Author | smile Happy Winged Student
Coordinates | Shandong Linyi
Dabao performed well in all aspects of the school, but the teacher of the child mentioned to me that Dabao is still quite lacking in self-confidence.
It seems that I have dug a lot of holes during the growth of my child. Next, I started the long "way to fill the pit" of .
33August 4
The pit I dug myself, and slowly fill in
Thinking about the reasons why children form inferiority complex, I checked one by one from the aspects of the child’s own, family, experience, personality, etc.
First of all, itself . Dabao looks relatively thin among children of the same age.
I asked him: "Will you feel that you are not as thinner and shorter than your classmates?"
He shook his head and said no.
Then Family aspects , don't ask him this, I know very well.
The child is not doing well enough, and I often belittle him, scold him, and even beat him. So much so that when I get angry now, he will subconsciously curl up and hold his head with both hands.
Seeing this scene, I felt very guilty. How deep the pit I dug for my child!
He is not confident now, and even if he does a good job, he will not be sure of himself.
As Teacher Huang said, even if you already have the corresponding abilities, the child may not be confident enough.
I usually give him too much negative feelings, and the child dare not let go and try.
Speaking of experience , even if I really experienced some bad things in the past, I think, as long as I look at it from the perspective of resources, it is a good resource.
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positive encouragement and timely affirmation. The child's progress exceeded my expectations
Today is the 5th day of Xiaobao's trial class for kindergarten and primary school transition. In fact, after listening to the first day, I originally thought he could not hold on.
On the first day, Xiaobao came back from school and was indeed a little uncomfortable. He was not very happy. I noticed his emotions in time and guided him to speak out.
Xiaobao complained, "The class is a bit boring, and it's too long, it's a little uncomfortable."
I quickly gave him a hug and said,
"Yes, mom can see that you have been playing carefree and have to attend class upright all of a sudden, and you don't know the children here, and mom is not by your side. You went to adapt to the new environment alone today, and you persisted. You are really amazing. Mom gives you a big thumbs up."
What he said to me doesn't seem to have a big feeling.
I can understand him, and as for what he learned in class, I didn't ask at all. I knew that his feelings were the most important at this moment. I asked him again how he ate lunch, whether it was suitable for his taste, and whether his arm hurt during lunch break...
When I went to bed at night, I wrote him "definitely posted" and read it to him. He smiled happily after listening.
I continued to ask, "Do you want to try to attend the class tomorrow?" He agreed.
As expected, is definitely very powerful. When you see your children do well, you will instantly affirm and encourage them. The children's progress is far beyond our imagination.
3333333333333333333333The homework storm
Yesterday weekend, the child played relaxed for a day. It was not until after dinner that Dabao realized that he had not written any homework at all. I didn't urge me to do the whole process, I just asked about my homework.
Dabao finished his meal and started to do his homework consciously. This is worthy of recognition.
However, I don’t know if it’s because of the inattentiveness or the anxiousness, Dabao’s excerpts were drawn three times, and the handwriting was not standardized.
I was sure he could learn independently, and then pointed out the places where the typos were corrected. He was obviously a little unhappy and pouted and said, "Do you want to tear it off? I don't want to tear it off, so I will write it in vain."
I expressed my understanding, his emotions were a little relieved, and finally we discussed: I used to circle the typos for him, and he corrected it below.
However, Dabao still wrote it wrong the second time. Before I could speak, he cried aggrievedly and said, "Why is it still wrong? What should I do? It seems that I really want to tear it out, but I don't want to tear it out!"
Then, he made an action that surprised me: he tore off the page, walked out of the study angrily, and began to hit himself hard.
I hurriedly followed him to stop it. At this moment, I remembered that before this, one time, because Dabao did not do his homework well, there were too many changes and the paper was not neat, I tore the test paper for him.
Thinking of 341 affirmation , I hurried and said gently:
"I can especially understand your mood. If it were me, I also felt sad and annoyed. I don't want to tear off the homework I have worked hard to do.
However, if you can take the initiative to do your homework today, you don't need to remind me. This is very conscious. This is particularly worthy of affirmation!"
He remained silent, and his emotions calmed down at this moment.
I then said:
"Let's look at this from a different perspective, for example, this is in the exam room, you have corrected it many times, is the whole paper not very beautiful?
This time it is not an exam. We encounter this situation when we are practicing, so we can correct it in time, remind us, write You must be serious, read clearly, and then write after thinking.
This will not happen until the exam is taken. What a good experience for you! So, we have to thank this little situation. "
After hearing this, his emotions calmed down a lot. After we played a small game, I asked him how many points he was angry at that time, and he said there were 8 or 9 points.
I asked him how many points he has now, and he said, "It's only 2 or 3 points!"
It seems that this communication is effective, accepting Dabao's emotions and also allowing his emotions to flow. A homework storm allowed the son to learn to accept emotions and look at the problem from the perspective of resources.
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33 Supplement homework is emotional, 341 method is used
The summer vacation is coming to an end, and Dabao's homework is still not completed. To be honest, I am also anxious. After discussing with Dabao, we jointly formulated a plan to "Challenge 7-day homework to complete all work".
Because I played too well in the early stage, I lost a lot of homework. Fortunately, Dabao has a motivated heart and does not want to default on homework. It’s just that he loves to play and cannot hold back, which leads to a backlog of homework.
I chose to accept him, and at the same time I also saw that he did not want to default on homework, so I faced the challenge with him, so I had the next scene:
Me: I just saw that you were distracted when doing your homework. Are you tired of writing and needing to take a break?
Dabao: Yes, the teacher assigned too many homework this time, and he was sore in writing, so he didn't want to write it anymore.
I am sure of his Emotion and motivation : Yes, if you are tired, take a break. You can eat some fruit, go downstairs and ride a bicycle for a few laps, so as to achieve a combination of work and rest! You don’t want to do your homework because you think it’s too much homework and it takes up your time to play, right?
Dabao: Yes, I don’t have time to ride a bicycle, so I didn’t ride it yesterday.
I am sure he did a good job: Yes! You see, you are actually very conscious. Yesterday, I didn’t arrange time for myself to do my homework, so I did not arrange my homework.
I am sure what he can improve: in the future, we have to combine work and rest, subdivided our homework, set a small plan for ourselves, and complete some every day, such as memorizing a few ancient poems, practicing a few lines of words, and doing some oral calculations every day. In fact, after subdividing it, there is not much homework every day, and there is still plenty of time to play, right?
Dabao: Yes.
333333333333A letter to his son
History starts soon, and Dabao's homework is still not completed. I reminded him to do his homework, but I had to shout it many times every time.
At the beginning, I was able to accept it, but his performance was still unsatisfactory. So, I got angry with him again, and scolded him.
From my perspective, I think: I have accepted you very much, why are you still not in a hurry?
Afterwards, I started to review and wrote to him. When I was writing the letter, I felt that I was still writing with emotion, and maybe I didn’t accept my emotions.
Now, I read the letter again, and I can clearly feel that I still haven't accepted him from the bottom of my heart.
I reviewed it again. When I wrote this article, I felt that my emotions had calmed down a lot, and my views were also different from before.
Why is it me who is anxious about the child? What am I worried about?
In fact, I didn’t accept myself. I think in my heart that a child does not do his homework is equivalent to having no good future. So, when he doesn't do things as I want, I feel that he is wasting time, so my children cannot stop studying.
Many times, I always worry about the future in advance and have serious mental internal friction.
realizes this, and I use 0~100 acceptance method to accept my imperfection, my emotional fluctuations, and what I can't do for the time being.
I hope the child can live his own life. I don’t want him to be my copy, and I don’t want him to follow my point of view and follow his steps.
I am just the guide of a certain journey in his life. During this journey, I must study hard, grow hard, take positive guidance, give him a positive feeling, and give him a sense of security. After reviewing the
, my emotions became much calmer, and I realized again that emotions are flowing energy.
Before, I crossed the line too much and interfered with my children's field. I want to respect the boundaries and let him find the feeling of making decisions in his own field.
39/16
Meet a better self
I am a student of Class 37th Class 3716, and joined the "Anxiety Mom Transfiguration Scheme" on July 8th. To be honest, I was attracted as soon as I saw it, because I was also an "anxious" mother and I wanted to "transform".
When I was reading the recording of the article, there were some cases in it that deeply touched me. While I was enjoying their stories and sharing them, I felt their transformation step by step. I really felt a lot of feelings deep in my heart.
When reading their articles, the 341 affirmation method is often mentioned, which is known as "master key" . At that time, I didn't know what 341 affirmation method was, and I didn't know how to use it.
In the subsequent course, the class talked about the specific content of the 341 affirmation method, and I only knew that there was such a thing and did not study it in depth.
Later, I joined the home learning system to learn more deeply about what the 341 affirmation method is, including how to use it.
Self-confidence course is about to end, and I also realized what they said before, "341 affirmation method is the master key". If so, whoever uses it will know!
By learning Self-confidence course , I feel that my mentality is really much calmer than before.
I often realize my words and deeds, accept my imperfect self, and accept my children. I am not always using the standard of 100 points as before, and all my unhappiness comes from disacceptance.
Focus on yourself, yourself is the root of everything, if you change yourself, the world will change, be grateful to meet, and look forward to meeting a better self!
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