The word "sagging" has become popular recently. It originated from a Weibo post posted by blogger @淡卡卡, which recorded the family he met when he traveled on a plane.
This family is traveling, and there should be a child’s ID expired, so his mother accompanied the child without boarding the plane and then went home. The rest of the family had already boarded the plane and all the luggage was checked in his mother's name. Because my mother did not board the plane, all her luggage was pulled down and returned.
is equivalent to the rest of the people coming to travel naked. The family seemed to be unaffected, and the atmosphere throughout the whole process was very relaxed! They also happily talked about whether they should buy some daily necessities when they arrived at their destination, and it seemed like this was the case. (See the figure below for detailed records)
Seeing this, I thought about what I would do? You may lose your temper or complain. But the family was so calm and peaceful in handling emergencies.
This Weibo post resonated with many netizens, and they left messages to express their envy.
Some people say that this is related to the family’s economic conditions. If you have money, you are not afraid of losses! Of course, we can make it calm.
Actually, this is not the key to the problem. In essence, it is the ability to actively solve problems when encountering things, the ability to manage emotions, and a peaceful way of communication.
Some families, even if they are not well-off, have a stable and relaxed atmosphere. Everyone in the family can gain a sense of security and belonging. This feeling of stability will make the whole family better and better.
1. In the face of emergencies, focus on solving problems
In life, we will inevitably encounter mistakes in doing things and disrupt the plan by emergencies. The more at this time, the more the connection between our family members is tested. If you encounter something, blame each other and even lose your temper. It will only make things worse.
This reminds me of this. Some time ago, my child accidentally dropped my phone into the gap between the tatami and the wall at home. Both sides of the tatami were stuck by the pillars on the wall at home. Only by moving the entire tatami out can you get the phone. What to do if
? With my own strength, I can't move the entire tatami out. At this time, I was naturally very angry, but I quickly told me rationally that I should not lose my temper with my children. Even though in the end, I couldn't help but say something to my child, telling you not to play around!
Everyone should understand modern people, the kind of crazy thing that doesn’t have mobile phones. I made an appointment in the afternoon for a lecture, and the other party’s contact information and address were on my mobile phone. Take out your phone as soon as possible! I tried it myself, but I couldn't move it at all, and I couldn't smash the tatami. The only way to contact the master who was assembled at that time was to help remove it. I quickly used another backup mobile phone to contact the merchant who helped us customize tatami at that time. The merchant’s customer service told me that the master would come to help that night as soon as possible.
It seems that I can only think of a solution myself. I encourage the child to say that we should move it out together, increase the distance between the tatami and the wall, and then take out the phone. Finally, he pushed the tatami apart with his child for some distance, and used a stick to push the phone away from the edge. The child picked up the phone with his little hand. I was very happy when I successfully picked up my phone. I couldn't help but hug the child, almost forgetting that he dropped his phone.
In fact, when the child saw me calling the merchant, he was already actively trying to figure out a solution. He was so anxious that he was almost crying! And keep saying, "I didn't mean it." When he heard me say that we should push the tatami out together, he used his strength to push it out desperately.
Afterwards, I always wondered, what would happen if I lost my temper and scolded the child?
2, be a tolerant parent.
Everyone may make mistakes, and we should also give children a chance to make mistakes.If the tolerance rate of children making mistakes is very low, criticize and blame the children in a head-on manner if they do something wrong.
This will create a tense, high-pressure family atmosphere, and the children's sense of security is getting lower and lower, and they often feel nervous and anxious, afraid of doing something wrong.
Children are in the weakest position, is under emotional pressure from parents, and their physical and mental development will be negatively affected .
If a child dares to make mistakes and is afraid of being punished, it will naturally weaken the child's desire to explore, lack courage and courage, and his growth potential will be suppressed.
This reminds me again that my two valuable jade bracelets were accidentally broken by children. Did you say I was angry at that time? You must be angry! But when I saw the child's horrified expression, I held back and didn't let myself lose my temper. Because his horror expression had already told me his fear. I tried my best tone to calmly say to him, "What should I do? You are making a fortune again today!"
He lowered his head very embarrassedly and said in a low voice, "I'm growing up, I'll compensate you, okay?" I said, OK! I'll wait for that day.
In fact, I have been heartbroken for a long time. But when we think that we mother and son did not have a big conflict over this incident, we did not cause too much psychological burden on the child. Then I feel relieved! Because these are more valuable than expensive items.
Think about the fact that children grow up in a tense and high-pressure family atmosphere for a long time, and they will become picky and petty. When encountering things, they like to blame others and shirk responsibility, which is not conducive to the development of interpersonal relationships.
What is even more worrying is that if affected children do not know how to reflect on themselves and change, they will not feel that they will copy this pattern of getting along with each other into the next generation's family relationship, pass it on from generation to generation, and fall into a vicious cycle.
Let’s think about it ourselves. Do we often naturally copy the attitudes our parents towards us to our children now?
Broken jade
3, establish a loose and warm parent-child relationship
is a place to talk about "love", not a place to talk about "reason". Family education should set rules and principles for children, but the family is not the army or the court. There are not so many problems that are either "black" or "white".
Everyone desires to feel safe and relaxed at home, and can be accepted and tolerated no matter what they look like.
Love and warmth in a family will become a person's confidence in life, full of courage and confidence, and face life calmly.
My grandmother once told me that when I was about five or six years old, I accidentally broke a very beautiful cup at home (it is said to be more expensive than ordinary cups). I was so scared that I cried loudly. My father did not blame me, but instead hugged me away as soon as possible and kept comforting me. In that era of material scarcity, children from many families would definitely be scolded or beaten. I have no impression of
, but grandma often mentioned it when I was a child. It means that Dad "want" us very much. Never be willing to beat us up or scold us. It was rare in the era when we grew up. It is also because of my father's "tolerance" that we sisters feel the "warmth" and "love" of home. Even if my father goes to another world now, he will have infinite power whenever he thinks of it. I think it is also because of this that gave me the courage and confidence to make a living. Because you know there will always be someone to support you.
In life, there are always things that disrupt plans and make people feel exhausted. How we view things and attitude towards dealing with problems is important. If you fall into the vortex of emotions, it will make you feel even more physically and mentally exhausted.
In fact, when we encounter things, we can change our way of thinking: change what can be changed, accept what cannot be changed, and focus on solving problems rather than self-attacking and blaming others.
In this way, we will be much more relaxed and happy, and the people around us will also be infected.
Especially when educating children, parents should not be too strict.
For growing children, it is normal to make mistakes. Parents are more patient and tolerant, giving their children a certain amount of time and space, which will help their children more.
The "sagging" of the parent-child relationship is related to the psychological security and emotional state of each family member. Don’t blame each other when encountering things, don’t argue with each other, and take it calmly and take it together. As adults, we must improve our cognition and self-control.
calm down before facing it. Cultivating one's own mentality is a lifelong topic.
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