At that time, I was a real young farmer, covered in mud on rainy days and gray on sunny days. All educated youth are no different from local farmers. If we are in terms of labor capacity, we are not as good as them.
, however, I have my own ideas, and I always feel that I can't continue to sink like this, and I must not forget that I have been a person who has read books. Based on my narrow thinking, I think we educated youth want to have an essential difference from farmers. Therefore, no matter how hard or tired we are, when others are sleeping soundly in bed, I write a diary with a light and record my experiences and thoughts of the day.
I am already very tired from working during the day and I have to write something at night. This seems to be unreasonable to the villagers, as if I am asking for my own suffering. Whether I am seeking suffering or not, I just want to be different from others. To be taller, I have ideals and don’t want to just be busy all my life.
Under the dim oil lamp, one diary a day, and over time, I have finished writing many diary books, which are more than half a foot high. The educated youth who was with me asked me, "Xiao Meng, if you keep writing like this, you can't even carry it when you return to the city." I said, "You don't have to worry about this. When I go home to visit relatives, I will take the written one back."
To be honest, I know that writing a diary is meaningless, and it is impossible to publish it all day, but if I don't write it, I feel empty!
People who love to write diaries turn everything they want to say into words, so I don’t like to talk, everyone says I am gentle. Actually, I am not gentle at all. Let’s take a look at a diary I wrote first.
June 10, 1968, the weather was clear
Get up early this morning, I couldn't find my underwear, and I couldn't ask the people in the same dormitory, so I had to wear only a pair of trousers to work.
It feels so bad without wearing underwear, and there is no sense of security. The wind kept pouring into it, and it was much cooler, but I was always afraid that my pants would crack after bent down for three years. That would be embarrassing.
Just in case, I dare not use too much force when working, and try not to bend in front of others.
Lin Fen is a pretty girl in the village. Why do she always like to look at me today? I smashed a lump of soil with a hoe, and the sound was a little louder, so she looked at me, as if I was shocked.
In front of her, I didn't dare to spit, even if the phlegm was blocked in my throat, I didn't dare to spit, for fear that she would look at me again when she heard it.
Why am I so restrained in front of her? I don't know why, maybe it's because she looks a little cute.
After a day of farm work, I was so tired that I couldn't walk on both legs. If my parents knew that I was suffering in the countryside, I wouldn’t know how uncomfortable it would be, but when I wrote to them, I said that I was used to it and didn’t feel tired. Just imagine, how can you not be tired when doing farm work?
Perhaps, Lin Fen saw it and knew that I was very tired. She gave me a smile when she passed by me. There was encouragement and understanding in her smile, as if there was some unexplainable factor. Regardless of her, I also gave her a smile, which is called polite exchange.
Back to my residence, I searched everywhere, and finally found the white-washed underwear in the gap in the bed. It hides in the gap and affects my day of labor, which is extremely hateful.
It was late at night. I didn't know what dream I would have tonight. Maybe I would still dream of going home, or I would still dream of Lin Fen, haha...
This is how my diary was written, like a record of the book, but I wrote it tirelessly, never thinking about interruption. At night, if I didn’t write a diary, I wouldn’t be able to sleep at all. Some people say that I am obsessive-compulsive disorder . Obsessive-compulsive disorder is better than being painless or itchy, and there are no symptoms. It’s better to live numbly.
That night, I really dreamed of Lin Fen. She stood in front of the window and called me softly.I didn't know what she asked me to do, but when she opened the door and met her, she said coquettishly: "Can you have anything else to do with me? You fool!" I understood what she meant and followed her to an chestnut tree . She stuffed me a handkerchief with flowers and said, "Wipe with a handkerchief when you sweat, don't wipe it with your sleeves." I was very moved by how thoughtful she thought for me. She took her handkerchief and asked, "Then what do I want to give you?" She pouted and said, "What can I want to give me your heart." At that time, I was very scared and thought she had brought a knife to dig my heart. Then, I was awakened by fright.
Alas, after finally having a beautiful dream, I was scared into a cold sweat in the middle of the night. I can only blame myself for being too timid.
People say that I think about it every day and dream about it at night. It seems that I still have some feelings for Lin Fen, otherwise I would not have dreamed of her.
At dusk the next day, Lin Fen really came to where we lived and called me by my name. I seemed to have prepared myself in my heart, and I had a premonition that she was going to give me something, of course, it could not be a handkerchief.
"Xiao Meng, give it." When she saw me out of the door, she handed me the diary in her hand.
"Whose thing is this?" I took the diary and asked.
"I gave it to you, don't you like to write diaries?" She rubbed her hands and said, "I'm leaving."
Looking at her left behind, I was puzzled. I wonder why she gave me a diary. Is it just because I like to write diaries? I opened the diary and saw a few words written on the title page: Lin Fen gave
Several educated youth came over. An educated youth snatched the diary and flipped it over. It was blank, but he still said, "Xiao Meng, I see your love luck coming, I'm envious!"
"I may not give this diary for her family, and it's not a handkerchief, so I'm also lucky!" I felt very beautiful in my heart.
"First it is a diary, recording your love story, and then the back garden will make a private lifelong appointment, and give you a fragrant handkerchief, haha..." They still laughed non-stop.
I was anxious and said, "Is there any love thing like this?"
What is strange is that since I accepted Lin Fen's diary, my mind was full of her shadow and could not be removed. However, on the surface, I was still the same as before. When I saw her, I just smiled and did not show enthusiasm. She didn't change anything because I received her gift, she just smiled.
I also made many guesses and imaginations about the fact that she gave me a diary, and read another diary I wrote.
On July 1, 1968, the weather was cloudy and rainy
The weather was not very good today, and no one went out to start work, rubbing straw ropes in the halls.
Lin Fen was sitting in the corner near the door rubbing the straw rope, his hands and feet were very quick. Her head rarely lifted up and she kept working hard.
Her face is round, a little whiter than an average girl. If she hadn't been basking in the sun frequently, her face would have been as white as the moon, which would have been even more beautiful.
Everyone said that I am very compatible with her, but looking at her usual expression, I didn’t think about that at all. If she really had that meaning to me, she would raise her head to look at me when rubbing the straw rope, but she didn't. When I deliberately walked to the gate, she didn't look up, which really disappointed me.
At night, I didn’t want to dream of her anymore. I wonder if she would dream of me.
Sometimes, I really want to tell her about what I dreamed of her, but I don’t have the courage. If I told her about my dream of her, how would she react? Will she scold me for being a second-rate guy? This really cannot be taken and tested, so let it become a mystery that cannot be solved forever.
Of course, if, - I mean, if she confessed her love to me bravely, I would accept it with pleasure and love her sincerely for the rest of my life. Does she have the courage? I don’t know, I waited for her to speak to me, just like waiting for the seeds that sprouted in spring to break out of the ground.
Unfortunately, she did not become the seed that I expected to break through the ground, but remained silent until the day she got married, and did not express her feelings to me.
When I saw her head covered with a red hijack , a stream of passion surged in my heart. I really wanted to step forward and lift her red hijack and asked, "Lin Fen, do you like me? If you like, don't get married."
But, why do I have the courage? I can only look at her out of the village with the wedding team, gradually disappearing into the vast forest along the winding mountain road.
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