Introduction : With children at home, the biggest headache for parents is , especially now that education is being involved in . How to educate children well has naturally become a problem that parents are racking their brains to think about .
When disciplining their children, parents often fall into the dilemma of whether it is better to be stricter or to be more relaxed. In order to strike a better balance, both parents have to take turns singing in front of their children. From "red face" and "white face" . In fact, strictness and relaxation in education are not either-or. The correct answer is to become a authoritative parent who is tolerant and strict.
Ms. Wang participated in her child's online parent-teacher meeting. She originally thought that it would be just a formality, but what she didn't expect was that she fell into deeper educational anxiety. Ms. Wang is usually very strict with her children. She believes "Don't make friends with your children when you are in charge of them.". Under Ms. Wang's strict discipline, the children's scores were among the best in the class, which made Ms. Wang very proud.
But at the child's parent-teacher meeting, when sharing educational experience with other parents , a parent asked, " What are your children's usual hobbies? ? Is he born with a love of learning?" The child Ms. Wang has a strong say in whether she likes to learn , but Ms. Wang has some difficulties when it comes to her children's "preferences". She was a little hesitant at the moment, " It turns out that I can't even figure out my child's preferences. Maybe I'm not a qualified mother! "
Before going to bed at night, the parent's question kept echoing in Ms. Wang's mind. . When it comes to children's learning, Ms. Wang dares to assure herself that she has a good background. However, when it comes to her understanding of children, Ms. Wang feels a little depressed and lonely. "They say you have to be strict with your children, and a filial son will emerge from under a stick. However, one code is the same . The child seems to have never taken the initiative to talk to me, and has never taken the initiative to make requests to me. "
After much thought, she wanted to knock on the child's door and have a good chat with the child, but when she got to the door, Ms. Wang hesitated again, "If I don't care more strictly, the child will still... Do you listen to me? For the sake of my child, I would rather he not be so close to me than if he refuses to obey discipline. "
Is it better to be more strict or "loose" when it comes to controlling children? Each has advantages and disadvantages
Parents who strictly discipline their children are more likely to see the "results" of education, such as the establishment of rules and the improvement of academic performance. But in the long run, as children grow up, strict parents are more likely to inspire the rebellious side in their children. Rebellious children cannot listen to their parents' educational guidance. Even when faced with strict education methods, they are likely to do the opposite .
Relaxed education methods can shorten the distance between parents and children, making it easier to create a close parent-child emotional relationship. However, it is undeniable that under a lax education model, children's wrong behaviors are more likely to be ignored and tolerated. In terms of educational constraints, it is difficult to get a timely response to lax education methods.
The difficulty of education is actually reflected in this. Simple strictness and relaxation are not appropriate education methods. Only by trying to break out of the either-or educational cycle can we help parents take the initiative in education. . becomes an authoritative parent , which may make it easier for parents to win their children's respect, trust and awe .
Grasp the standards of education, and authoritative parents are more likely to convince their children.
When parents can establish sufficient authority in their children's hearts, the educational concepts they export will more easily create ripples in their children's hearts. Grasping the standards of education can help children feel the supervision of their parents. At the same time, they can also regard their parents as their most trusted objects .
In a good family relationship, the family status of parents and children is equal. At the same time, parents' disciplinary responsibility for their children is also acquiesced and recognized. Therefore, in authoritative families, parents do not need to use strict educational methods to force their children to compromise, nor do they need to use relaxed educational attitudes to please their children in order to obtain cooperation.
In family life, authoritative parents know better "treat all children equally" There is no "double standard" family environment so that children are less tempted to test educational rules. Compared with the education model of one singing with a bad face and the other singing a red face, the authoritative education model will not overdraw the children's respect and awe , nor will it show the children's "standing in line" style that favors their own side. Home Mode" .
Being a parent is a spiritual practice. How can you become an authoritative parent?
. Parents and children abide by family rules.
In many families, family rules are specially formulated for children. , for example, you are not allowed to play with mobile phones while eating, and children are not allowed to play. Parents will forcefully stop children from using mobile phones, but parents themselves can use mobile phones unscrupulously as a food accompaniment. This "double standard" education method not only lacks persuasiveness, but also consumes children's credibility with their parents. Parents cannot be role models for their children, and naturally they cannot enjoy their children's heartfelt respect.
. Refuse simple and crude punishment methods such as beating and scolding
Rough education methods such as beating and scolding may make children correct their mistakes immediately, but this also conveys to children the wrong concept "violence can persuade the other party" . Therefore, when choosing punishment methods, parents should pay more attention and not rely too much on rough education methods such as beating and scolding. The rebelliousness that was suppressed in childhood will always be revealed when the children grow up, and by that time, parents will not be able to discipline them so easily, and the children will pay more for this.
. Both parents maintain a unified "educational front"
When educating their children, parents should also maintain a unified educational philosophy and not compromise easily because of their children's temptations. When children realize that their parents' education methods are such that they cannot easily take advantage of them, they will naturally take the initiative to adapt and accept them. When children are young, parents with a filter halo can easily establish authority in their children's minds, but inconsistent educational attitudes will become a gap for destroying parental authority.
It is not easy to take the initiative in education, nor is it easy to grasp the standards of education. However, if parents can have the awareness to become authoritative parents earlier, then I believe that parents will be more effective in their children’s subsequent education. It will be difficult to be led by the child.
Conclusion:
The goal of education is not to transform children, but to guide them to discover themselves and realize themselves. Therefore, when disciplining children, parents should give appropriate guidance based on their children's growth needs. Simple and crude methods such as beating and scolding cannot help shape the child's character, but can easily create character defects in the child. A combination of firmness and softness in education is easier to win children's cooperation. The key to becoming an authoritative parent is to gain the trust and respect of children.
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