Based on the points you described, I will answer them one by one. I hope it can give you some help.
First, don’t feel guilty. The reason why you hate your parents is very clear, because your parents have never loved each other. You, yes, have never loved you, because you are a complete person with advantages and disadvantages. If they only love your advantages, then your parents are very selfish. They are satisfying themselves through you. selfish desires. Since what your parents give you is not love, you naturally cannot repay love.
Secondly, looking at your description, your parents have been quarreling and fighting for a long time, and they have accumulated too many confrontational emotions in their hearts. So it is conceivable that when your parents do some leisure and entertainment things, they are just temporarily escaping from negative emotions. Once you face each other, quarrels may occur at any time, which also gives you a very bad family environment and puts you under a lot of pressure at home.
Third parents generally have a tendency to force their children to fulfill their wishes that they cannot realize. Working hard to let your children realize it, and using it in the name of "love" and "for your own good", is actually to satisfy your own goals and fulfill your dreams.
The fourth situation you mentioned is among Chinese parents. It is very common, that is emotional blackmail. The psychological burden of being owed to your parents is caused by your parents' long-term emotional blackmail. They use their own efforts to kidnap you. You must study hard and kidnap you. Listen to them. words, to kidnap your contribution to them,
Fifth, because the relationship between parents and husband is bad, communication is ineffective, and life is full of bitterness, so your good grades become a tool to satisfy their vanity and become one of the few things in their lives. "Sweetness", so once your grades are not good, you are depriving them of the "sweetness" in their lives, which is impossible to allow.
Sixth: Your parents' divorce may seem bad, but in fact it should be good news for your parents. At least they can gain peace without each other.
What should the normal situation of parents' love be like? Your parents' devotion to you should be without expecting anything in return. Parents should be like this! What you love is a pure you, a real you, a you with flaws, so that you can feel "love", feel safe, and feel supported and recognized. Only in this way can you be full of motivation to work and full of love to love others in your life.
In the end, how should you go on?
First, you have to get rid of the harm caused by your original family. How to get rid of it? You have to learn to accept yourself, accept your shortcomings, accept that you hate your parents, and accept that you can live for yourself. , this acceptance is what your parents did not give you, so you have to give it to yourself. First correct your parents' wrong way of love. This takes a certain amount of time to persist, because the deep-rooted psychological cognitive model will not be easily changed. .
Secondly, your parents need to be guided, because they are also very pitiful. In the relationship between husband and wife, no love is produced, only trouble and hatred are produced, so it is difficult for them to give love to you, so try to forgive them, they are not If I don’t love you, I just don’t have enough time to care about myself, and I just don’t know how to love others.
Then, if you have completed the first two steps, you can read a book, The Five Abilities of Love, which will teach you how to love. If your parents are willing, you can also buy it for them to read.
