When I was in elementary school, I was particularly envious of a classmate because her mother was the head teacher of the next class.
The reason why she envies her is very simple, because she can do things we can't do casually.
For example:
She is very familiar with the teachers in the school and can even call them uncles and aunts in private.
She is often called by teachers to help with work, and she can go to and from the teacher's office at will. At noon we can only eat in the classroom, but she can go and eat with her mother and other teachers.
Her academic performance is very good, and she has full marks in almost every subject. There is no need to think about this. She has a mother who is an excellent class teacher at home, and her grades are not bad even if she wants to be bad.
It is said that at that time, the school stipulated that immediate relatives could not enter their own class, otherwise her mother might be her class teacher.
Later, we had the opportunity to become friends. I spoke out my envy without any concealment, but she immediately showed disapproval:
"What's there to envy? I'm so annoying. I want to transfer to school."
I couldn't figure it out.
She said hatefully: "You want to go to school to face your mother, and you also face your mother after school. No matter what you do in class, someone will complain to your mother. Do she have to care about whatever you do?"
She said, "You go to my house and see how annoying my mother is."
I am very interested in what the teacher will look like at home. Unfortunately, until graduation, I couldn't go to her house to see how annoying her mother was, but I always envy her more.
There is a teacher who is a mother or a father. In the heart of my childish boy, it is always quite enviable.
But the topic I talked about today is not easy.
has two lists, and the first one is "teacher" .
One is the "College Entrance Examination Top Score Parent Career Ranking". The first profession is teachers, accounting for half of the proportion. This should be a ranking that is easy to understand and convincing.
Compared with ordinary parents, teachers have natural educational advantages and can provide children with more effective and efficient education "support". With a parents who are teachers, children often benefit from learning. What about the second list of
?
One is the "Professional Distribution Map of Students' Parents in Suicide Crisis". The first one is actually teachers, and is followed by medical staff and civil servants.
Peking University professor Xu Kewen , investigation on college students' suicide crisis
Although it ranks in the top three, the values of the first and last two digits are much higher.
These two completely different lists are enviable and the other feel heavy, but they both show one thing:
Parents of teachers have a huge impact on their children.
What is heavy is not only the statistics, but also the stories in reality.
There is a female teacher whose daughter was excellent and independent since childhood. She is the kind of "other people's children" who have never made her parents worry about. When she grew up, she also had excellent grades.
is such an excellent girl. After leaving a suicide note to her parents and relatives one day after going abroad, she chose to leave in the dormitory.
This is a fact that my mother cannot accept anyway.
In her daughter's suicide note, the mother realized that her cheerful and lively daughter had obsessive-compulsive disorder 8 years ago and was tortured inside. The story of my daughter made my mother suffer and began to reflect.
She realized that she had always communicated too little with her daughter in spirit, because her daughter was independent at a young age. As a parent, she ignored the pressure she silently endured. In fact, those pressures had already emerged.
For example, after junior high school, my daughter once became taciturn, but her parents thought it was just a girl who became quiet. After going abroad, the child who reported good news but not bad news finally chose to bear everything himself.
Even the mother and child who are together day and night cannot understand the person they should be the closest.
Why do teachers who clearly understand education better do not understand their children?
teacher is engaged in the education industry and is blessed by professional advantages. He should be the parents who understand their children the best, but why can't they get into their children's hearts?
Because teachers and parents are different role positions.
Teachers are teachers, and parents are parents. If two identities are folded on one person, it is a "terrible" thing for the child.
In the current educational environment, learning is a stressful thing. In terms of environment and emotion, schools and families are different.
schools focus on learning, and teachers are absolutely authoritative and even high pressure representatives. In that environment, the measurement standards are very single, namely scores, grades, and discipline.
At home, parents are mainly caring and caring. Although there will be chaos due to tutoring and learning, the role of parents is different from that of teachers and should be more warm.
The pressure children are under great in front of teachers, and although they will be criticized and complained in front of parents, the emotions they feel are different. Family is a place to relieve stress.
But in a family, if the role of the teacher and the role of the parents overlap, the place where the pressure is decompressed may also become the place where the pressure is applied.
Teacher will still be a teacher when she returns home.
This is not done on purpose, it may be due to a professional habit. And this habit may bring two bad results.
1. The pressure the child has to endure cannot be released.
Compared with ordinary parents, teachers are better at education as parents. When they see more "other people's children", they often have higher requirements for their own children. What's more, "teachers and parents" will have higher requirements for their children. The direct consequence of
is that children cannot release their stress and their emotions cannot be relieved in the atmosphere of the family, and they live under continuous high pressure.
2. The child’s self is suppressed.
Children's emotional expressions are different when facing teachers and parents.
In front of the teacher, children are students, and they are often reserved and even nervous. In front of parents, children are children, free and relaxed.
In front of teachers, students often have no self, while in front of parents, children are self-centered.
When parents also "become" teachers, even at home, children often cannot express themselves relaxedly. Over time, they become a kind of depression.
There is a saying that "dark under the light", which means that a teacher cannot teach his own children at home. In fact, the same is true. The result of being both a teacher and a mother may be that nothing can be done.
This is not an article used to criticize teachers. In fact, in those families that have unintentionally caused tragedy, not only the children, but also the parents themselves are victims.
are all parents, and people should understand that even people as educators will fall into confusion and myths on the issue of educating their children.
If you want to make some suggestions, it is not only for families with teachers and parents, but also for the self-reflection of all parents.
- In the family, I only work as a mother, not as a teacher.
home is a harbor for children. It is the place where they feel the most secure and will not be afraid of being abandoned even if they cause trouble. It is where children can be confident in being themselves.
At home, what the child needs is not the teacher, but the mother.
As a parent, you should adjust your role in the family. When you return home, you are no longer a teacher, but a mother. You are not facing students, but your own children.
Release the string that is a teacher and decompress yourself to relieve the pressure of the child.
Only when you become a mother can your child become a child, and home can become a place to release pressure and express joy, anger, sorrow and happiness, rather than a place to make your child afraid and escape.
- allows children to have imperfections and their own imperfections.
As a teacher's parents, they may be under great pressure. People will think that teachers should educate their children better, and teachers' children should be "other people's children."
This idea is wrong and even dangerous. A child's growth is a process of blossoming and fruiting. You have to give your children time and space.
. When facing your children, you are also an ordinary parent. You don’t have to be demanding perfection in everything. You must allow your children’s imperfection and also allow your own imperfection.
- Really learn to listen to children.
Children have their own spiritual world, and this world is often easily overlooked. Treat children as a "person", stop their preaching and silences, and truly listen to their children's voices, no matter what they say, they are good, bad, or childish.
children are sensitive and smart. They can understand whether their parents are really listening to them and be parents who make their children trust, rather than teachers who are afraid of students. Only then do they are willing to tell you their voices.
Give children a gentle and tolerant family atmosphere, allowing children to have a love and a sense of security that can fight against wind and rain, is the greatest success for parents.
In fact, no matter what the profession of parents is, parents are the same in the end. The main points are the following five points:
1. Establish a good relationship with children;
2. Help children find that they really like, are good at and benefit others. Your own business;
3. Parents' own emotional management and growth;
4. The healthy relationship between parents and children is "gardener and garden";
5. Let learning become your own business.
