Text/HuaShe
-
There is a saying that goes like this: "Children are a mirror for parents."
A newborn child is like a piece of white paper. What kind of picture will be added afterwards is determined by experience, education level, and personality, and it is determined by parents.
Strictly speaking, parents' education is greater than other influencing factors.
Because in most cases, children follow their parents when they are born, and the objects they learn and imitate are also their parents.
As Chen Heqin, who focuses on early childhood education, once said: "Sometimes, when parents do not understand how their children become like this. As the saying goes, 'It's crooked', but in fact, the answer is hidden in the parents."
Parents with a pattern have a long-term vision and the ability to understand problems, so that they can educate their children well.
It can be said that the child’s pattern is achieved by the parents’ pattern.
. In fact, the size of a person’s pattern can be seen from his attitude towards children that the bigger the pattern, the more people can do these things.
"Start by example" when educating children
psychologist Yang Jie shared a case.
A mother found him and complained that her son was disobedient. She was not only naughty and willful, but also liked to fight with her classmates. She was helpless in her children's education.
After in-depth understanding, Yang Jie found that the problems in the child could be found in this mother.
This mother likes to beat and scold the child when her child is not good and naughty and willful. Although she is so angry, she still follows her as she is. Whenever she has conflicts with others, she likes to use fighting to solve problems.
In addition, this mother has a low education and doesn't like to study. She either plays on her mobile phone or watches TV every day. Her child is the same as hers and she doesn't care about studying.
So Yang Jie said to the mother, "Why do you try to read books when your child is studying every day?"
She replied, "Why am I reading? I don't go to school, and I am so old that I can't sit still."
It's something that I can't do, and I ask my child to do. Although it is out of good intentions, it cannot be a role model in the eyes of children, even if it is good intentions, it may not necessarily have good results.
Parents with big patterns never just solve their children’s problems. They are more willing to pay attention to themselves, optimize themselves first, and then educate their children.
After all, the impact of long-term wrong demonstrations on children is greater than a correct education or two.
Keep the distance of "a bowl of soup"
Once, when listening to a lecture on pedagogy, I highly agree with a point of view: the distance between parents and children should be kept at a good distance of "a bowl of soup".
What is the distance between "a bowl of soup"?
Simply put, it is to grasp the standard of getting along with your children. If it is too close, the soup will burn people. If it is too far away, the soup will hurt the stomach.
Many parents worry too much about their children since childhood and want to take care of them too much, which in the end, the children lose their ability to be independent, which is the disadvantage of being too close.
So, can the child get closer when he grows up?
can't even think about it.
People will inevitably have friction and conflicts when they get along with each other. Only by knowing how to keep a certain distance can we ease the conflicts between each other and present the best side of each other.
Parents with big patterns know how to give their children free space when they are young and let them grow freely; when their children grow up, they also know how to respect their choices and make them responsible for their lives.
Parents can never spend their lives on their children's behalf, so what parents can do is teach them how to move forward, not protect them from being hurt.
Gives a real sense of security
Do you still remember the "frustration education" that was very popular in the past few years?
Simply put, it means that children are afraid of and they have to face what they need to face. It seems that only by overcoming their own fear can they become a better self.
But is this really good for the child?
Some parents cry for their children every day, hoping that their children will develop the good moral of "frugality" from an early age, but when their children grow up, they become a person who regards wealth as their lives, and even lower the bottom line for money, because they suffer too much money.
Some parents help their children become independent since childhood. Even if their children are afraid of thunder, they hope that they can face it alone. However, when they grow up, their children are full of distrust of others and their love for their parents is also very weak.
The fundamental reason is that parents give wrong feedback when they should accompany their children.
So, how to get along with your children correctly?
gives them a sense of security.
can educate children to be frugal, but the premise is to tell the children that parents can rely on. It’s not that the family has no money, but we all need to work hard to make money.
You can hope that children face fear directly, but they need to be supported when necessary.
Parents with big patterns never embarrass their children; parents with small patterns feel that embarrassing their children will make them grow.
A friend shared a story.
When he was tutoring his children at home, he saw that his children could not even calculate the area simply and couldn't help but yell.
At this time, a colleague called and he answered patiently. He heard the child say to his mother: "Why is my father so fierce to me and so good to others."
At that moment, my friend was shocked to realize the mistake he made in the education process.
Every child cannot be perfect. What is a parent is not to make the child perfect, but to try to eliminate the imperfections in them and make them have a better tomorrow.
The key to educating children is to learn to set an example, keep a distance, and give a sense of security.
Parents with big patterns educate their children's tomorrow; parents with small patterns are limited to their children's today.
May we all have more patience with our children, and our future needs to be carefully managed.
—END—
