Parents love their children and protect them is natural and there is nothing wrong with them.
But from some of the parents I have learned, including my own personal experience, some Chinese parents have indeed done some things in loving their children!
For example, if parents get seriously ill, they may choose to hide it from their children, and they will not tell their children if their parents divorce.
In their hearts, this approach is to protect children, which is a kind lie.
In fact, this cannot protect children. It is because parents themselves do not understand education and have limited cognition and need to learn.
(I)
Can parents tell their children if they are sick?
My mother died of illness in my senior year of high school. I was taking a medical examination until the exam was completed and my family told me to inform me to go back.
They had hidden me from me before. I never knew what my mother's condition was like, and I didn't know that she didn't have much time.
I was a student at that time and I was not very confident about their approach, but I just felt that they shouldn't deceive me.
Their practices have made me feel regretful for the rest of my life and cannot be compensated. At that time, I heard some relatives describing how painful my mother was when she left, and I felt so uncomfortable that I couldn't say.
Sometimes the dearest and most loved ones are gone, and the pain will be stronger in the days to come.
In the next ten years, the pain of losing my mother and the regret of not seeing her for the last time gradually magnified. I often blame myself for not taking care of my mother for the last time. For a while, I often had nightmares and woke up from my dreams.
I also hated the ignorant thoughts of my family, and I was once very dissatisfied with my father.
I once told him that I was just a one-time exam at that time. Even in the real college entrance examination, no matter how good the score I get, it is no more important than meeting my mother for the last time.
What I want is just someone who tells me a fact, that is the person who gave birth to me and loves me. In any case, I have the most right to know her true situation.
I dare say that if my family told me the real situation at that time, I would have known my mother’s condition earlier, which would give me the opportunity to spend more time with my mother, and I would have performed better during the college entrance examination!
However, things have passed, and my accusations and struggles are useless. I have also healed myself through continuous learning. Now I share this experience and hope that more people will think more.
(II)
Can you really not tell the child about divorce?
In fact, when parents treat their children's education, the so-called protection is entirely based on their parents' cognition. They ignore their children's true thoughts and wishes. They don't even know that their cognition is limited.
For example, some parents divorced but pretended to be a couple for the sake of their children and slept together, thinking that this was a sign of loving their children, but this behavior was the greatest harm to their children.
Each of us hopes to see truth, goodness and beauty, and even more so for children. If the child knows how much burden and guilt she will have to be in her heart if her parents act for her.
Why do parents choose to deceive their children with kind lies? Because they ignore that their children also have independent personality, ignore that their children also have their own self-worth, ignore that their children also love them, and children also hope that their parents will be good. Even if divorce is a blow to the children, it is a blow to the children, and such parents unilaterally deprive their children of the opportunity to grow up!
This behavior of parents is first of all selfish. They do not really understand the inner world of their children, and secondly they are arrogant. They think they protect their children.
A child who truly has an independent personality and can grow up healthily does not need the role of a father or a mother. If this is the case, how can those orphans live?
What children need in their growth process is love, a harmonious environment, and recognition of self-worth.
The love here is not the love between parents, the love between parents is love, the love between men and women, that is the affairs of parents and has nothing to do with children.
The love here does not necessarily come from the love of parents. What the child needs is the love given to her, and it may be relatives and friends. So sometimes we hear some successful people say that the person who has the greatest influence on them may not be parents, but may be a relative or teacher who loves them.
As long as you satisfy love, a harmonious environment, and self-worth identification, your children can grow up healthily! However, in China, some people who are not of high quality will wear tinted glasses to look at divorce, orphans, etc.
The divorce rate in China is very high now. We must face up to the fact that divorced families are not special families. Children from divorced families are not different and should not be labeled!
How many successful people are all children from divorced families, such as Musk, such as Ren Zhengfei , the eldest daughter Meng Wanzhou , are all children from divorced families, because they experience setbacks one step earlier than some children who are "protected" by their parents, and they are growing up in a real environment of growth!
There is nothing that cannot be said for parents to divorce, but they just need to let the child know that although you are divorced, their parents are still good friends, and their parents still love you forever. I promise, if you tell your child like this, she will go play again immediately after hearing this.
This way the child will feel that you attach importance to her existence. You can tell her so frankly that when she grows up, she will understand that love may not be forever. When she meets love in the future, she will treat it more maturely and will not be easily hurt.
I once successfully brought a particularly rebellious young man back on track, and her parents couldn't communicate with her. I think the best and most effective method I use is to communicate with her sincerely and sincerely from the perspective of her child. So, she believes me!
It is necessary for children to see true love, perhaps this love does not necessarily come from their parents. But only when they see it will they believe it and meet it.
pretended happiness will only affect children's ability to tell whether it is true or false when they encounter love in the future.
Finally, I hope parents can be more sincere and think from the perspective of others. If you are a child, what answers do you want?
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