Be a person who loves to learn and is willing to grow
How to face parents who don’t “speak well”?
text/Yan Lingyang
1
Other people's home—
"Mom, the water is out of stock today, you don't have to cook at noon."
"But I'm already doing it."
"It's okay, then eat it."
three sentences, the communication effect is achieved and the communication is over.
My home -
"Mom, the water is off today. You don't have to cook at noon."
"I've done it all, you say that?! I've started to make it all. Did you ask me to feed the dog these cooked foods? Do you really think the whole world is revolving around you?"
"It's done, it's done, then eat it."
"What are you yelling? Who are you yelling about? I was scalded by water to cook this morning. What else are you not satisfied with? Are you still a human? "
someone else's house -
Mom: "The cat was shitting all over today."
children: "Oh, which one is it? I will check it online to get it back to the cat's toilet to shit."
If you have any problems, solve the problem first, and everyone's efforts are directed to "solving the problem".
My house -
Mom: "The cat is shitting all over today. I don't even want to go to the balcony. It's disgusting! Other people's houses have villas or houses with gardens on the first floor to raise cats. Can you afford a villa or are you willing to live on the first floor? Treat these two cats, you are more dear than your mother! What else do I have to do to you?! Go and hire a nanny by yourself! I can't afford to serve a royal princess like you!"
Me: ……………
After a while, my mother came to talk to me, and the first sentence was: "Can you talk to me well? Do I have a grudge with you?"
She thought from the bottom of her heart that she was "talking well".
Anyway, after experiencing my mother, I think it’s no problem for me to adapt to any nonsense online. People with personality like
have a considerable proportion among the crowd, and they cannot reason with it at all. Then give up reasoning.
If you can do it, don’t yell ( does not necessarily hit people, but acts ).
Anyway, my feelings for my parents are very complicated. On the one hand, they have very big limitations in their cognitive level, which often makes me angry, helpless and even ridiculous; on the other hand, I am full of gratitude and understanding for them.
Our human emotions have always been very complicated. Black fans and bloggers who don’t like me often say that I dislike my parents, and I’m not wrong, but I’m only half right.
2
It was not that I didn’t like to talk when I was a child, but I wanted to talk but didn’t have the chance to speak. My mother’s Language violence fills the entire family space, and I can’t insert it, and then I go to write a diary... The writing ability is trained.
11 left home and live on campus. On the one hand, he was full of fear of rural life and yearning for the "outside world", and on the other hand, he was to escape from my mother.
When I went to college, I launched myself to Beijing, started working and came to Guangdong, because these areas were far enough from my hometown.
I want to try to build my own family, but this attempt failed. Because I gave birth to a child, I rely on my parents to help me take care of the child ( I didn’t have much financial strength to hire a nanny before I quit my job, and I had to work and raise a child alone, so I really couldn’t take care of ). Then, I fell into my original family again.
The final end of
, I found that many things cannot be escaped. What you should face, sooner or later you will face it.
In the process of getting along with my parents and getting along, I gave up changing them and started to polish myself.
I slowly corrected some of the bad thinking habits and language patterns I followed from my parents in the past, and learned to get along with my children in a better and healthier way.
The child jumped around and knocked my lips bloody. I didn't blame her.
The child jumped around and accidentally turned off the power of my computer. All my work results were cleared. I saw that she felt guilty and just hugged her.
The child went to the wrong cinema, so I entered the venue first, left the cinema at the door, and asked her to find it myself, and tell her the plot after she came.
Of course, if the child does too much, I will still suppress it with firepower ( Children are also humans, and they will also be arrogant )...
If I treat my children in the way their parents treat me, I may get angry every one of these events and trigger a family war. Then, my child will have to experience the dilemma of "poverty and messy" that I experienced when I was a child.
I also saw from my mother all the difficulties it is to be a woman. After all, she is also a victim of the operation of this male patriarchal system.
The only battlefield of her life is left with family, and the feedback from her family has become the only source of value, which has led to her thinking and vision becoming narrower and narrower, as if she is at home and like a rat when she goes out.
Housewife is a very risky profession and it will not even be considered a profession. Whether your rights can be protected depends entirely on whether your family has a conscience, but conscience is too illusory.
So, when the comma was very small, I told her:
First, as a girl, you will encounter more difficulties than men when you travel through such a world. These difficulties cannot be perceived by men.
We were born to be encircled by the general social environment. Some of these encirclements and suppressions are encountered by "people" and some of them are encountered by only "women".
2. People are constantly in the dilemma of being encircled and suppressed throughout their lives. You may be surrounded by the general environment, surrounded by unlucky marriage, surrounded by failure, surrounded by fate, but as long as you are still alive, you have to break through.
breaks through the birth, breaks through the unfortunate marriage, breaks through the failure, breaks through the fate.
3. How to break through? It depends on understanding and courage.
Where does the understanding and courage come from? Come from every detail in life, from the fight we have fallen.
When encountering things, think more about it, think more about it, think about it when you see it, and think more about it when you see it, think more about it, study and motivate yourself. The stronger we are, the stronger our strength will be in dealing with encirclement and suppression.
3
female characters in Jin Yong novels, why do I like Zhao Min the most? It's because she is not greedy.
For example, she was aggrieved and framed by Zhou Zhiruo on Lingshe Island. She finally reunited with Zhang Wuji . She was about to express her feelings, but Zhang Wuji was strangled...
I was treated like this kind of "treatment". Damn, how could there be such a stupid fool like you in the world? I really feed the dog. I hate you for half my life and find an opportunity to kill you.
However, Zhao Min could actually get what Zhang Wuji was angry about, and realized that Zhang Wuji didn't want her to go to Xie Xun to die, and then he used his intelligence to clear himself of his grievances.
throughout the whole process, she did not kneel down and did not feel wronged. She was in a state of relaxation and her relationship with Zhang Wuji went further.
This must have a very strong sense of security as the background and background, but I still can't do it.
I think I am essentially a defensive type - I don’t provoke others actively, but if others hurt me, I will definitely fight back.
My thinking is still: If you don’t let me live a better life, OK, I won’t let you live a better life either.
But I found that there are really some people in life who can do the same thing as Zhao Min.
For example, I watched a TV series early on, and my mother-in-law said in person that her daughter-in-law was not worthy of her son.
If I were to me, I would definitely scold this mother-in-law for being speechless and unable to win the argument. I sent you a message, so I could beat ten of them!
However, when the daughter-in-law in the play saw her mother-in-law scolding her like this, she smiled and pulled her husband to her side and said, "Why are you not worthy? You are very worthy! You are worthy!"
Just now, some netizens said, if I meet your mother calling you a dog or a royal princess, then I may reply, yes, yes, I am a dog, then you are a dog mother. Yes, yes, I am the royal princess, you are the royal queen.
I was shocked...ah? Is this possible? ! I really don’t know how to do this. Most of the time, I live too seriously and not relaxed enough, and I live a life that is close to the ascetic (, for example, I only make money but don’t have time to spend money ), and I can’t do it without stinginess.
is of course not good, because it may make a person slippery, care about nothing, and feel too sudden about himself and even the people around him. empathizes with lacks strength. Nowadays, many people with slick mouths can only reach this level.
They can coax a person well by relying on low-level skills, rather than fulfillment based on "understanding" and "compassion": I know what you are sad, but I am willing to bear your sadness because I am the more energy-driven party.
So, what if this kind of "confusion" is based on a deep understanding of things? That would be very powerful. I have experienced the "seeing mountains as mountains, but seeing mountains as mountains is not mountains" and have reached the stage of "seeing mountains as mountains or mountains".
There are very few people who can reach this level, so I will do my best.
Full text
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This is the best encouragement
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Author: Yan Lingyang, born in the 1980s, emotional columnist, author of the new feminism, member of the Chinese Writers Association. He has written the best-selling books "Those that make you suffer one day will say it out with a smile", "May you let go of the past and deserve the future", "May you have a journey and a way out", "I am divorced", "The world with you is not lonely - an alternative interpretation of Jin Yong's martial arts novels" and children's picture books "Mom's House, Dad's House". With 13 years of experience in finance (management) and is currently the founder of a cultural information consulting company in Guangzhou and the co-founder of a cultural media company. Born in Lijiang, Yunnan, now living in Guangzhou.
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