"Mom, let me come!" When this sentence is spoken by children of different ages, the feelings will be very different when heard in the ears of mothers. The most impressive time was when our family returned from a trip. When the luggage appeared on the conveyor belt and I was about to get it, the then 10-year-old child suddenly said: "Mom, let me come!" I felt warm in my heart and mouth. I said hello simply, but I couldn't help but put a smile on my face, and I felt like I had knocked over the five-flavor bottle. The child finally has the responsibility he deserves, which makes the old mother feel that all the hard work has been rewarded and the success has been achieved!
What would happen if the same sentence "Mom, let me come!" was spoken by a three or five-year-old child?
The embarrassment of scanning codes in supermarkets
Nowadays, many large supermarkets are equipped with self-service payment equipment for scanning codes. More than once, I heard young children shouting: "Mom, let me come!" Some mothers actively cooperated, finding out the codes on the packaging bags with their children, and slowly scanning the codes one by one. It took a little more time, but it was still a good learning opportunity.
If a child insists on completing the task on his own and refuses to let his mother help him, and has to scramble for a long time to get it done, it will be uncomfortable enough that his mother cannot persuade him, and he will also have to endure the unfriendly looks from behind. When the same item is scanned repeatedly and has to be canceled and started over, no matter how good-tempered a mother is, she can’t help but lose her temper. In the end, the mother couldn't help but "seize power" violently, and the child felt aggrieved, and it ended in embarrassment.
To reverse the situation, there are two levels: treating the symptoms and treating the root cause. If wants to achieve immediate and symptomatic effects, parents must let their children understand that sometimes, children must absolutely cooperate with their parents' requests! Find a suitable opportunity to explain this request to the child, and then negotiate an exclusive password together. As long as the parents send this password, the child must immediately stop being shy and be obedient and cooperative.
At the same time, parents should also remember that this is the result of negotiation with their children. It is their duty to keep their promises. They should not add extra rewards to their children. It is enough for parents to just say "Thank you for keeping your promise."
Education cannot be imposed on others
There are two points to note in the above situation: First, the tolerance of parents is always related to their own mood; second, whether parents have the authority for their children to respect.
The consequences of a child's non-cooperation depend on the mother's current mood. Mistakes may be tolerated or may lead to beatings and scoldings. If things go on like this, children's understanding of right and wrong will be biased.
Therefore, before asking their children to do this, parents should first be good themselves, control their emotions appropriately, "what is right and what is wrong", keep in mind the basic responsibility of bringing children into the world, "raise adults and cultivate talents" , this is the fundamental solution.
Modern families pamper their children too much and put them first in everything. If the parent-child relationship is too close and is not let go as the child grows up and the child learns to follow his own path, the boundaries and norms that should exist will become blurred. All the responsibilities that children should bear are taken by their parents. Since they are not responsible, they can naturally ignore them. When parents get discouraged, they try their best to educate their children, either urging, coercing, or blaming, and the parent-child relationship will only worsen.
The opportunity to learn and grow is deprived. Children have no goals of their own. They have no clue what to do, what not to do, what to do, and how to do it! To break this deadlock, parents cannot and should not outsource their parenting responsibilities to schools. Education can never be left to others.
Let children take responsibility for their own studies and contribute to their families. If you do well, give a word of praise; if you do not do well, give a word of encouragement; gently but firmly support the child to continue trying, allowing the child to find a way out of failure and live out his own life.
The inner pages of the picture book in this article are from "The Great Cleanup" © Ayuko Tsujimura
