#1
One thing happened last night: After dinner, our family went downstairs for a walk, and Tongtong and the neighbor's young lady were playing with a scooter together.
At first, the two sisters chased each other and looked very beautiful.
Nahe Tongtong has been a careless "fairy" since she was a child. There was a huge puddle in front of her, and she didn't see it.
As a result, Tongtong stepped into the puddle and splashed the young lady all over the mud.
The next picture is that the young lady cried at a loss, while Tongtong was stunned in place with a blank look on her face.
In order to alleviate the embarrassing scene, I quickly pulled Tongtong to apologize. Unexpectedly, this little man became arrogant and refused to say sorry.
After returning home, I criticized her: "You dirty the lady's skirt and don't apologize. Next time I won't play with you, what do you do!"
I thought Tongtong would be very anxious, but I didn't expect the little girl to say, "She stepped on my feet, I won't apologize!"
Seeing that this momentum was to fight against the old mother to the end, I didn't expect that the little girl said, "She also stepped on my feet, I won't apologize!"
Seeing that this momentum was to fight against the old mother to the end, so I didn't Gentle, she said again: "But you make people cry and hurt others, you have to apologize."
Now Tongtong got angry. He put his hands on his hips and wanted to pout to the sky. He said angrily: "Hmph! I don't want to listen to my mother! Mom is wrong!"
This sentence made my head buzz. I was not angry because of this, but suddenly realized that Tongtong really grew up.
#2
Why do I say that the child has grown up?
Before, when Tongtong was young, she almost did whatever she asked her to do.
It was not until yesterday that I discovered that the child had become "disobedient" without realizing it, and even began to "talk back".
In fact, this is the first sign of the growth of children - The budding of self-awareness.
In fact, many mothers will find this phenomenon during parenting: Children always like to keep the word "don't" in their mouths when they are around 3-5 years old.
This shows that the child has the ability to think independently, so when he finds that his ideas are different from his parents, he will "talk back".
However, many parents will regard this normal phenomenon as a manifestation of their children's disobedience, so they often use many rough methods to stop their children, such as verbal reprimands.
But in the end you will find that the more you curb your child’s backtrack, the more rebellious he is.
Because it needs to let parents see their inner thoughts, express their needs and dissatisfaction with the outside world.
What you need to know is that children do this not intentionally to get along with their parents. This is normal and healthy. Therefore, we need to look at the normal growth and changes of children with a normal mind, rather than trying our best to suppress them.
#3
An expert once did a study:
They divided children aged 2-5 into two groups. One group has a strong resistance component in their personality and likes to talk back; while the other group of children has a weak personality and is usually very well-behaved.
After years of observation, 80% of the children who like to talk back are people with strong independent judgment skills, while the children with weaker personalities are more likely to rely on others.
If you want to help your children grow up healthily, we need to understand the psychological needs behind children’s talk back.
1. Prove that he is a "little adult"
The child began to say "no" to the adults and began to resist, in fact, to prove that he is no longer the little boy who only knows how to listen to parents' words.
If you always say "no" to your child, you will find that he prefers to imitate adults and say "no", because in the eyes of children, this is a symbol of growing up.
2. Attract parents' attention
Sometimes we are busy with other trivial matters in life and may ignore children. In order to attract parents' attention, children will try to contradict their parents.
The more obedient the child is, the less he is, the less he cannot attract the attention of parents. Therefore, they use a back-talking method to attract parents' attention.
3. Self-expression
Children will also have their own ideas and will also desire external recognition. Therefore, when parents or others' ideas are different from themselves, the children will say it out, which becomes the so-called "talking back".
After understanding the three psychological needs behind children’s backward words, do you think the “backward words” is not that serious?
#4
In fact, just like many parents, I am worried about the phenomenon of children talking back.
We will wonder, if the child is not corrected in time, will he develop the bad habit of contradicting his parents at any time?
This kind of worry is normal. Although talking back is a manifestation of the awakening of children's self-consciousness, its core is expression.
If we do not guide children in time, they will form an aggressive expression.
So next, what we have to do is teach children how to express correctly, even if their inner thoughts are different from others, don’t say them in a “tell back” way.
1. Separate emotions and thoughts
The reason why many children hurt people is because they always confuse emotions and thoughts.
Negative emotions are very aggressive, so emotional conversations will definitely make people feel uncomfortable.
So at this time, what parents need to do is to give them a certain amount of time to ease each time their children have negative emotions.
When the child is not so excited, try to guide him to express his inner thoughts.
We want to let the child understand: You can express different ideas, but you must learn to speak well.
2. Allow children to speak freely
Children who are always suppressed will gradually change from "not daring to say" to "not like to say".
Then, when parents want to communicate with their children, they will feel resistant and even talk back.
So, in normal times, we should give children space to speak so that they can express their thoughts and thoughts.
Children also need to feel respected. Why not try to give them an equal opportunity to talk so that children can learn to express themselves.
