In the past few years, my wife and I often quarreled at home. We often had hot fights followed by cold wars, and we didn't deal with each other. The atmosphere at home was very bad. I was very unhappy and depressed, and I always wanted to find a place to relax.

In the past few years, my wife and I often quarreled at home. We often had hot fights followed by cold wars, and we didn't deal with each other. The atmosphere at home was very bad. I was very unhappy and depressed, and I always wanted to find a place to relax.

So I went to the park for a walk by myself, wandering around the park in a daze.

As I was walking, I saw a red door under a large bush of plantains. It looked very antique, so I couldn't help but push the door. The door opened, and there was a small courtyard inside, which was very quiet.

I walked in. There were many flowers planted in the courtyard. There was a winding path next to the flowers. I don’t know where it leads?

I walked along the path for about three or four minutes. It became darker and quieter as I walked. Suddenly I looked up and found that I had arrived at Rumeng Temple.

Master Luomeng was sitting at the door of the temple mending the soles of his shoes.

I said: Master Luomeng, how come I can reach you even while walking in the park?

He said: You and I are destined to live in this place. You must be depressed and need to solve something, so you came to me secretly.

I said: How come you know everything?

He smiled and said: Looking at your frown, did you have a quarrel with your wife?

I said: Old Master, you really know everything. My wife and I are very unhappy these days.

He said: If a husband and wife want to be happy, they must have a heart that can understand that adversity is a blessing in the long history of marriage.

When you get married and live your life, you first expect that the two of you will have a smooth relationship. This is a mistake.

Because you assume that you and the other party will always be submissive, and the other party is submissive to you, so when you are not submissive, you will not be happy. If you don't obey her, she will still be unhappy.

What you want is not a normal marriage. What you want is for no one to disobey your marriage. What you want is for your other half to come and go as soon as you call it. You say it, and she will unconditionally obey your marriage. If both of you are like this, then don't you have to fight every day?

I said: Sometimes it's not like this. I have a very good personality, and I don't mean that the other person must obey me, but there are always some things in life. What she does makes me angry, and she doesn't like whatever I do. In short, the two of us just can't deal with each other.

Let’s talk about three views. In fact, there are many similarities, but there are always differences.

Differences in some trivial matters can easily lead to inner conflicts.

The old master smiled and said: So you see, didn’t I become a monk early in the morning? Avoid games like this. Since you are not a monk and are living at home, you must seize this opportunity. You must know that marriage is the best place for practitioners to practice.

I ask: How should Buddhist practitioners deal with marriage? I'm a little confused. I think, should I be short on it and treat it as a dream?

The old monk said: That's not right. Treating it as a dream is a natural thing to not care about, instead of presupposing a concept for yourself. If you don't have true feelings in your marriage, you can't deceive yourself. Living in a marriage without true feelings every day, that kind of torture is the real torture.

So, don’t just follow what others say and think of marriage as a dream. It cannot be a dream. You eat, drink, and have sex together every day, look at each other, and live together. It is impossible to treat marriage as a dream.

If Buddhist practitioners have problems in their marriage, they should face it bravely and actively. Don't make excuses to escape.

I said: Master, I have never heard of such a principle. Buddhist practitioners have to face these problems in marriage. Are they facing these problems? But if the problem cannot be solved, wouldn’t that only increase the worries?

He said: I want you to face it, I just want you to find a way to solve it. Instead of giving up. In a relationship, especially a lifelong relationship, if someone gives up right away, that is not free and easy, that is cold-blooded, indifferent and irresponsible.

Buddhist practitioners should face every relationship appropriately, let alone their own marriage.

The first thing is to reflect on yourself. Why does your marriage have such problems?

Is it that you are too picky, or is the other person too picky, is it that you are not tolerant enough, or is your request too unrealistic, you probably need to think clearly about it. Think more about what you didn't do well, what you gave the other person, and what you brought to her.

Are you the person she is satisfied with? If both parties are dissatisfied, it means that everyone has done something bad.

Why can't you tolerate the other person more? It's because you don't love the other person anymore or you're tired of it.

So if you peel it off, you will understand why you have such a problem.

If you find another woman you are satisfied with and start over, will you have a good marriage in a few years?

I said: I don’t dare to think about it, maybe it’s not as good as it is now. I just feel that I'm really bad at dealing with women and don't have such a talent.

He said: No one is born to be a master of marriage. Marriage is inherently torturous. Two people are different and spending a lifetime together seems to be an unfavorable fate.

But, is really the opposite of ? Not necessarily. Good luck and bad luck are just what you decide in your heart. So at this time, your wisdom as a Buddhist practitioner will be activated. Otherwise, why would you study Buddhism? Learning Buddhism means having the wisdom to face the problems in life and solve them.

The first is psychological adaptation. Do you have such wisdom that you can have a mentality that treats any violation as nothing? This kind of wisdom can be realized by learning the correct way of practicing Buddhism and having the correct knowledge and views.

You see, the transformation is not so decisive. If you don't have such a high level of wisdom. You can convert it one at a time, then use some processes. For example, when you look at the other person with your own compassion, why are you so selfish? Be compassionate and tolerant, and help others achieve their goals.

Also, where is true love? When you value your own feelings, you will also have many different views on your significant other. For example, always think about her dedication and kindness to you. Don't close your horizons to small differences.

Slowly, it is not easy to understand the other person's difficulties. When studying Buddhism and practicing Buddhism, you actually need to think more from the perspective of others. If you are practicing giving, should you make your family happy? So if you are here, as long as you can calm down and sort it out, you will find that the key to the problem is that you are still too self-centered.

You care about your own feelings and interests more than the other person's. Of course you feel unhappy.

Practitioners must be mentally prepared, that is, they must learn to sacrifice themselves to achieve the success of others. The great Bodhisattvas do this, and we should also learn from it, but such a selfless spirit is too difficult. It is basically impossible to do this to everyone, so at least we should do it to our loved ones and those around us.

Why are the great Bodhisattvas able to sacrifice their own interests to achieve charity to others? Because there is no self, What am I? It is an illusory concept. Great Bodhisattvas have realized selflessness, so they can do it. In other words, they cannot achieve selflessness, and they cannot realize selflessness.

Studying Buddhism and practicing Buddhism is harming me. Lao Tzu said that is the Tao, and the day will damage , and the damage will be damaged again. You are still very concerned about your own feelings all day long, whether you are happy or not, and whether or not someone will obey you. You are always worried about it, and you accept a little grievance. Unfortunately, you are worried when you can't get the atmosphere you want. You fantasize about a satisfactory marriage, but in fact it is just a selfish marriage. The sacrifices you make are not done willingly, but in the hope of receiving something in return. Where are you studying Buddhism?

Therefore, you must weaken your self, so weakened that when you hear something unpleasant, you will pass it by, and when you see something unsatisfactory, it will die immediately. Any conflicts, frictions, and unpleasantness between husband and wife cannot really leave a mark on you. Throwing an ax at you seems like it is thrown in the air. On the other hand, always treat others well and love them without changing your original intention.

You have to do this, and at the same time you still have true feelings for your loved ones. It is indeed a bit difficult to balance these two, but it can be done. It is also a misunderstanding to assume that you think you are wise and can be bearish, but you have lost your true feelings.

It is also a misunderstanding to assume that you only have true feelings and are stuck in feelings without wisdom. Therefore, family marriage is the best place for spiritual practice. It is because you cannot escape from this place.

A great master once said: Enemies come together to solemnize this dojo.

means Buddhist practitioners, don’t be afraid of going against fate or being unhappy. Suppose your enemies are here together, have no money, are sick, are quarreling, have this and that, and the problems are stacked up. This is not a bad thing, this is the most solemn moment in the ashram.

Hurry up and practice hard here, practice truly. I absolutely don’t blame anyone and everyone. Don’t think that my life is really miserable. I’m so unlucky. Why do all these bad things happen to me? It’s such a mess. My wife or husband keeps making me angry and I have to bear it. This is killing me.

If you think this way, you are completely doomed and no one can save you.

I said: Master, it's easy for you to say it. You are not in the marriage. You don't know how angry you are for a moment. It's really terrible.

He said: Let me tell you a secret. This secret was told by Buddha himself. He said, husband and wife, usually Bodhisattvas appear to save you.

I smiled and said: Old Master, where did you read Chicken Soup for the Soul? I never believe this.

He said: It is true. You slowly realize it, feel it, and see if it is true. In the end, it is your wife who makes you successful.

Suppose one day, you are like a fish in water in your family life, and you are happy to face your partner's constant making things difficult and scolding you, and finding trouble. You will find that not only the relationship between husband and wife, but also everything else, you can treat it like this, deal with it indifferently, and not torment you in your heart.

At that time, you will sincerely bow to your significant other. In your eyes, he may be a Bodhisattva.

Think about it, have you ever treated this Bodhisattva kindly?

The relationship between husband and wife actually involves a long period of time together. Having such a fate in a lifetime is a deep fate that cannot be escaped. This kind of fate is usually very unusual. You must know how to sense the opportunity of your life in this fate, and learn how to love someone and how to truly get along with others. This kind of lesson is meant to take a lifetime to learn.

I said: Master, Master, no matter how much you say, it’s useless. When I went home today, my wife scolded me, saying that I had no awareness of my mind a long time ago. My awareness has been torn into pieces. It seems that I can’t pass this level.

Master Meng said with a smile: It's getting late, you'd better go home early to coax your wife. Remember my words, be kind to the Bodhisattva around you, she is here to save you.

After that, he pushed me. I stumbled and fell out. When I saw it, I was already standing outside the red door. At this time, the mobile phone rang, and my wife said softly on the phone: Go home early for dinner. I cooked delicious dishes for you today.

(This article is a story, please do not take it seriously)