were once children.
-(French) Saint Exupéry's "Little Prince"
All the adults were once children. However, when these former children had their own children, most of them did not remember this.
If parenting is an unpaid profession, when more and more industries require a qualification certificate, parenting is an exception and does not require a certificate to work. The process of parenting children is like crossing a river by feeling the stones, without understanding.
In the process of raising children, children may have 100,000 "whys". Faced with the child's innocence and unreasonable troubles, parents will have countless "how to do".
Parents and children, in addition to full of love, unconsciously formed a subtle antagonistic relationship, leading to misunderstandings, fighting for their own "power" in the parent-child relationship. The
era is developing and the society is advancing. Parents still see "bear children" in endlessly. Many parents have not changed their erroneous parenting concepts and methods at all.
With the liberalization of second-child births in China, two-child families are increasing day by day. Many parents think that bringing a second child can simply copy the way of raising a eldest son, but it's actually not that simple. Whether it is a one-child family or a multi-child family, parents have their own confusion and troubles.
The book "Children: Challenges" co-authored by Professor Rudolph Drex and Ms. Vicki Sauerz not only brings new ideas to parents, but also provides practical ideas and methods for raising children .
The hard cover and small format of "Children: Challenges" are suitable for reading at any time. The case and analysis in the book are typeset and printed in different font sizes, which are clear at a glance, making it easy for readers to read and compare.
Drex is an American child psychologist, psychiatrist and educator. As the founder of the modern practical school of child psychology, he pioneered the development of Adler's psychoanalysis and individual psychology into a series of practical methods, which has a wide and profound influence in the Western education circle.
For 40 years, Drex has kept in touch with hundreds of families, observed and recorded the interaction between parents and children, and obtained first-hand information on children's psychology and behavior.
These children range from a few months old babies to teenage pupils, covering all age groups, some are only children, and some come from families with many children.
In addition to healthy ordinary children, there are also children with physical defects. They come from various types of families. In addition to parents with both parents, there are also single-parent families and remarried families.
In the book "Children: Challenges", Drex compares the family to a constellation system, where each family member is a unique constellation in the system. In the family constellation system, different children have different positioning of themselves in the family, which leads to different influences.
Aiming at the various behaviors that children make in daily life that make their parents headache, Drex puts forward effective suggestions based on psychological analysis, which are concise and grounded. "Children: Challenge" can be called a parenting treasure for parents.
In addition to more than 100 cases throughout the book, the end of "Children: Challenges" summarizes 34 new principles for raising children. The appendix also specifically lists 37 cases and comments, objectively analyzes parents' coping behaviors to "bear children", and provides recommended methods for readers' reference. These case scenarios are rich, the analysis is well-founded, and the new method is simple and easy to implement, which can be described as a good helper for parents to bring their babies.
If you don't want to miss the most beautiful parent-child time and provide better parenting and companionship for your children, the more than one hundred cases in this book can provide you with reference at any time and help you on the road of raising children.
1. Respect and not spoil
1. Respect children
Children are also the product of society, and his strongest psychological motivation is the desire to have a sense of belonging. With a sense of belonging, there will be a sense of security.
Children often have a wrong goal behind their inappropriate behavior. Seeking excessive attention, power struggles, retaliation, and self-defeating are typical four wrong goals. Younger children have more obvious wrong goals. Wrong goals cause children to act inappropriately and become bear children in the eyes of adults.
When treating children's improper behavior in seeking a sense of belonging, parents should not only respect them, but also pay attention to treating them equally and impartially.
2. Do not spoil children
Duke UniversityA research report released in 2006 showed that 40% of people's daily behaviors are not really driven by decisions, but by habit.
Good habits will benefit children for a lifetime. Don't spoil your children, start by helping them develop good habits. For example, you don’t sleep in bed, you set your own alarm clock to get up on time, follow the rules, learn to cooperate, and so on. Z1z
freezing three feet is not a day's cold, it takes time to develop good habits, and it takes time to change bad habits. Once a bad habit is formed, it is extremely detrimental to the child's growth.
's bad habit of treating children cannot simply "drive out the flies", the flies will fly back if they are driven away. Reprimanding children with words cannot solve the problem. Parents need to lead by example and use actions to help children get rid of bad habits in time.
Drex believes that all children are valuable, and parents must not give up on them. Parents actively learn psychological knowledge, not to deal with their children, but to understand what to do and not to do in a specific situation.
Only by taking appropriate actions, treating children with respect but not spoiling, letting go but not letting go, can we help children give up wrong goals, develop good habits, and grow up healthily.
2. Guide and not arrange
Do you still remember the scene when your child learned to walk?
When the child is toddler, the mother usually takes a step back, always keep a distance from the child, open her hands to welcome the child, and guide the child forward and further. Just keep going in and out, leaving proper space for the child and encouraging the child to move forward.
No one is born to be a qualified parent. Both parents and children need to be trained.
When a 2-year-old child tries to help clean the table, parents usually grab the plate in his hand and tell him not to move or he will break the plate. If the child accidentally breaks the plate, he cannot simply beat and scold the child. Use punishment carefully so as not to aggravate the child's frustration and make the child lose confidence.
In order not to break the plate, we have broken the confidence of children to develop their own abilities.
-Chapter 3 of "Children: Challenges" encourages
to encourage children to be self-reliant, guide them instead of taking care of everything, in order to help children learn to be self-reliant as soon as possible, and better adapt to society and cope with competition when they grow up.
3. Know how to quit
Every time a parent and child are unhappy, there must be problems in both aspects. The war is the result of a conflict between two people. If one of them withdraws from the war, the other cannot continue. If the parent withdraws, the child will have no opponents, no opponents or spectators-no one needs him to beat, and no one can use it to dominate. "Let his wind have no sails to blow."
-Chapter 17 of "Children: Challenges" exits the conflict
"Let his winds have no sails to blow." This sentence appeared three times in the book. It states the basic principles of easily coping with children's challenges and happy parenting: respect children, guide children, know how to withdraw from conflict in time, and not be controlled by children.
Conclusion:
With the improvement of living standards, children are getting smarter. Never underestimate children , even infants who are still wearing diapers. However, some of the outdated educational concepts and parenting methods of parents are far behind the times. Family conflicts occur from time to time. It is urgent for parents to change their ideas and meet challenges. While respecting and giving children equality and freedom, guide children to respect rules, assume responsibility, and learn to cooperate. The book "Children: Challenges" co-authored by Professor Drex and Ms. Saltz was completed in the United States in the 1960s and has been sold in Europe and the United States for more than 50 years. A large number of cases in the book are still valid, and various parenting scenes are fresh and lively. It is very suitable for today's Chinese parents to learn from, draw inferences, and apply flexibly. grows with children and becomes a better version of yourself.
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