丨Source of summer
丨China Psychological Counselor Growth Alliance
ID: gcocp2014
After watching the two sets of videos, I felt a little sad. The first video of
was in the hospital.
A child who is still wearing a diaper, is in bed with him in the hospital.
he would sit next to his sick mother obediently and watch cartoons on his mobile phone;
would take a slice of bread and dig out and feed it into his mother’s mouth;
would suck his fingers and lay quietly on his mother Sleeping next to him;
He doesn't cry or make trouble. He seems to understand that his mother is in pain now. He wants to use his warm heart and sensibility to bring some comfort to his mother.
Another set of videos is in the Wuhan subway.
A mother got on the wrong bus because she didn't know the terminal was Jinyintan. The girl accompanying
put her hand in her pocket and angrily kicked her mother's suitcase with her foot.
kicked more and more vigorously, and then kicked her mother vigorously, even pushing her with her hands. The passerby next to
couldn't stand to speak out to persuade her, and used her body to block her mother, but she did not expect the girl to hit someone directly. The most annoying thing about
is that the mother, who was humiliated by her daughter in public, persuaded passers-by who had beaten up for her to leave.
Looking at her mother's thin body, pushing two large suitcases, and looking at her daughter who is crazy about her mother, it is really a pity, pitifulness and hate. Bai Yansong, the famous host of
, commented:
“If you are not a parent, you are naturally a qualified parent. As your child grows up, you should hold at least 51% of your holdings. Change yourself first, otherwise you will bear more and more children.”
deeply thinks Of course.
The child's arrogance and domineering are inseparable from the parental pampering.
Every child is born with a blank sheet of paper. They have a natural awe and dependence on their parents. Why do they deviate more and more from their nature as they grow up?
Mr. Lu Xun said: does not necessarily use a knife to kill, but to kill may be the most brilliant trick. The same goes for
, the most concealed way to destroy a child is to "to kill".
· 01 ·
dotes on the personality of a child
often sees such a scene:
the child pulls his mother's hair desperately, the mother does not stop it, but smiles and says:
"You look at this child, too naughty "Z2z
, because he was not satisfied with the child, he shook his fist at his mother, and lay down on the ground. Not only was the mother not angry, but with a sense of proud satisfaction, he said:
I'm used to lawlessness."
In short, no matter what behavior the child does, the parents treat the child as a beloved pet, obediently and deliberately indulging.
The American psychologist Diana Baumlind once showed through research on this kind of parenting: if indulgent parents fully accept their children and let them make any decisions, they will always have a positive attitude towards their children’s thoughts;
then Most of the children who grow up under this kind of parenting are immature, poorly independent, and lack sense of responsibility. They give play to themselves at will, and are generally more impulsive and aggressive. In the
movie "Manslaughter", Su Cha's mother is an iron-fisted and ruthless police chief, but she loves her son very much.
When Sucha was 16 years old, she bought Sucha a cool sports car.
Sucha fought with people and almost blinded others. She used her position to force her to send it with 100,000 coins.
She has no bottom line for her son, wipes her butt, and cultivates her son more and more assholes.
Su Cha undertook drugs and raped female classmates, and even broke into the female classmate's home boldly in an attempt to commit violence again. After
was discovered on the spot by the female classmate’s mother, he not only did not regret or fear at all, but unscrupulously beat the mother and daughter, and even ranted:
"Then you replace her..."
Yin Jianli teacher said:
zzDoting is not love, it is the deepest hurt.
If Sucha's mother taught her son to stop doing things very early, Sucha would not be lawless.
If Sucha's mother taught her son to be kind and respectful, Sucha would not be killed by mistake.
The fate of children is hidden in the way of education of parents.
Spoiling children too much will make them unable to form a sense of responsibility.
Being responsive to children will make them lose their moral bottom line.
Children do their own way, and continue to be lost in their own world. One day they will cause catastrophe and regret.
· 02 ·
excessively praised the talent of "to kill" children
I don't know why, our education always likes to go from one extreme to the other extreme.
The "stick education" is too harsh, and the "appreciation education" is too much praise.
The child completed an assignment, and the parents praised "You are awesome."
The child helped clean up, and the parents praised "You are awesome."
The child drew a picture and the parents praised "You are awesome." At the time, they will even announce the children’s various advantages and achievements to the public, so that the children will grow up in praise.
But Jim Taylor, a psychologist at the University of San Francisco, believes that
"good job" is the laziest compliment, the least valuable compliment, and the most harmful compliment.
still remember He Shilong, the "calligraphy prodigy"?
He Shilong inherited his father's business and practiced calligraphy since he was a child. He was famous at the age of 7. At the age of 9, he created a 30-meter-long scroll with 26 calligraphers such as Qian Chaowu and Li Duo. When
was 11 years old, a piece of "Love Without Borders" was bought by Vice President Mao Daqing of Vanke at a high price of 110,000 yuan.
became famous when he was young and has huge potential.
At that time, many people thought that he would become the "Tang Bohu" of contemporary China.
However, 12 years later, He Shilong's characters have dropped in price, and he even sold characters on Kuaishou live broadcast, and netizens' comments on him have become "abandoned" from "genius".
Actually, the change of fate is inseparable from the short-sightedness of parents.
comes from a family of calligraphy, He Shilong is talented.
Although he is young, he is powerful and does not lose to adults.
works hard, and in time, it will definitely accomplish a lot.
But his parents saw that he was so good at a young age and couldn't restrain his pride and joy. They kept arranging various programs for him to increase his exposure.
praises came from all directions, and He Shilong's talent was also consumed in the temporary temptation of fame. Z2z
Mr. Cai Yuanpei once said:
"I am tired, and the one who kills the horse is on the sidelines." Of those.
Every growing child judges his own behavior and value through his parents' eyes.
Parents’ complacency and pride in their children will destroy their children’s will to work hard, and the children’s will to endure too much praise will destroy their own future.
03 ·
What kind of children can "hold up"
Mr. Tao Xingzhi said:
training and educating people is the same as planting flowers and trees. First of all, we must understand the characteristics of flowers and trees, and give fertilization, watering, and education to different situations. Z61z
blindly "holding" will destroy a child.
blindly "killing" will destroy a child.
Only according to the child's personality, his own ability, and teaching in accordance with his aptitude can a child thrive in the soil suitable for him.
Augie in "Miracle Boy" suffers from a rare genetic disease. Despite 27 operations, his ugly face still scares children when they go out.
On the first day of enrollment at the age of 10, the complicated gazes of the people around made Augie beaten all over his body. He asked his mother sadly: "Why am I so ugly?"
Mother gently took Augie's hand, affirmedSay:
"Augie, you are not ugly.
Everyone has different marks on their faces. When you had your first operation, I had this wrinkle. When you had the last operation, I had these wrinkles. ..."
Later, Augie wore a helmet all day to avoid the strange eyes of others. He felt that this was a barrier between him and the real world, and it was safe to hide in the helmet.
Dad Nate secretly hid Auggie’s helmet and told him at the graduation ceremony:
"I want to see your face, although you don’t like it very much, but I like it. This is my son’s face, I I want to see him."
"expectation effect" proves that
praise, trust, and expectation have a certain amount of energy, and it can change people's behavior. Mother
's determination gave Augie the courage to face the world. The praise and trust of
father gave Augie the confidence to accept the challenge of life.
Augie finally learns to use his humor to fight his misfortune, and uses his optimism and open-mindedness to gain a bunch of friends.
In real life, there are also many timid children who dare not say hello when they see others.
has many inferiority children who cannot express themselves bravely and confidently.
has many children with poor grades. They feel that they are inferior to others and dare not ask questions, let alone answer them.
They are lacking in their hearts but eager.
At this time, the parents' "holding" is timely rain.
Use love to encourage timid children.
Use trust to strengthen children with low self-esteem.
use respect to nourish children who are weak and afraid of failure.
World-renowned education expert Maria Montessori said:
children have inherent vitality, we must believe that every child has inherent potential and advantages, and parents help him to use this energy effectively The dominant person released.
What a child becomes is all shaped by his parents.
Raising children is a technical job. The grasp of
degree is the wisdom of being a parent.
