But it is undeniable that the most important dimension is harmonious interpersonal relationships. We usually describe a good relationship between two people as husband and wife are like glue, lovers are like honey with sugar, brothers are like the palm of the hand and the back of

When evaluating happiness, people have many dimensions. But it is undeniable that the most important dimension is harmonious interpersonal relationships in .

We usually describe a good relationship between two people as husband and wife are like glue, lovers are like honey with sugar, brothers are like the palm of the hand and the back of the hand, and friends are as close as each other.

In a word: does not distinguish between each other, it is really good!

In fact, this idea is completely wrong.

Let’s take a look at the sages’ evaluations of interpersonal relationships:

Ziyou said: “It is humiliating to serve as many kings as there are friends; there are only so few friends.”

Ziyou is the ninth among the ten philosophers of Confucius. He is a native of Wu. His name is Yanyan. He is forty-five years younger than Confucius.. Together with Zixia, he is also known as the literary leader of Confucius.

Ziyou was very studious and integrated knowledge and action, which was deeply appreciated by Confucius. Once upon a time, Confucius sighed after attending a wax festival. Ziyou asked the teacher why he was unhappy.

Confucius replied: I am lamenting that I did not live in the Xia, Shang and Zhou dynasties when the wise kings were in power. Confucius then described to Ziyou his blueprint for a Datong society.

Ziyou keeps it in mind. Later, when he was the Prime Minister of Wucheng in Lu State , he strictly followed the teacher's instructions and educated the people with rituals and music, and achieved great results.

Ziyou's sentence means: "When dealing with leaders, admonishing too frequently will bring humiliation to oneself; when dealing with friends, advising too often will cause the friendship to overturn."

Let me explain here, numbers are numbers without reading numbers, and reading Shuoyin means many times and frequently.

Ziyou sees through interpersonal relationships at a glance.

Between people, no matter how consistent the three views are, no matter how good the relationship is, there must be a sense of proportion and white space, otherwise it will be counterproductive.

According to Zi You’s thinking, we sort out the four most intimate relationships.

1. Relationship between husband and wife: intimate when together, independent when sharing.

Many people think that since they are husband and wife, they should be completely integrated into one, and they will be close to each other like glue.

This is correct, but incomplete.

Although couples are a family, each person is an individual with personality, dignity and financial independence. Only on this basis, mutual respect, mutual understanding, and then close cooperation can achieve a healthy and lasting relationship.

Two people come from two families. Before their marriage, their family upbringing, knowledge structure, and living habits may not be the same. If one party must submit to the other, it will cause inner imbalance. Over time, conflicts will arise.

Mummy-type husbands are annoying to most wives, and many men cannot accept clingy wives. A good relationship between a husband and wife is not a tree and a vine, but two trees. Each is busy at ordinary times and has its own career and pursuits. This way, they will not pester each other and squeeze people's spiritual space; they can rely on each other in difficult times and can jointly protect the family from wind and rain.

For a man, a cat-like wife is certainly cute, but a wife who can change a tire with you in wind and rain is even more admirable. For a woman, a husband who is like a domineering CEO is certainly frightening, but a husband who always respects your career development and personal independence and does not interfere with your gatherings with classmates or shopping with your girlfriends is more comfortable.

If we consume each other, marriage will become narrower and narrower; if we empower each other, life will become wider and wider.

2. Parent-child relationship: help in difficult times, encourage

Chinese people to treat their children like unlimited liability company , always take responsibility and always take responsibility.

Regarding Chinese-style family ties, the modern philosopher Mr. Wang Dongyue once said a very accurate saying: There is no contract in exchanges, and there is no end to the adoption of children.

There is nothing wrong with loving children, but many people may have different understandings of what true love is.

Many parents think that the child is mine, and they want to eat and drink for him. They want to suffer all the sins for him, so it is natural for them to intervene in his life. There should be no boundaries at all!

As a result, a lot of conflicts have arisen between children and parents due to differences in habits, concepts and lifestyles. Why is it said that it is difficult for an upright official to stop household chores? It is because of this contradiction that the public is justified and the mother-in-law is justified -

Parents feel aggrieved: "I am doing this for your own good, but you still don't appreciate it!"

The child is also aggrieved: "You are in charge of everything, and I am not a dog. Why don't I have my own freedom of choice?"

You see, because of love, I hate!

Love, hate, and hatred are the most difficult to control. Because once you love, you feel a sense of giving. If the feeling of contribution is not recognized, it immediately turns into hatred. As deep as love is, so is hate.

To solve this problem, we must start from the parents.

Parents should realize that your children are yours, but they are not your accessories. He is an independent individual, and his personality and will should be respected. Even if you are experienced and see him making mistakes and taking detours, let him try. Because: first, you may not be absolutely right. Think about whether your relationship with your parents has been like this; second, taking detours is part of walking, and making mistakes is part of life. You made all the choices for him. He doesn't have the ability to try and make mistakes, and he may make bigger mistakes in the future.

We often say: "What you see on paper is only shallow, but you must do it in detail." The same is true for education and children's lives.

If a child asks for help from his parents, the parents can help; if he does not ask for help and is happy to go on his own, encourage him.

When Armstrong was eight or nine years old, he once played outside late and his mother asked him to go home for dinner. He came home and said: "Mom, I just told my friends that I will go to the moon in the future, and they all laughed at me. Do you think I can go to the moon?"

The mother smiled and said, "Of course you can, just work hard. But when you go to the moon, remember to go home for dinner at night!"

This great mother did not attack or extinguish the fire of her children's ideals, but affirmed and encouraged them.

In 1969, Armstrong became the first astronaut to land on the moon.

A good parent-child relationship is neither laissez-faire nor overbearing. It’s about setting the bottom line while leaving plenty of room. Even if you have the ability to help your children plan for a broad future, you still have to have the courage to let your children walk down a narrow path.

3. Parental relationship: caring about the body, respecting aspirations and interests

Parents were once our idols and our world. But when we grow up, we find that they are also ordinary people.

With the development of informatization, most parents have become stupid, slow, and verbose. They cannot keep up with your rhythm and your concepts. They sell health-preserving chicken soup, believe in health-care scams, and adhere to the old ways of the world, with a lot of anachronisms that may seem to you. How does

deal with the relationship with his parents?

Treat your parents with physical care and conceptual respect.

The elderly have various chronic diseases, which must be paid attention to by their children. We should urge them to have regular physical examinations, ask them frequently about their daily life, and pay more attention to their diet.

But we must be tolerant and understanding of their values. They lived in different eras and had different knowledge structures. These generational differences may never be bridged.

The concepts held by your parents are just different from yours and are not necessarily wrong. When dealing with differences, do not look down upon or be forceful, but listen more and communicate more. For obviously harmful cognitions, such as financial fraud and health care fraud, we must patiently and repeatedly guide them; as for social comments and the sophistication of people, we must fully respect their opinions.

We must also listen to their advice to not stay up late and cook more meals.If you change, he will be happy when he sees it. This is the greatest filial piety.

As long as the parents can take care of themselves, it is best not to live together, but they should go home often. Such a close and measured relationship is the guarantee of happiness and harmony.

4. Friendship relationship: get together often and do not interfere with each other.

There is an old saying: rely on parents at home and rely on friends when going out. can see the importance of friends to a person.

Each of us has a good friend, and everyone has lost a good friend. Many of these losses are caused by excessive proximity.

The reason why two people can get close is that they have great consistency in personality, hobbies, ideas, etc., and there is no competition in terms of interests. If you get too close, you will inevitably lose your sense of proportion, comment on other people's hobbies, make suggestions for other people's family affairs, and even invest together, and your interests will be tied together. This violates the principle of "good friends don't compete for profit".

If you are too involved in other people's private affairs, many words will go too far and cause conflicts; while investing together, you can be a good colleague or a good comrade, but generally you should not be a good friend. Good colleagues are rule-conscious and their foundation is work; good friends are friendship-conscious and their foundation is friendship. These are two lines that generally should not intersect. If good friends insist on cooperating in business, they must first clarify their rights, responsibilities, and benefits. Otherwise, no matter whether you make money or not, you will lose a good friend.

Some people can do things together, and some people can drink together. Different circles require different positioning and different processing modes. But no matter what level of good friends you are, you must remember one sentence: Don't be close to each other if you are distant, and you won't be overstepping when you help.

Therefore, good interpersonal relationships are not about intimacy, but intimacy. Being broad-minded and moderate is the way to achieve long-lasting harmony in interpersonal relationships!

The secret to making any relationship last is one word: respect.

Respect your spouse, respect your children, respect your parents, and respect your friends!

Those who respect others will always be respected! Those who value others will always be valued!

Finally, he explained the achievements of Yi Ziyou: his poise, rigor and sense of proportion made him one of the ten philosophers of Confucius and the originator of Southern Confucianism!