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This article section:
01. He loved learning since he was a child, but his native family has many hidden dangers
02. As a top student, why did he suddenly become disgusted with learning?
03. Parents do these two things and guide their children to establish true self-confidence
04. A truly intimate parent-child relationship should reach this level
Last week, we shared a self-reported article of Yu De’s mother in person.
Yude came to the interview with his parents in March this year, when he was in his senior year. Yude has excellent grades since childhood and seems to be effortless in studying, but he began to experience anxiety, depression, and resistance to study in the second year of high school. After entering a key university, he failed the courses frequently, and consumed large amounts of online loans, etc.
He took a break from school for half a year after his junior year, but his condition was still bad after returning to school. Later, he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder by a psychiatric expert. But after taking the medicine, he became more drowsy, and he was difficult to concentrate on learning, and showed decadence, and he became anxious whenever he had something to do.
Yude's parents thought of many solutions, but they could not solve the problem. They felt that it was unsolvable and were very desperate. But after my interview, I analyzed in detail the deep-seated reasons for Yude's illness and provided practical suggestions. They felt that they saw hope and mastered some scientific methods.
Now, Yude has successfully graduated from university and has decided to take the postgraduate entrance examination. His mobility and mental outlook have improved significantly, and he can calm down and study for a while. His parents also had positive changes, and the family atmosphere became more harmonious.
However, I found that Yude's mother still did not understand the reason why her son's sudden decline in learning in the second year of high school and did not like to study, which also led to her still being confused and hesitant in guiding her children to build confidence and cultivate a tenacious personality.
This may also be a doubt faced by many parents: My child used to be both good at learning and good at learning, strong learning ability, very conscious and worry-free, but why did he suddenly become depressed, anxious, and inferior, and no longer like to study?
What changes have happened to this child’s heart? How should parents actively guide them?
below combines Yude's growth and illness experience to make a relatively in-depth analysis. I hope that parents who have similar situations can inspire them, and I hope that parents who have not yet encountered such situations will prevent them.
01. He loved to learn since he was a child, but his original family had many hidden dangers
When Yu De came to the interview, it was half a year ago, but I still had a deep impression of him.
His parents are both decent and well-educated people, and Yude is different from many patients. His good grades since childhood are not obtained by a lot of questions, tutoring, forced or supervising by his parents, but rather, he is interested in learning, is happy when he is studying, and has mastered more scientific learning skills.
So his mother said that many parents were in trouble because of urging and tutoring their children to do their homework, but she never experienced it. Her son quickly wrote the homework, which was extremely worry-free. My mother is also relatively relaxed to him. She plays easily and happily after finishing her homework, without adding extra amount.
Yu De also said during a consultation that he felt that the studies in elementary and junior high schools were not difficult, and the knowledge he learned was quite interesting, and his grades were good, and he had privileges in the class, so he would not be scolded by the teacher. He enjoyed it very much and was full of motivation.
Some people may be envious of this child, how did this child’s interest and ability in learning come from? Is it a natural learning material?
From the perspective of scientific spiritual psychology, it is not. Although there was no time to ask in detail during the interview, I think this was related to some of Yude's mother's educational methods. Although she did not teach her children directly, she guided her children to develop an interest in learning and mastered the more scientific learning method . Yude cultivated an efficient learning state.
Images are from the Internet
Whether the mother intentionally cultivates it or unintentionally planting willows to form shade, this is very rare. My mother has made great contributions to this point, and Yude has laid a better learning foundation for this.
But at the same time, Yude's native family environment is not ideal, which lays many hidden dangers in the future.
It can be seen from my mother's self-reported article that because of their different growth backgrounds and experiences, her three views are inconsistent, and she is prone to blame each other and blame each other. The two inevitably argue more in front of their son. Grandma Yude and her mother often have disagreements and conflicts.
Moreover, the father has been absent from accompanying and guiding his son for a long time and loves to play; while when the mother takes care of the child, she is sometimes more impatient and prone to getting angry. The mother later realized this, and her angry expression and tone were likely to scare the child.
I believe that my mother caused psychological trauma to Yude when she lost her temper, which may cause him to feel afraid to tell his mother something, but what kind of incident is and what extent it is, it must be discovered under deep hypnosis.
In other words, Yude and his father have no common language, and they dare not say much when facing their mother. He knew that it was really not easy for his mother to work and take care of herself. He was afraid of increasing the burden on her mother, and her mother was prone to getting angry. He might love her and be a little afraid of her mother.
This led to his thoughts, desires, or encountering problems that cannot be solved, he would hide them if he could, and would not report good news but not bad news. It was not until the end that his parents knew about it. But the problem is often quite serious at this time.
However, overall, the psychological harm caused to Yude by his mother was not great. He still has a good relationship with his mother. He is willing to communicate with his mother in terms of academic and life. After middle school, he complained that his mother had less communication with him.
Another thing is that Yude has had good grades since childhood and has been easy to learn. His father often shows off his son's deeds and praises his excellence as a natural person. Of course, other elders, teachers, etc. are inevitably praised often.
Yude's mother is wise. She realized that she could not do this and reminded her father to pay attention. But Yude may have received a lot of over-praise, formed a certain pathological positive emotional experience, and had an over-evaluation of his ability.
02. As a top student, why did he suddenly become disgusted with learning?
Then why did Yude, who had always been studious and self-conscious in his second year of high school, suddenly became less interested in studying and was in a low and anxious mood?
Yude's mother said that her husband called the child after drinking during that period and said something unreliable may be one of the reasons, but her son said no. In fact, this incident has little impact on Yude, and the more important thing is the other two reasons.
The first reason Yu De later told his mother. He used to think that he had good grades and everything was good, and that his teachers and classmates liked him. But after he went to a private high school, he found that some students had poor grades and did not study hard. However, their family's financial conditions and their hands were rich, which was also very popular among everyone, and even more popular than him, a good student with better grades but less pocket money.
I think in this regard, Yude may have suffered superimposed psychological trauma, such as the classmate who said he was poor and had no money intentionally or unintentionally. This made him feel inferior, annoyed that his family was not as rich as others, and that he developed a certain degree of vanity in the comparative style of his classmates.
I hope parents should pay more attention. Although some private middle schools and international high schools have good teaching resources or a relatively relaxed atmosphere, many students actually have bad views on their values, pursue food, drink, play and material enjoyment, and have a serious mentality of comparison.
If the child feels that he is not as good as others in this regard and lacks the active guidance and true self-confidence of his parents, he will easily suffer psychological harm in the comparison and his mentality will go off the line, which will affect his emotions and learning state.
So, if parents want their children to attend this type of school, it is best to think carefully and carefully examine the atmosphere and school spirit of the school. If children must be allowed to read, they should give them active guidance in advance, guide them to establish correct views, avoid comparative psychology, and maintain smooth communication and intimate parent-child relationships with their children.
Images are from the Internet
The second reason is that Yu De told me during the interview.
He said that when he was in his second year of high school, the teacher had already finished all the new knowledge in high school, and he mastered it well, and then entered the review stage. Yude felt that this was all the knowledge he had learned, and he had to talk and practice it repeatedly. This was too boring. He suddenly lost more than half of his interest in learning and began to become reluctant.
Moreover, the management of high school is relatively strict, and students learn from morning to night almost every day. There is little time for rest and relaxation for students, and sometimes even one day off is only available for one month. And because of his good grades, the teachers attach great importance to him and urge him not to relax.
Yude couldn't stand this teaching model very much. He has been the "easy learning" model since he was a child. He thought he should play when he should play and likes to be free and easy. The teacher valued him, but he felt that this was the pain brought by good grades. It was so miserable that people were staring at and bound every day.
From then on, Yu De learned a lot. He no longer took the initiative to learn, but was passively and forced to learn. He expressed two hopes during the interview, one was to hope that he could graduate successfully from undergraduate studies and take the postgraduate entrance examination successfully, and the other was to hope that all high school students could have a normal holiday! He has turned himself into others, which shows how depressed he feels.
Therefore, Yude's efficient learning state and happy emotions during learning not only disappeared, but also developed in a negative direction, feeling disgusted and irritable about learning. The more he does this, the harder he will focus and the lower his learning efficiency; the lower his efficiency, the more painful he will learn, the more he wants to avoid learning, and fall into a vicious cycle.
Under the supervision of the teacher and the comfort of his parents, Yu De still persisted until the third year of high school, took the college entrance examination, and his grades were very good. He was admitted to a key domestic university, and his major was also among the top in the school.
Although the difficult high school has finally ended, the university is relatively relaxed, and the knowledge learned is also new, Yu De has lost interest in learning at this time, and there is also a serious learning disability . Even though he knows rationally to learn, his learning efficiency is also very low, and it is difficult to gain a sense of accomplishment in learning.
and no one cares about him after going to college. He used to like playing games, but now he can't learn it, so he lets let himself go , and even skips classes to play games and fails frequently. His vanity in high school also began to cause trouble, buying expensive electronic products, daily necessities, going out for meals, taking taxis, etc.
He knew that these consumptions were beyond the scope of rationality and he was not able to repay them. At least he should have received his parents' consent, but he still couldn't help it.
Yude's mother believes that this is the current consumption concept of children is different from before. She has no plans for money and is used to being too busy. This is certainly one of the reasons. But the most important thing is Yude's inferiority complex, which is the psychological trauma he suffered in this area in high school. At this time, he had lost the halo of good grades and hoped to get recognition and respect from his classmates through material consumption.
Does Yude know that he has failed the exam frequently and has high debts, and the problem is very serious? As an adult, he certainly knew, but he couldn't solve it himself. He had a poor communication with his parents and had a lucky mentality, so he kept escaping.
Later, it was the experiences that Yude’s mother introduced yesterday. Yude had to take a break from school and seek medical treatment. He was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and the effect of taking the medicine was not ideal, etc.
I would like to mention Yude's diagnosis here. Yude had depression attacks, anxiety, and obvious learning disabilities. However, he did not have a typical depression, sighing, crying all day, etc., nor did he have self-harm or suicide; he was not in a good state of study, but he could barely go to school normally.
, and he has good interpersonal relationships. He is happier and active when he is with his friends. Whether he is with his family or outside, he rarely has conflicts or loses his temper. Even if he does, he only has one or two times.
Judging from these situations, Yude is indeed not a very typical depression , and it does not meet the severe standards. So when his mother took him to the psychiatric department for treatment, the doctor initially thought he had no problem; but when he heard about his online lending and irrational consumption, the doctor immediately diagnosed bipolar disorder, which is likely to be a belief that online lending is a sign of hypomania attack.
From the perspective of multidisciplinary diagnosis and treatment mode (MDT), I think Yude is not a typical bipolar disorder. As analyzed above, his excessive consumption is not about his arrogant and high mood; on the contrary, it is actually about his inner inferiority and depression. He wants to gain recognition from the outside world in this way and temporarily release the pressure.
Some children have good family conditions, and their pocket money is only several thousand or even tens of thousands per month. They pursue quality when buying things. Most of the consumption concepts of family members are like this, which is even more pathological.
Of course, behind the excessive consumption of some patients in clinical practice, it is indeed a hypomanic/manic attack state. They were mentally erect and thought that they had super abilities and a bright future, and they would definitely make a lot of money in the future. Spending more now is nothing, and their parents tried hard to persuade them that they couldn't listen. This situation deserves vigilance.
Therefore, the child’s superficial “ over-consumption of ” does not mean that it is a hypomanic attack. Psychiatric doctors must deeply understand the child’s psychological activities in order to make better judgments.
03. Parents do these two things and guide their children to build true self-confidence
The deep psychological roots of Yude's illness are analyzed. So what should his parents do next?
Of course, Yude's parents actually did a good job, especially after coming to the interview, they made a great degree of self-reflection, change and improvement to help their children recover. Coupled with Yude's own efforts, the situation is gradually getting better.
However, Yude's mother also mentioned that she was still confused about how to guide her children to build a true self-confidence and courageous personality. Moreover, although Yude's learning state has recovered, it is a bit repetitive and still needs to be troubled.
So, according to the current situation of their family, the following are more in-depth and concrete suggestions:
First, Yude parents should consciously guide their children to set relatively clear and lofty life goals, which can enhance their children's learning internal motivation and reverse quotient .
Yud's mother did a good job in cultivating her son's interest, habits and methods of learning, but she may have neglected to guide her children to set correct learning goals.
Children are interested in learning themselves. This is certainly a good thing, but we cannot learn entirely based on our interests. This is a kind of "naive" mentality in which children like to play games and simply get happiness.
We must learn more for the lofty goals in our hearts and the sense of responsibility to achieve our goals. Only in this way can we continue to have the motivation to push us forward when some external conditions make learning less interesting and our interest decrease.
. Interest is not born, it can be cultivated later. If you can turn the boredom and difficulties of learning into a sense of accomplishment that overcomes difficulties and a greater degree of freedom gained after completing self-improvement again and again, learning and overcoming difficulties will bring fun in itself.
Moreover, when our life goals are relatively clear and we know what paths can achieve our goals, we are less panicked when we encounter difficulties. Because we know it's just one of the processes, not the ending. With this awareness, the ability to withstand stress and reversal quotient will naturally be enhanced.
Image source from the Internet
Now Yude is doing a good job. He set a short-term goal for himself and chose to take the postgraduate entrance examination.Although life goals are difficult to determine at once, I hope he can begin to consciously find goals and directions and can no longer do it for a simple interest.
Second, parents should give timely and concrete affirmation of Yude's progress and guide him to learn to be self-affirm. This is the method we repeatedly emphasize, which will help form a virtuous cycle and allow the patient's condition to continue to improve.
Moreover, when encountering difficulties and problems, parents should analyze rationally with their children, see what shortcomings of children and parents are exposed behind the problems, and learn to comprehensively attribute to . After finding the shortcomings, quickly change and improve and solve the problem.
In the process of repeated analysis, finding problems, solving problems and improving, Yude's confidence will gradually improve.
For example, Yude is now diagnosed with bipolar disorder and is still taking medication. Although this diagnosis is controversial from our perspective, in the eyes of most psychiatrists, they believe that Yude is suffering from this disease, which is a "severe mental illness", which is more serious than depression to some extent.
If Yude gradually recovers and removes the medicine through the family's efforts, his mental and physical condition becomes healthier. I believe he can gain a strong sense of accomplishment and become stronger inside.
However, because Yude has not received trauma repair under deep hypnosis, his first reaction when encountering problems may still be prone to anxiety. This requires both his parents and him to have a strong awareness of seeing every difficulty and setback as an opportunity to improve rapidly, and to improve his awareness. He can use the ASRPAS method (hereinafter referred to as the "Six and Six Consequential Method") we founded to constantly break away from negative emotions, which will gradually improve his emotional control ability and reversal quotient.
In addition, I hope Yude will have an interdisciplinary awareness and take the interdisciplinary route in the future. Don’t just be satisfied with the majors you studied in colleges and graduate students. This is more conducive to finding a new path that is difficult to replace, whether it is work, research, or even entrepreneurship, it is easier to succeed. When we achieve certain results, our confidence and resilience will also be improved.
04. A truly intimate parent-child relationship should reach this level
In addition, I would also like to give Yude’s parents some suggestions on improving the relationship between husband and wife and family atmosphere.
In fact, Yude's mother has realized that some of her husband and her personal character flaws and shortcomings are related to their respective original families and growth experiences.
Grandma Yude lacked company for Yude's father since she was a child, and she devoted more energy to work and herself. Even if my father tries hard to meet his grandmother’s requirements, and if his grandmother gets sick and takes good care of her, it is still difficult to get her grandmother’s recognition and affirmation.
Yude's mother was born in the countryside and worked hard to help with farm work when she was a child. Yude's grandfather and grandmother had bad "incorporations" at that time and were bullied by the villagers. Although it was not serious, Yude's mother lived a more depressing life since she was a child. But my grandparents attached great importance to the education of their children and insisted on letting their mother study. Her mother was also very strong. Finally, she made a name for herself and became a middle school teacher in the city.
However, Yude's mother suffered from superimposed psychological trauma since she was a child, which made her more irritable and relatively irritable, and she was easily caught. In fact, these are all manifestations of the activation of psychological trauma.
After Na Yude's parents got married, because of their different growth backgrounds, their values of the three aspects were actually very different. Yude's father was suppressed since childhood and got little recognition. After growing up, he had a certain amount of economic ability and social status, he pursued material and self-interest, and showed that he was disregarded, played and had good face.
Yude's mother was born in poverty and deeply felt that knowledge has changed her destiny. She cares about self-improvement even after work. She likes to read and study and teach in daily life. Before her son has problems, she is also more confident.
The couple has different views and is prone to conflicts in daily life.His wife is more impatient and his mother does not recognize him. Yude's father is actually more depressed in the family. He finds friends to drink, play basketball, and pursues dressing, which is actually one of his ways to release pressure.
Moreover, Yude's mother is a people's teacher and has certain advantages in teaching. Naturally, the task of educating children falls on her, and she does guide her well in learning. Yude's father felt very worry-free and was just happy to be idle, so he lacked the company of his children.
Now, Yude's mother has realized her emotional problems and hopes that she can strengthen her self-awareness. In terms of methods and techniques, she can also use the ASRPAS method (hereinafter referred to as "Six and Six Great Suspension Method") I founded to adjust her emotions to make her emotions more stable.
In addition, I hope Yude's mother will be more tolerant and affirmative to her husband, especially now that her husband has made some progress, I hope she can give her husband affirmation.
Pictures are from the Internet
Of course, Yude's father must continue to reflect on himself, change and improve, and must deeply understand how to be a competent husband and father and assume more family responsibilities. He must know how to reconcile the conflict between his mother and his wife, increase his recognition of his wife, and also enhance his confidence and resilience, grow up with his children, and strive to be a role model for his children!
Yud's mother said that after her son had a problem, her belief and confidence collapsed, and she felt that she had not taught her children well and was not qualified to teach others' children. In fact, she doesn’t have to blame herself or deny herself so much. For her, this difficulty is also an opportunity to improve herself.
She used to have no consciousness to guide her children to set lofty goals, understand the true meaning of learning more actively and correctly, and do not know how to fit in with her husband's views, and strive to create a more harmonious and harmonious family scope. But she knows now.
As long as she learns from her experience and lessons, and her own abilities are excellent and her learning awareness is strong, she can become a better people's teacher, spanning scientific spiritual psychology and education, not only a teach-in knowledge, but also a guide for students in their spiritual psychology.
She can more accurately capture the possible mental and psychological problems of students and see more clearly the improper educational methods of parents. Her in-depth suggestions based on her own experience can help more students and families. At this time, the pain and setbacks she experienced were transformed into wealth in life.
The patient we have treated before, Xiaoxuan, whose mother is also a teacher, but also caused superimposed psychological trauma to her daughter due to improper educational methods. While Xiaoxuan is heading for recovery, her mother also deeply reflects on herself, changes and improves. She also uses the scientific psychology knowledge she has learned to guide students and parents, and successfully helps students with depression to overcome difficulties. After getting admitted to high school, she feels particularly emotional and accomplished.
So, I hope Yude's mother will also be active, show the courage and determination to deal with difficulties, set a good example for her children with her husband, become a solid backing and guiding light for her children, and strive to become her ideal parents.
Finally, I hope to give parents a reminder through Yude's case. We often say that parents should establish an intimate parent-child relationship with their children, but this intimate parent-child relationship should not be superficial, and it is not that children are willing to talk to their parents about eating, drinking, having fun, daily life and learning.
instead, children are willing to open their hearts to their parents, be willing to tell their parents about their troubles, problems and confusions that are difficult to solve, discuss with their parents, and find ways, especially not to report good news or bad news. This is the true intimate parent-child relationship. I hope parents will work hard towards this goal and become their children’s true teachers and friends!
#Emotional Review Award# #Depression# #Biopolar Disorder#
