Who does life belong to?
I only truly understood what kind of life I wanted to live since I was thirty. Before that, I spent every day in a daze. In fact, it is more important to figure out how to spend my life than to live a life that goes with the flow.
When I was in my twenties, I spent six days a week on KTVs. We sang all the KTVs in the city. The rest of the day was to sleep at home. At that time, my friend arrived with a call. No matter where the world is, I didn’t know how to refuse or whether it was appropriate. Anyway, everyone did this.
Of course, when the crowd disperses, I still feel a little disappointed because I can't accept the time I'm alone, but there are always times when life goes ups and downs, and I only truly understand this truth later.
After the age of twenty-five, my classmates and friends around me got married one after another. I watched the good sisters wear white veil and wish them blessings, but I dared not fantasize that I would have such a day. Later, I became the only one among this group of friends who were alone, and gradually got farther and farther away from those friends with families and children. From that time on, I gradually learned to be alone with myself.
To be honest, I really don’t like to have many people, nor do I like to discuss some trivial matters in life. I can even not go out for a week, or go shopping alone in the mall. I realized that what I really like is this kind of life.
Someone always told me that you should live like this, and I have compromised for this, but in the end they all ran away in panic, which I don’t like.
The real change was when I left my hometown where I lived for 30 years and came to Hangzhou. Because I lacked the language constraints of my family, relatives and friends around me, I truly began to live my own life.
My grandfather can be said to use his own personal experience to tell me how to live my life. Of course, he bears much more responsibilities than me. He started his first business in his early fifties. After all, it was rare to have such a bold idea in that closed countryside. He did it boldly and succeeded.
I have never discussed his life before he was fifty. I probably only remember that he has been working hard for a family of big and small livelihoods. He has a primary school education. Because he is good at writing, he has been questioned by others for his real education. He has also been a teacher and a factory director in the bowl factory. He has also had the opportunity to go to some big cities. He may have had the idea of starting a business because of these experiences.
I clearly remember that when he was not in the factory, he sat idle on a yellow rattan chair listening to the radio news while reading newspapers. He never talked too much, nor would he tell you too much about what you should do, what kind of job you should look for, and what kind of partner you should look for. After the factory closed, he began to help take care of his grandchildren like most Chinese parents, waiting for his grandchildren to grow up. He returned to the countryside and began to enjoy raising chickens. He built the chicken coop and planted a osmanthus next to the chicken coop, cleaning the house clean.
This is my grandfather’s life, fulfilling his traditional obligations and responsibilities, but not abandoning his own life.
Who does life belong to? I think those moments of giving for my lover and quarrel for my lover, as well as happiness and sorrow, failure and success, as long as they are attentive, sincere, and loyal to their true hearts, are their own life.
