Text Jiang Ping
On the way to send her 5-year-old daughter Lingling to the dance class, suddenly, she had a serious expression and said seriously: "Mom, can you not be so lazy? After you go home at night, mop the floor, wash your clothes, and wash your dishes! Grandma is doing the work at home!"
I felt wronged and angry when I heard my daughter's words!
"I am not a lazy mother!" I immediately fought back and shouted to Lingling loudly, "It must be what your grandma said, right? Mom is so busy at work every day, and she also has to tutor your various studies when she goes home. Am I lazy? Your grandma is lazy. She dances square dance until after 10 o'clock every night before going home. She goes out to play every Saturday and Sunday. In addition to picking up and dropping off you?"
Lingling listened to my words and thoughtful. She pouted and threw away me far away.
When I was having dinner the next night, my husband was not at home on business trips as usual. My mother-in-law said that she would go to the suburbs with the elderly in the community for two days on weekends. Before he finished speaking, Lingling suddenly said, "Grandma, you go out to play every weekend. Mom said, why don't you take me out to play?"
Lingling's sudden words made her mother-in-law speech for a while. She collapsed her face and stared at me fiercely, and threw the bowl in the kitchen, making a crackling sound.
I was very proud of this war. I finally won back the battle.
2
Since I got Lingling, the relationship between my mother-in-law and I have become worse and worse.
I said that the child should be fed scientifically, but my mother-in-law just stirred some rice paste to feed the child.
I said I should wear less clothes for my child, but my mother-in-law just wrapped the child layer after layer.
I said I would ask a nanny to help, but my mother-in-law was reluctant to spend the money and complained that my sick mother could not help her every day.
One by one thing accumulates together. My mother-in-law and I have been having a long grudge.
However, we are both people who are very proud of our face. No matter how big the opinions or conflicts are, we will not make noise in person.
Starting from the beginning, we all asked my husband as a memoir. My mother-in-law complained about my bad things. I complained about my mother-in-law's faults, but I had no choice but to do it. My husband was in an auditor, too busy with work, long-term business trips, and low emotional intelligence. He never talked to anyone alone. Every time a conflict came, he analyzed a lot of objectively like a judge, and each beat the fifty board, which made my mother-in-law both hate it, so he became our "abandoned son".
For several years, our mother-in-law and daughter-in-law maintained harmony on the surface, but in fact they were tense. Life is stuttering.
Unexpectedly, when my daughter could speak and had the ability to judge, the mother-in-law began to let her daughter Lingling take the team and become the "sound tube" of our mother-in-law's daughter-in-law's battle.
fight. Whoever is afraid of whom, the daughter is the mother's little cotton-padded jacket after all. I believe that Lingling is on my side after all.
So, whenever my mother-in-law says bad things about me in Lingling's ear, I will fight back with all my might, and sometimes I will list three or four of my mother-in-law's "bad deeds" to Lingling.
Lingling said, "Mom, grandma said you can't cook any rice." I said, "Grandma cooks delicious rice, but there is too much salt and MSG inside, which is not good for the health."
Lingling said, "Grandma said that every time you wash your hair, you will leave a lot of hair in the bathroom, and you won't clean it up." I said, "Lingling, look at the school uniform you wear every day, and it's dirty on it, but your grandma hasn't washed it clean at all!"
...
With Lingling, this "sound tube", this battle between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is endless.
However, sometimes, when Lingling hears my words, she will blink her eyes, feeling confused, and she wants to say something but stops.
3
One day, when I was busy, the kindergarten teacher suddenly called me and said that Lingling had a fight in school.
How could Lingling, who has always been well-behaved, fight? I rushed to the kindergarten anxiously and found that Lingling had actually scratched the face of the little girl in the same table! The little girl was crying loudly.
Isn’t this her favorite good friend Lele? I was so angry that I quickly pulled Lingling to the teacher's office and scolded her loudly: "Why did you hit someone?"
"She, she lied." Lingling lowered her head.
"What did Lele lie to you?"
"She said I was her best friend," Lingling cried, "But she always plays with Tongtong and builds building blocks together, and they don't play with me. Today, during an outdoor walk, Lele went to catch insects with Tongtong..."
"Lingling, if you want to play with them, go together!" I was puzzled.
"Mom, but Lele said that I am her best friend!"
I really can't figure it out! Isn’t it a very simple and casual thing for children to play with? I really don’t know why Lingling is so persistent in the title of “best friend”.
Teacher Zheng from kindergarten touched Lingling's head and explained to me, she said, "The children are different from us adults. They care about these promises very much. If they say they are best friends, but when they can't play together, they will feel betrayed and distrust."
I nodded and said to Lingling, "Lingling, maybe Lele wants to play with other children too! But you are still her best friend!"
"I don't believe it!" Lingling shook her head sadly, "I I don’t want to be like you and grandma! You are hypocritical. You talk bad things about each other every day and pretend to be very good."
After hearing Lingling's words, I blushed and whiter, and said, "Children, what do you know!"
"I understand!" Lingling's face was full of grievance, "I originally liked my mother and grandma, but now I don’t like you two anymore! I like Lele, she is my best friend! But..."
Looking at Lingling's big tears, I was speechless for a moment and had to hold her tightly in my arms. After class
, Teacher Zheng asked me clearly about my situation. I felt a little embarrassed and told the teacher everything about the "fight" with my mother-in-law. Teacher Zheng said to me: "Actually, children's understanding of the world is still in a very simple and direct stage. In this process, if family members keep slandering each other in front of her, this is very cruel to the child, she will be confused and in a dilemma. She originally loved you very much, but now she will lose confidence in interpersonal relationships: It turns out that no matter how good the relationship is, she will also say bad things to each other? No matter how bad the relationship is, sometimes they have to be hypocritical and patient together? If you continue, the child will be afraid of marriage and intimate relationships, which is enough to destroy her view of love and marriage!
After listening to Teacher Zheng's words, I suddenly realized that my mother-in-law and I took advantage of the child for our own selfish interests." "The sound tube" came to take revenge on the other party, which actually caused such great harm to the child!
However, my mother-in-law is a tough guy, and the more she said, the more she wanted to fight you. I decided to change from me.
4
I came up with a good idea.
When I got home from get off work, I took the express home. Looking at the express boxes of all sizes, my mother-in-law shook her head. Lingling was also very nervous. She whispered to me carefully: "Mom, why are you buying so many things again! Grandma will say you are spending money indiscriminately! "
I know she is afraid that the "mother-in-law and daughter-in-law war" will begin again, and she is going to be a sandwicher in the middle again!
I open the express delivery openly and told Lingling one by one that my mother bought kitchen paper , movable shoe racks, and seasonings, which are all essential things at home. Moreover, the activities on the website are very cheap, only 4.99 yuan, 9.99 yuan... My mother is picking up a big bargain.
Sure enough, when I heard me say the price is cheap, my mother-in-law, who was frowning just now, came over immediately and quickly picked up these things and asked one by one, "This is the price, that is the price, and that is the price, and I have to tell her the website." She took out her cell phone and couldn't do it for a long time, so she insisted that I teach her step by step. She also liked many special offers, and ordered this and that, and the local shopping carts were filled.
last checks the price, it is not cheap, it costs more than 200 yuan.
This is not a small amount for mother-in-law who is used to saving. I joked, "Mom, you bought a lot this time!" The mother-in-law said, "It's a good deal! Xiao Qiu, you'll find a way. Even if you buy so many things in the vegetable market, you have to spend a lot of money! That's how much!" In the corner of my eyes, I glanced at Lingling and saw her breathing a long sigh, as if she had become much more relaxed.
A few days later, packages of all sizes came one after another, and my mother-in-law happily opened them one by one, and she praised me repeatedly. When I saw that Lingling's face began to be full of smiles.
Of course, my mother-in-law still has some dissatisfaction with me in life. However, I will never "fight" with her head on again. She came from Lingling's mouth. I always helped Lingling analyze from my mother-in-law's perspective, either correcting it or thinking of some tricks to let my mother-in-law join our team. There are less complaints at home and more laughter.
Children are the emotional bond between our mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. We must continuously convey our love to this seedling, let the child learn to understand and tolerate, rather than putting the child in a dilemma and becoming a seedling lacking love and trust.
excerpted from "Shareful Worry" Issue 12, 2021 Page P42-43
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