Text/Lan Ma Talks about Parenting
It is said that good character lies in outstanding intelligence. In the matter of education, if we push the children's to promote too hastily, or they are slow and lagging, these will destroy the normal psychological growth of the children. The reason why those famous aphorisms and aphorisms have become the essence of cultural history is mainly because they have important warning and guidance significance for future generations.
For example, "It is better to teach a man how to fish than to teach him to fish." The guidance of this famous saying is that parents need to parenting educate themselves first while educating their children. Only by providing their own excellent guidance and active participation , under the guidance of role models, can exert a subtle influence. If a child is not good enough or does something wrong, please remember that "if the child makes a mistake, it is because the parents have not taught the child what is right."
Girls always "wait a little while, right away" when studying, and their mother was so angry that after beating her, she felt guilty
html The 08-year-old girl Xiaoyu has a playful and active personality just like a boy. She likes to play with Ultraman toys, Watching game commentary videos, she also likes to play wildly from morning to evening. Whenever you talk to her, there will be endless topics to talk about. She keeps pestering adults and saying, "Play with me for a while." Every day seems to be a nightmare. There is endless energy for , and seems to never be enough.
Children are playful. According to Xiaoyu’s mother, this is a normal thing. Active children are generally more outgoing and less likely to be bullied. Faced with Xiaoyu’s daily life of being playful and active, her mother usually does not impose too much restraint. Most of them turned a blind eye, but as she grew older, her mother found that Xiaoyu's character became more and more playful, especially when it came to learning, and she did not have a progressive attitude at all.
Every morning when I go to school, I am constantly urged and urged. But if I fail to check my school bag, I will definitely receive a call from the teacher when I arrive at school that day. Then the parents are in a hurry rushing to send it to school. Textbooks, in the words of her mother, "when this child reads a book, it's like reading to me." In Xiaoyu's growth and parent-child relationship, there are no homework and trivial things to study, everything is harmonious and peaceful , one said When I start studying and doing homework, I can't help but stomp my feet up and down.
Summer vacation is here, how are the naughty children at home? Xiaoyu's mother reported that "I'm not very good anyway". The teacher assigned Shanhaijing reading + note-taking, and daily practice writing . Every day, she was urged and urged and shouted again and again. Just a few days ago, one day There were less than 30 words in total for this article to practice writing, but Xiaoyu spent a whole morning writing it, and the final result was and . Crooked and twisted, big and small, they are as disgusting as a crawling earthworm.
Seeing Xiaoyu hating the iron that cannot be transformed into steel , her mother kept doing ideological work and said, "If you don't study hard now, what will you do in the future?" She thought she could slowly develop a sense of topic with her daughter, but she never thought about this child With a strong attitude, she said, "You can do whatever you want." Seeing the whole "mud can't hold up the wall" look, her mother was on the verge of collapse and beat Xiao Yu violently. It was a scene of crying and rage in and . You don't need to imagine it.
However, after the scene was quiet, her mother asked, "Do you know you are wrong?" Xiaoyu said, "Mom, do you not love me anymore?" After hearing this, her mother was shocked and said seriously, "How could I not love you now?" Everything I do and every action I do is for your own good, urging you to study hard and do your homework. This is also to make it easier for you to study in the future." After hearing this, Xiaoyu still said unconvincingly, "But, besides Me, you are always smiling to everyone." This sentence immediately made my mother feel guilty.
Indeed, parental love is often deep love and deep responsibility , but for children, they need more understandable love to surround their entire childhood, like what parents call "for your own good" or housekeeping. Children may not be able to understand this type of education at all. Instead, it will lead to self-rejection from parents who don’t love me. Like what Xiaoyu’s mother said, “I hate that iron cannot become steel” and “Mud cannot support a wall.” This is a typical labeling behavior. The behavior of labeling is also harmful to the growth of children.
The so-called labeling behavior is to make some kind of comparison behavior for children based on something. From an educational point of view, most of the labels that parents label their children are negative, such as "too stupid", "You can't do this well", "You are as stubborn as a cow"... The behavior of labeling can easily cause obstacles to children's personality and growth that are not conducive to development, especially the limitations of vision can easily lead to negative negative behaviors. However, did not dare to move forward to , and eventually became , the frog in the well of living in a certain definition.
Parents are the first teachers in their children's growth. They not only affect the basic life supply of food and clothing, but also serve as role models and guides in the education process. If parents are compared to the original works of art, then the children are the reference. If there is a typo in the photocopy, should you correct the mistake on the photocopy or find the cause on the original?
In other words, when it comes to children’s growth and education, parents should not look at their children with an adult’s perspective. If a child does something wrong, then it is the parent who has not told the child how to do it right. While we ask the child, we also need to Put yourself in the same position and ask yourself, parenting first , this is what every parent needs to master: "It is better to teach someone to fish than to teach someone to fish."
"Tom Gets Punished" tells us: Education requires feeling love and enlightening wisdom
The protagonist Tom , when he was in kindergarten, he especially liked to snatch toys and destroy other children's toys. One morning when he went to kindergarten, he couldn't find his favorite Tom the cat was in a particularly bad mood in the red sports car. After his mother sent him to the entrance of the kindergarten, she said softly, "Goodbye, my little darling" with eyes full of tenderness, and kissed Tom.
At this time, Simon , a child from kindergarten , ran over. He asked, "Do you have a red sports car?" Tom was a little impatient. This guy is really annoying. What should I do? If there is no red sports car, then I will play with the yellow car in the kindergarten. The yellow car is the most beautiful among all the cars. Oh, my classmate Luca is playing with the yellow car, but this is what I want to play.
Tom thought for a while, stretched out his hands to and snatched desperately. "Give it to me, give it to me, this is what I like to play with." Luca, who was suddenly robbed, said angrily, "Huh, you bad guy, I got it first." "The teacher came over and pulled Tom and Luca apart, and said to Tom gently "The car belongs to everyone, and everyone should share and play with it. If you don't want to play with Luca, then you should play first. Other toys later, because Luca got the car first."
Tom thought to himself: "I don't want to play with cars anyway, so let me build building blocks. I will use many, many building blocks to build a very tall house." However, when Tom asked his classmates for the building blocks, everyone Unwilling to give it to him, Tom kicked him angrily, and said, "Look, the building you built is really ugly." With a crash, the building fell down, making his classmates cry. I made a fuss and complained to the teacher.
This time the teacher's tone was not so soft . She said seriously: "Tom, if you are unhappy, you shouldn't destroy it. Say sorry to your classmates quickly, and then clean up the blocks on the floor." Tom was unhappy. said: "It's so unfair. They obviously don't want to give me the blocks." The teacher said, "Okay, if you can't play well with other children, then go draw."
Tom was very angry when he was drawing alone. He said to himself "The teacher is really annoying. I don't like her anymore, but I don't want to draw either. What can I do? It's boring to play alone. It's so fun to see them having fun together." Unknowingly, Tom's eyes became astringent, and he slowly fell asleep on the table.
In the afternoon, Dad came to take Tom home. The teacher told Dad, "Tom is always causing havoc and he will be punished today." Dad was not angry after hearing this. Tom told Dad, "It is not good at all to be punished. I don't like it." This is kindergarten.” Dad echoed and said, “Yes, it’s not fun to be punished, but the teacher did the right thing because you broke the rules of the kindergarten.”
There was a crash . Dad pushed down the building blocks that Tom was playing with. When Tom was still angry, his father said, "Look, I destroyed your building blocks. Are you very angry? Can your classmates be happy at that time? So, we are like this This is wrong." When Tom was crossing the road, his father pointed at the cars on the road and said, "Look, can the cars on the road drive into the crosswalk?"
After returning home, Dad took the initiative to share with them the story of being punished when he was a child. Tom said with empathy: "Poor Dad, you must have been very sad at that time. Did you fall asleep like me?" Dad Tell Tom: "After I tried to accept the suggestions and slowly changed many mistakes, more and more children started playing with me." From then on, Tom no longer stubborn and sulks after doing something wrong, and can Taking advice from others also made Tom more and more popular.
Through the story of Tom being punished, we can deeply feel the psychology of children after making mistakes, including the need to feel love in education, and to enlighten the eyes of wisdom . Making mistakes is not a catastrophic , nor is it unforgivable. , making mistakes Behind it is usually hard work or a lack of correct cognitive concepts. The important thing for children to make mistakes is to know and correct them. However, if knows the mistakes and does not correct them, or knowingly commits , it is often because parents do not make their children aware of them correctly. "What is right".
So, when faced with a child who makes a mistake, how can parents correctly make their children realize what is right?
First, the behavior of tearing off "labeling"
My cousin's daughter, Yaya, has been relatively short since she was a child. One morning, she said she didn't want to go to kindergarten. Faced with Yaya's disgusting behavior, at first, my cousin thought it was a childish behavior. The girl mood just wanted to be coaxed, but when she mentioned going to kindergarten, Yaya became anxious and burst into tears . When asked why she didn’t want to go to kindergarten, Yaya said sadly, “My classmates said I was a short winter melon.” See Seeing Yaya's red eyes, her cousin also realized how deep the inner harm caused by "labeling" behavior.
Speaking of "dwarf winter melon", this is a kind of labeling behavior. In fact, labeling behavior does not distinguish between age groups, but the harm it brings to children is inevitable . I want to make children realize what is right. , they first need to fully understand themselves, especially the shortcomings of "failure is the mother of success", so that children can realize their own shortcomings and deal with them scientifically. The behavior of tearing off the "labeling" is to promote the understanding effect from the psychological and spiritual level.
effectively helps children get rid of "labeling" behavior. It is recommended that parents be bystanders and carefully watch the stage of their children, including excellent and non-excellent ones. Applaud for excellent behaviors and applaud for non-excellent behaviors. However, generously makes suggestions for , and the distance between the auditorium and the stage can also protect children's free play.
In addition, the behavior of "labeling" cannot be completely avoided in the general environment. In addition to learning to help children tear off the "labeling" behavior, parents must also pay more attention to the cultivation of their children's strong and independent spirit, so that children can face every difficulty bravely. , every setback, when they can not be afraid of difficulties in the midst of thousands of troops, the harm of labeling behavior to children will naturally be minimized.
Second, take the initiative to share your childhood experiences
to make the children who made mistakes realize what is right. This process can be said to be a two-way growth of parents and children, but it is obvious that for children, earnestly understands the truth of , including regular reminders of three meals a day , the effect is not obvious. If you want your children to truly grasp the right and wrong of things, parents need to be guides on their children's growth path.
What kind of guidance is easier for children to understand? Before we ask children to do something, of course parents need to do the role of first and , and use and that parents have traveled to promote children’s thinking and participation. If parents do not know how to improve their children’s learning path, they will , you might as well take the initiative to share some childhood experiences with your children, such as "Tom Gets Punished" This story tells us that children's intuitive feelings are often reflected in the soothing storyline.
You must know that no matter how beautiful the spoken expression is, it is difficult to change a child's stubborn behavior. When children make mistakes, they must be conflicted in their hearts. They do not want to be criticized, but at the same time they want everyone's attention. Our ultimate goal in educating children is I hope they will grow better. Taking the initiative to share parents' childhood experiences can awaken children's sense of touch and vision, and fully open up children's sense of topics and practical at the communication and emotional levels.
Third, cultivate children's sense of responsibility
Children who have done wrong things will be more sensitive at the emotional level . In addition to helping children tear off the " label " behavior and actively share their childhood experiences, in order to be better happy Growth creates learning value, so the cultivation of children's sense of responsibility is essential. Responsible education for children is not only the growth of character, but also the cultivation of moral quality and children's learning ability. Responsibility is also an important educational means to solve many problems. .
looks back at those cross-century talents quick access to information, including 's erudite ability. These are comprehensive learning qualities that are keen on learning and self-development spirit, and the excellent growth of children is inseparable from sense of responsibility training goals , helping children establish a sense of responsibility from an early age can also improve their learning and growth. Their sense of responsibility will also encourage them to develop the learning habits of drawing inferences from one example and correcting .
also sits in the same classroom and studies. Why do some children have strong learning ability and high accuracy in homework? Excellent children with high accuracy rates, in addition to having a good basic foundation, also have a sense of responsibility. Careful observation and checking for wrong questions . Children with a sense of responsibility will usually check the homework questions again after finishing the test paper. This action can Help children greatly reduce error rates , and children with a strong sense of responsibility have a more tenacious journey and learning experience. They can withstand many setbacks and listen to many topic suggestions.
Effectively cultivating children's sense of responsibility needs to be achieved from three major aspects, namely personal responsibility, family responsibility, and social responsibility. personal responsibility is recommended to let children do their own things. Family responsibilities should be exercised and promoted starting from housework, and social responsibility Responsibility allows children to use magnifying glass to see the scenery and people, such as helping grandparents cross the road, throwing rubbish thrown by passers-by into the trash can, and helping people in need...
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I am Lan Ma. I am an analytical author focusing on the field of parenting. I use personal examples and various family education examples to record the moments of parenting feelings. Friends who like it are welcome to follow @兰马Let’s talk about parenting and learn and grow together!
