A visitor left a message in the background and asked me: "How should I get along with a man so that he can love you more and more?"
This is really asking the right person! I'm very good at this question!
I am studying male psychology every day, so I will present to you the super hard-core teasers that I have summed up with countless successful cases in the past ten years!
I have always likened the process of flirting to buying a lottery ticket. Think about it, if you bought a lottery ticket for two dollars, would you always wonder if you would win the lottery? I think the probability is very small, because even if I don’t win the lottery, I only lose 2 yuan, and I can still be excited and excited when the lottery is drawn.
Getting along with men is also a reason, but why can't many girls do it? Not only did they give everything in their relationship, they made a lot of sacrifices, but they didn't get anything. It's getting more and more dull, and even in exchange for the ending of derailment.
Don't rush to blame men, maybe you have been brainwashed by the poisonous chicken soup in society.
Do you think that men's attitudes towards you have changed a lot:
"Everyone says that men are big pigs' hooves, but it's true! I promised to love me for a lifetime, but I still can't change the stinky habit of liking the new and disliking the old. It was agreed that in order to keep out the wind and rain, in the end, all the storms were brought by him!"
"He was very attentive when chasing me, the two of us seemed to have endless things to say, even when he was taking a shower and driving a car. He would reply to my news in seconds, and as a result, after catching up, the situation changed completely. Every day I took the initiative to care about him, but he always ignored him."
This is a true portrayal of many girls in their emotionally dull period. They always complain to me, saying that all the people they meet are scumbags and scumbags. In fact, you really misunderstood!
There is a very popular saying on the Internet: "Those who want to take you home will drop by, and those who like you will be available 24 hours a day. "meaning: , if he likes you, he must give up his life and surround you all day long, no matter if he is free or not, he needs to be on call.
This is simply a new type of PUA, but exaggerated The thing is, almost all girls take these poisonous chicken soup as the standard for evaluating their boyfriends:
- You didn't reply to my news in time, you just don't love me!
- You used to be very attentive to me, but now you are more and more perfunctory, and sure enough Men will change, nothing is good!
Let me be fair, Actually, in the eyes of men, being able to accompany you and chat with you really has nothing to do with "love or not", neither does he I thought that I must show loyalty by "circling around you".
Because a man is a hunter by nature, it is not that he does not love you anymore, but he relaxes his vigilance after getting it, and wants to live in a relaxed and comfortable atmosphere. .
But women are different. You are more and more used to his company and have higher expectations for him.
One of you wants to rest, and the other wants to ask for it, so conflicts will gradually arise, and feelings will be like this step by step Begin to disintegrate.
Finished, let's talk about our misunderstanding of men, let's talk about women's misunderstanding of ourselves.
Most women have a common problem, they are not bad for men, but too good for men, so they often encounter such confusion: " Why do I pay so much, and he doesn't know how to be grateful? "
why?
This is a typical emotional cognition error. If one party's contribution exceeds the other party's for a long time, then your emotional needs will have a step difference.
The more you pay, the more eager you are for return; and because the other party has less investment, so he expects less, and what you bring him has far exceeded his imagination, so he will start to rationalize himself: " I don't need to continue to increase Her contribution, after all, I can easily get it now without any effort. "
Therefore, the matter of love is the same thing as doing business. The more I invest, the more I am reluctant to lose it give up. Similarly, if you want a man to love you more and more, you can't do without investment, because it is difficult to get away only if you pay more.
This point can be applied whether it is pursuit or recovery, or long-term relationship.
Investment is mainly divided into the following aspects:
- Time investment
- Emotional investment
- Material investment
- Emotional investment
- Time investment
Time is priceless, youth is limited, and neither man nor woman can afford it.
I have encountered such a case, the visitor and her boyfriend have been in love for three years, and the relationship has been very stable, but the boyfriend has not proposed the idea of marriage, she asked me for help, and I said one word: " drags ."
She asked me curiously, isn't it more hopeless if you drag on?
I said, there is no big problem with your own feelings, men just can't make up their minds and are afraid of taking on the pressure of reality. But he has already invested a lot of time for you invisibly.
You just need to do what you need to do, continue to maintain your emotional state, and give him a little time, because when he looks at all the peers around him After getting married and having children, the elderly in the family began to urge him, so he naturally recognized it.
It can also be explained by the "sunk cost" in economics, The longer he spends with you, the more energy he puts on you. On the body, there will definitely be a sense of dependence. Sometimes there is no need for women to threaten or cry, because no one is willing to give up and spend so much effort to maintain the feelings.
- Emotional investment
What is emotional investment? A simple example, many women pick up their mobile phones over and over again, anxiously waiting for a man's reply, this is your emotional investment in him.
There are many kinds of emotions, such as: happy, embarrassed, anticipation, doubt, surprise, curiosity , worry about gain and loss, etc. As long as you make a behavior to mobilize his emotions, it is called emotional investment.
There is a careful trick called " treat his contribution as a reward to him ", for example, you want a man to do it for you One thing, but he rejected you very directly, because he felt that is just his one-sided payment, and it does not benefit him at all.
But if we can change his subconscious, let him feel that his own Giving is not just doing things for you, but getting an opportunity to please you, and he will inadvertently invest emotionally in you.
For example, when a man wants to invite you to dinner, you can lead a wave:
"I'll give you a little benefit at that time"
"What benefit?"
"Come pick up the goddess from get off work!" Haha, this is a chore, and it's also called a welfare"
"You actually said that, I don't take a man's car easily"
"Okay, I must satisfy the goddess"
In this way, you can mobilize through the "little welfare" A man's emotions make him go from curiosity → anticipation → unforgettable, and experience a feeling like riding a roller coaster. Then the longer the time, the more he wants to continue to give and get recognition from you.
- Material investment
Every time I see something like this on the Internet: If you don't receive transfers and gifts on Valentine's Day, don't contact me, such a man doesn't love you at all!
I am full of question marks. Is the standard for measuring men by transfers and gifts? Is this treating a man as a fool or treating himself as a fool?
No wonder there are always men who buy a few cups of milk tea and send a few red envelopes to be regarded as true love by women, because you marked the price here yourself, it is difficult for you to get better treatment, because men are already testing I have figured out your bottom line, you are so easy to get, I don't need to bother.
Therefore, a really smart woman in should learn to be small and broad, and only by paying first and then asking for it, can she obtain longer-term benefits.
Let me tell you a true story. It comes from my good friend Yu Huan. She said that once, she and her boyfriend went to eat hot pot in the winter. While waiting for the bus by the roadside, her face turned red when her boyfriend saw her. He said that he would go to the mall opposite to buy a scarf for her, but she said, "No, I'll get in the car later, I don't want to spend your money."
Not only did she not accept his gift, but she took the initiative to I gave him a power bank, because she found that his mobile phone was draining very fast while eating, and a power bank was only a few dozen yuan, but when her boyfriend received it, he was surprised and speechless: "Why did you send it all of a sudden? I have this? I have it at home." She said, "The one I gave is definitely different. I also put a sticker on it to remind you to take it with you when you go out, lest someone worry about losing contact."
Since then, her boyfriend can't wait Doted on her, she never asked for any gifts, but every day she received gifts softly, she often said with a smile: ", my boyfriend gave me a lipstick that day, and he was afraid that I would not like it, so he asked All the colleagues around him are quite cute. "
Therefore, wants men to invest material for you, gifts and red envelopes are just a way of expression, not love itself. More importantly, did he put you in his heart when he invested in you, and put his heart into making you like him?
- Emotional investment
I really feel sorry for those girls who gave their hearts in their relationship, but ended up being slapped on the butt by a scumbag and left, so wants a man to be inseparable from you, so you shouldn’t just be content with the ambiguity in front of you, It is essential for him to give his sincerity.
This is also a word I often say: heart anchor .
For example, you like to use Oulong's perfumes, and one of them smells very similar to orange.Then you can use this perfume from the moment you touch him, and tell him: "You smell it, it doesn't smell like a big orange has just been cut open."
This is A simple heart anchor, when the other party sees and smells oranges, they will think of you. There are many similar examples in
. For example, when Li Xiaoyao and Zhao Linger had a conflict in the past when they watched Legend of the Sword and Fairy, as long as they scratched their noses, everything was relieved.
The more heart anchors between you, the more he will inadvertently remember the good times with you.
Finally, I would like to tell you, what are people most afraid of?
Fear of having and losing.
The easiest and most efficient way to intimacy is to follow human nature.
The more you guide him to invest, the more he will be inseparable from you, and in order to maintain the relationship, he will continue to increase his chips.
I wish everyone to be that smart and calm woman who knows what she wants and how to give and take from him.
And his love for you will not decrease, only stronger.
Psychological test: test what your ex wants to say to you the most
1. Do you quarrel over trivial matters when you are together?
Yes, often tired - 2
Rarely quarrel over petty things - 2
Occasionally, but reconciles quickly - 3
2. Do you think you are someone who likes self-reflection and is willing to correct mistakes?
is -3
is not -4
3. Will TA take the initiative to tell you its troubles?
often say -5
not to say -4
4. Would you tell your parents about your love process?
I often complain about my parents -6
Occasionally they will say something when they ask -5
I hardly say anything, nothing to say -5
5. How much effort are you willing to spend to get what you want?
Everything happens, what is mine is mine after all—7
Work hard, maybe you will succeed—6
Do your best, I will get everything I want—B
6. Did you break up because there was a third party?
Yes—A
No—7
7. Has the other party contacted you after the breakup?
Yes—D
No—C
The full version of the test questions and answers can be obtained by private message
I am Yuchen, an emotional consultant, and I know more than you think. If you have emotional confusion, you can send a private message or comment for consultation.
