The college entrance examination and high school entrance examination are over, and so are the final exams. The topic of discussion in one of my small groups for the past two days has been children's learning. Those who complain about their children's failure, those who lament th

The college entrance examination and high school entrance examination are over, and the final exam is also over. The topic of discussion in one of my small groups for the past two days has been children's learning. Those who complain about their children's failure, those who lament the rigidity of class, those who blame themselves for not working hard enough... Once the topic of education for the next generation opens up, it is really like a surging river.

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These topics inevitably remind me of our childhood. Parents at that time were the same as we are now, right? At least I can still recall the expressions on the faces of some parents in elementary school. I remember my dad slapped me when I failed in the exam in the first grade. That was the only time my dad slapped me because of my studies. Hit me so my memory is fresh. As parents, we often talk about giving unreserved and unrequited love to our children, but sometimes do we really “ask for nothing” from our children? not necessarily!

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"You have to study hard and get good grades in the exam!"

"You have to practice hard on the piano, you are going to take the exam soon!"

"The words are like the person they are. Even if you can't write well, it will have an impact on future exams."

"You can't play games or watch videos every day. It's not good for your eyes, and you'll lose your mind playing with things!"

...

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Sometimes, when parents say these words, they feel very tired, and feel like a hard-working old scalper, dragging a car. The broken car didn't even have wheels, so it had to be dragged forward by itself. Parents hope that their children can take the initiative to walk, so that they no longer have to worry about being burdened. We hope that our children will be of the same mind as us and "do not wait for the whip to be raised."

It is easy for you to ask a person to do what you want him to do.

It is easy for you to ask a person to be himself.

However, it is impossible for you to ask a person to meet your requirements on the premise of "being yourself".

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is not an attitude impossibility, nor a technical impossibility, but a logical impossibility.

So how to crack this impossibility? I found the answer in the Tao Te Ching.

Laozi divides leaders into four levels. In fact, the same logic applies to parents.

"Your Majesty, I don't know about it; secondly, praise it by being familiar with it; secondly, fear it; thirdly, insult it. If you don't believe it, you can't believe it. Oh, it's a noble word. The success is achieved, and the people call me Naturally."

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Translated, the meaning of this passage is:

The best leader, the people being led only know that there is such a person; the second leader, the people being led get close to him and praise him; again For a leader, the people he leads fear him; for the worst leader, the people he leads look down on him. If you don't trust others, you will lose their trust. Leaders are cautious and do not speak easily or interfere with subordinates. Whatever goals you want to achieve can be achieved, and whatever you want to do can be accomplished smoothly. The people also say: 'This is how we are. '"

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In order for children to have the experience of "I am natural", parents only need to be "Yuh-ha, it's a precious word". Many things happen naturally and do not require human intervention. Do you still remember When the child is still a baby, he will cry when he is hungry, and he will naturally let go when he is full and drunk. Has anyone set a schedule for the baby? Eat when he is hungry, stop when he is full, and stop when he is sleepy. Just sleep and play when you wake up. These are all innate. Children's curiosity, desire for knowledge, concern for others, and desire to be recognized by others... are also innate. In other words, you don’t have to do anything, the child will be there. There is no need to cultivate initiative, it will come naturally to the child.

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In fact, this is Lao Tzu’s idea of ​​“inaction”. What I want to emphasize is that many people think of “inaction”. ” is a lazy and negative thought, which is really wrong."Wuwei" is not "not doing". "Wuwei" is to let things perform as they are without interfering. Just like when a baby is hungry, you don't need to interfere. He will be hungry naturally. We have to do it. The most important thing is to prepare the milk, and the mother's body must be supplemented with nutrients. If the milk is insufficient, the appropriate milk powder must be selected.

Therefore, educating children and feeding babies are the same. The state displayed by the child may not be what the parents want at this moment. Sometimes adults can't help but express this disappointment, which is actually an injustice to the child. Therefore, as a parent, the most important thing is to adjust your expectations for your children. Instead of making your children conform to your own expectations, make your own expectations conform to your children. Instead of drawing a circle in the center for target shooting, draw a circle after shooting, so that the child can become a sharpshooter with perfect shots.

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There is never a standard answer to the matter of educating children. There is only one thing that is beyond doubt, that is, whatever the child takes the initiative to do, he can only listen to the child himself. The only person an adult can control is himself. Doing this is simple, but not simple either. Whether you are a parent or anything else, the more thoroughly you understand yourself, the more likely you are to "succeed" and "people call me natural."