorce, I gave me both the house and the car, and he went out of the house, and the two children were raised together!
So we started to separate.
I signed up to Marriage.com when I was angry, and once my husband came to my room to pick up the charger and saw ambiguous words sent to me by someone!
My husband told me that if this is the case, then he will have his own way!
I felt very speechless, so I said: "If you don't chat with me, I can't chat with others!"
Since then, my husband stopped communicating with me and said that he would wait for the next year to move to a new house and arrange for the children to study Then take the divorce certificate!
This situation has been around for several months!
Brother Seven, I read your work and think you are right. What do you think I should do now?
Analysis suggestion
The second part, analysis suggestion
This is the consultation background of this netizen, my reply is as follows:
Thank you for your attention and trust!
After reading your consultation,I'm blunt, if you think I misunderstood you, delete me!
The first part, recognize the responsibility
Let’s start with the conclusion: You should take the main responsibility for the discord between your family!
You were divorced once because of domestic violence. You didn't describe it in detail, but just said that you got back together because of your child and other reasons!
So I think that since this matter has passed, we should let it pass!
But you are not like that!
In fact, since is compounded, we should let it go! You know this truth, but you are not reconciled!
This emotion is the driving force behind everything that happens behind you!
1. Your subconscious mind is a revenge mentality
It may be because in the first recombination process, certain people and certain things did not make you completely comfortable, or it may be that you are habitually holding revenge!
So on the one hand, you choose to remarry after weighing the pros and cons, on the other hand, you are brooding!
You said that you lost feelings with your husband after being domestically abused, but in fact, this is just your own statement, but in essence, you have a revenge mentality!
Because you usually treat your family indifferently, even if they care about you, you can hardly be moved!
It's not that there is no feelings, this is that you have not let go, this is that you have a grudge!
So you will even subconsciously refuse to accept the kindness of your family!
Even you take it for granted to be nice to you, you think they owe you it!
You said, your mentality, is it more accurate to have no feelings or a retaliatory mentality?
You should know:
Live family life with revenge,What you plant is the seed of evil, how can it be possible to reap the fruit of good?
2. The human heart is always fleshy, so don’t do to others what you don’t want to do. You must compare your heart to your heart!
After remarriage, you said that you chose to love yourself more and give less affection to your family!
Then compare your heart to your heart. How can you gain care and love by doing this?
I will say bluntly, this kind of statement of yours is only from your own standpoint, as long as it is not your standpoint, this sentence should be:
This person is very selfish and indifferent to the family!
3. Planting melons to get melons, sowing beans to get beans!
You are lonely inside, the life of your husband and wife is super disharmonious, and your relationship with family members is not good!
All these problems are due to your own practice!
Think about it for yourself, a selfish and indifferent person, can you treat her well?
So you must remember: Everything in the world is reflected from your heart into reality!
Please pay attention to
4. You have to consider whether your original family has a great influence on you?
Do you already have a house and a car, or two houses. You have been married for nearly ten years. This year his parents didn't help you with your children. You are still very angry about this? Even because of this, in April you made a move to not allow your children to contact your grandparents!
If your native family knew about this, did not criticize you severely, and did not make you apologize, then your native family’s family style is a big problem! ! !
Because this is contrary to our country's most basic tradition of respecting the old and loving the young, and filial piety!
This is definitely not a simple sentence for you to deal with improperly!
You know you are wrong,But you don't know the seriousness of this error!
Grandpa and grandma have brought their children for nearly ten years, and you actually let the children act to ignore them, are you personally instigating your children to be white-eyed wolves?
You have to say this sentence several times: A good woman can prosper for three generations!
You have children and daughters. Your husband’s parents have helped you bring your children for nearly ten years. They didn’t bring them when you saw your conditions are good. You will know in the future that you have this kind of parents that you cultivated in your previous life. What a blessing!
It's a pity that you don't know how to be grateful, you only know how to get it!
Especially if you instigate your children, this is destroying the family tradition!
In May or May, your husband asked you to borrow money to buy a trolley, but you refused!
Ask two questions:
1. Who is using your current car?
2. Is the family's expenditure the main ? Your husband is responsible for it?
You didn't elaborate on this point, but if you love yourself to an ridiculous degree, I think it is most likely that you are the main driver of the car, and your husband is mainly responsible for household expenses!
If this is the case, it is inevitable that your husband will be more indifferent to you!
Please follow
6. Aggressive
In June, because you felt that your husband was indifferent, you filed for a divorce, and your husband said that after drinking the next day that he must leave, he said that the house and the car will belong to you. , He went out of the house, and both sides raised the children together.
So it should be seen from here that in the fifth question, the car should be mainly used by you, right?
The reason for your divorce is your husband's indifference!
You only did such unkind things in April and May, can your husband not be indifferent?
Is he a tool man? Is he flesh and blood?
Or, give a reason for yourself, for example, you know who can do this?
On the contrary, if your husband does this, what do you think of a man who asks his wife to borrow money and disagrees, but also accompanies his wife to scold his parents?
Let me tell you: If he is really not indifferent, and he is enthusiastic about you, I think you should be afraid, afraid!
7. There may be something wrong with your psychology, and you are losing your basic judgment ability!
When you separate within marriage, you register on Marriage.com. Someone sends you an ambiguous message. Your husband has seen it, so he asked for a divorce as soon as possible!
After you know, tell me if you don't chat with me, I can't chat with others yet!
These actions and words of yours, I don't want to judge too much, you have to ask your heart seriously!
My conclusion is: Not only did you do something wrong, but you also violated morals!
If you think what I said is not right, then it should be your life under your revenge mentality over the years, causing your mental problems!
Because of your strong self-maintenance emotions, you may increase your selfishness and even gradually lose your basic judgment ability!
Please follow me, thank you!
8. Real divorce, you should be afraid!
Ten years ago, when you married your husband, you were an unmarried woman!
all your excellence plus youth,Plus you gave birth to a son and a daughter, these are the root causes of your husband's acceptance and tolerance for your shortcomings!
If you are really divorced, you should take the main responsibility!
Because of the disagreement between husband and wife, it is mainly because of your revenge and selfish indifference!
You also took the initiative to file for a divorce, and the actions that aggravated the possibility of divorce were all you did!
You are really divorced, you have completed the revenge process!
But what you give is your youth!
What you will pay is to put yourself in a ruthless situation!
You have children and daughters, selfish and indifferent, and unable to accommodate others will hardly support you to enter into marriage again!
You may have a love affair, but when others find that you are in this state, you will face escape or even calculation!
So you may even have to pay the price of loneliness for a lifetime!
The most distressing thing, you also personally changed your child's life into a difficult mode!
If your child has a bad future because of this, then your old age may really be unhappy!
Please follow me, thank you!
The second part, analyze your husband's mentality
The amount of information you provided is insufficient, but I can still feel your husband's desperate mentality!
What makes your husband truly desperate is the Marriage Network Incident!
When your husband and you talked about each other, he hoped that you could explain and he could step down!
As a result, you said: If you don't chat with me, I can't chat with others yet!
When you said this, your husband gave up in despair!
But:
If your husband has not yet found someone,Still healing, you still have a chance!
Because you have a good husband, you have the last chance!
If you miss this opportunity and wait for your husband to be with someone else, then with your husband’s tolerant and responsible character, when he feels that other women bring him the unique femininity, you may be Powerless!
Please follow me, thank you!
Part III, my suggestion
1. recommends that you find a professional psychological institution for self-knowledge consultation. You need psychological correction;
2. strive for more for yourself的时间
You have agreed to divorce when you move to a new house next year. You can postpone the moving time as appropriate and give yourself more time!
If you reach a certain level, you can send my work "The Hidden Harm of Divorce" to your husband. Your husband is highly educated and will definitely think about this issue calmly!
3. You have to learn the ability to love
You can start loving with your own children, you have to learn to love!
Loving your child is not simply buying things for the child, just take the child to play!
You have to find the psychological feeling of loving your child!
For example, when you look at the little face of your child asleep, a kind of maternal tenderness emerges spontaneously, and you have a feeling of willingness to do everything for your child!
Let me tell you, loving others is a very happy thing in itself!
At the same time, you have to find the happiness of being loved among the children who love you..
You have to know that others will love you because you will love others!
You must find your ability to love from loving and being loved by children!
4. You have to learn empathy
I suggest you go to the hospital to see, especially those who are single in the hospital, you feel the suffering; you can also go to the nursing home to see the widowed elderly and feel lonely!
These experiences can increase your empathy!
These experiences can give you a deep understanding that people will always be old and sick!
After you know what it is like when people are sick and old, and what kind of care they need, it will be easier for you to gain empathy!
5. After completing the previous preparations, I suggest that you and your husband make a reconciliation under the intervention of a psychologist. This time, the reconciliation must be thorough!
Because only in this way can you truly have love and a rich and happy home!
Please follow me, thank you!
Concluding remarks
My reply may make you feel uncomfortable, but please believe that faithful advice is good for action!
It's been ten years, even if it's revenge, it's almost the same!
Don't always take the past mistakes, keep punishing yourself now!
You must listen to your advice, you must know yourself well, love your family well, and live your prosperous and happy life well!
you have seen it all here, so please follow, like, comment, repost come! Thank you!
.
